“Where ya goin’?” I called after my child, beelining for his room. He disappeared inside, and two seconds later, I heard the thump of his bed hitting the wall. He’d just thrown himself on the mattress. After a busy day with extended family, I kinda wanted to lie down too. It seemed like a good way to prevent a meltdown, or just general crankiness—for us both.
Sometimes we push our kids too far and don’t realize it until it’s too late. We all have a limit to how much energy we can put into a situation. Here are 3 ways to prevent a meltdown and give your child the time to recharge before things become too much to handle.
1. Make a hard stop (even if YOU’RE still having fun).
If you’re at the park or the zoo and you’ve met up with a mom friend who gets you, this outing is as much for the kids as it is for you. You don’t want to go home after 45 minutes! But you’re quickly realizing one of your children isn’t going to last much longer. If your child’s teetering on the edge of a meltdown, you can try to distract or comfort him for a while, and you might earn some extra time. But he’s really communicating to you he’s had enough, and it’s probably time to make a hard stop.
Know the signs: He’s cranky or silly. He’s aggravating you or others. Or he’s just not acting like himself.
Take action: Pack up before he really crosses the line. Make a plan to try this outing again another time. Let him recharge in the car on the way home.
2. Learn her limits.
Maybe you’re working with her on a new skill. She may cooperate for a while, but at some point, she may stop trying, even if you want to keep going. If it doesn’t come right away (and often, it doesn’t), she may start to lose interest and get frustrated. Consider the circumstances: What time of day is it? Has she eaten? Has she already had a challenging day? Also, consider her age. The younger she is, the shorter the attention span. It’s better to try things in small doses over the course of days or weeks than to cram new learning into a short period of time.
Know the signs: She says wants to stop or quit. She puts her head down or shows other signs of tiredness. She whines or argues. Your child may even try to run away from you or hide.
Take action: Give her grace. “OK, no problem! We’ll try this again another time.” Praise her for her effort and give her a hug. It’s important for your child to know you accept her and love her, even if she didn’t accomplish what you wanted her to in that moment.
3. Give him choices.
If you know your child is tired, hungry, or just worn out, these triggers could create the perfect storm for a meltdown. But knowing the potential is there, you can head off any unwanted behavior by giving your child choices. Most kids want to feel like they have some control over their lives. So, letting your child choose between two acceptable options could be the way to keep the peace.
Know the signs: He’s been cooperative all day but is starting to wear down. Now, he’s fighting with you or others. He refuses to cooperate.
Take Action: The Child-Mind Institute says, “Giving a structured choice—’Do you want to take a shower after dinner or before?’—can help them feel empowered and encourage them to become more self-regulating.” You may avoid a meltdown altogether if your child makes the choice for himself and feels like he’s in control.
What works with your kids to prevent a meltdown?
