“Mom, I have to go! There will never be another chance to do this. My friends are all going!” Can you hear the desperation in my daughter’s words? I could. And I could hear that anxious voice in my head saying, You have to let her do this or else…
Or else what? That was “FOMO” talking—the fear of missing out. It starts with the innocent desire to do something and morphs into an insatiable urge to never miss a thing—not one sleepover, event, sport, activity, or social media post. And the “or else” part? Or else you’ll deeply regret it. It’s hard when we see kids experiencing this kind of anxiety on a regular basis, but we can help them battle it! Here are 5 things you can do when your child has FOMO.
1. Don’t let your own FOMO come out.
I’m just going to rip off the Band-Aid here: Sometimes our kids’ FOMO starts with us. With good intentions, we push. We talk them into it. We make it clear that “no” isn’t the right answer. Why? Because we are afraid of our child missing out.
Yes, there are times when a child needs a little push to be brave and try something new. But if you’re pressuring her to say yes to everything, you may be sending the message that she can never say no. More compliant kids especially may feel the need to say yes to please you and, later in life, everyone around them.
2. Take the urgency out of it.
One big part of FOMO is fearing the opportunity will never come again. But most of the time, this simply isn’t the case. To take the urgency out of missing out, try saying, “Maybe next time.” Can’t participate in the school musical because you already committed to the basketball team? “That’s OK. There will be a next time.” Another option is to remind your child of opportunities from the past. It will prove that rarely is it a “last chance” situation.
3. Lay it all out.
Sometimes kids struggle to say no to an activity even though their calendars are overflowing. If that’s the case, try writing all activities out on a paper calendar. This can help kids visualize their month and realize time is limited. Ask questions like “Will saying yes to this leave you time to study, hang out with your family, or just relax?” Thinking about time in a practical way will help your child say no with fewer reservations.
You can also write down the cost of each activity. Kids often don’t think about how the “extras” add up! Be careful not to say this in a guilt-inducing way but in a simple, factual way that teaches a child to think about these details.
4. Talk about what a real friend is and isn’t.
We all have a deep desire to belong. But remind your child that if not participating in one activity, one text thread, or one sleepover is really going to oust her from a group, then those are not real friends to begin with.
Talk about real friends. We want to look for people who are kind, understanding, and inclusive. Ask your child to think of someone she knows who fits that description. Then suggest planning your own outing—with the real friends.
5. Look at the bigger picture.
Some kids live only in the moment, but it is still worth reminding them of an overarching “destiny” for their lives—one that includes so many good things but not necessarily all the things. It’s a gift to teach our kids they don’t have to be good at everything, interested in everything, or friends with everyone.
At our house, the bigger picture also includes talking about God’s plan for our kids’ lives, and that He leads us down the best path. One verse I bring up sometimes is this one: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,'” which is Jeremiah 29:11. We don’t need to be afraid when we know God has our best interests at heart.
How do you help your child overcome FOMO?
