I’m not gonna lie. Visiting colleges can be stressful for everyone for many reasons. And checking out schools looks way different now than back in the day. However, one thing hasn’t changed: Your teen still needs your guidance and support. It just might look different than expected. Follow these 5 field-tested methods to make the most of visiting colleges (while empowering your teen along the way!).

1. Let her take the lead.

Leave your keys to the helicopter at home. Or better yet, pass them to your teen and let her fly. It’s what you really want her to be able to do in college anyway, right? Taking a step back now and letting your teen lead the process of visiting colleges motivates her to take ownership of figuring out her next steps after high school. Plus, you encourage her to become self-sufficient, informed, and confident in her choices all while still under your watchful eye.

Questions to talk about together: Do you want a small school or a big school? One close by or farther away? How far away is too far? How close is too close? What majors spark an interest? Do you want to play sports, go through rush, or be involved in other ways? What about the area around the school? Does it matter if it’s in a city, small town, or near specific industries?

2. Set expectations and goals for visiting a school.

Your teen might not want an official guided tour, but you do. You might already have a list of financial questions you want answered. But, instead of the numbers associated with tuition, your teen might care more about the number of students sharing a bathroom in the dorms. Maybe your teen wants to catch a glimpse of the stadium and the engineering school whereas you want to grab a meal from that little place your friends discovered on their kid’s college tour.

Questions to talk about together: What’s important for you to learn or see about this school? What about the town or city? What do you hope to learn by visiting? What is a must-do or must-see for you? What do you not care about when checking out a school? Do you want to set up a meeting with the chair of a department of interest?

3. Encourage exploration and reflection.

By visiting colleges, your teen will encounter lists of majors and career paths she’s not been exposed to before. That’s a great thing because most teenagers don’t really know what they want to do after high school. “This is the first adult decision of your children’s lives,” says Keith Moon, associate dean of Harvard’s Summer School Program. “It’s important to empower your child to make the decision that’s best for them.” So, after visiting colleges, coach her to assess what she saw, learned, and felt while at each school.

Questions to talk about together: What surprised you about the school? Do any of the majors at this school sound interesting? Which ones? Could you see yourself at this school? Did anything give off a red flag vibe? What kind of lifestyle do you want after college? Would this school help or hinder that lifestyle? Do you want to keep this school on the list?

4. Support your teen’s decision-making process.

With her still-developing brain, your child needs your coaching on how to make such a significant and complex decision. So, help her figure out how to think through and compare her various options. Your child might want to draft pro/con lists for each school, talk with alums or current students, and even pray about the decision. Teach her to trust her own voice and internal “gut.” And, Mom, when your teen pushes back about talking college stuff (which she will!), work on some of these ideas to get her talking.

Questions to talk about together: How can I best support you? How will you evaluate each school? Would you like my opinion or thoughts? Would it help if I put together something that shows you the cost differences between schools?

5. Celebrate the steps.

On social media, visiting colleges looks like so much fun. And it is! But, it can also be fraught with tension and arguments. It’s essential to pause and take in this milestone. So grab a cup of coffee on campus. Take a photo at the entrance. And, of course, create a college road trip playlist with your favorite tunes.

When thinking about visiting colleges with your teen, what worries you the most?

The post 5 College Touring Tips to Empower Your Teen appeared first on iMOM.

Worry can stop our kids in their tracks: from trying new things, from going to school, and from doing things without us. Kids who have anxiety may become irritable or fidgety, have negative thinking, be overly self-conscious, clingy, or experience stomach pain and headaches, says parenting expert Tanith Carey. Anxiety can also lead to trouble sleeping. But we can make some powerful moves to help. Here are 7 ways to soothe a child’s nighttime anxiety.

1. Provide time earlier in the day to talk about it.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked. “You have 15 minutes to give me all your worries.” If my kid’s going through a rough patch, he needs that space to talk, so his worries won’t threaten his sleep at night. We’ll either walk the dog or play some ping-pong and during that time, he knows he has my ear. It’s funny because his worries never seem as bad earlier in the day. But by giving him this opportunity, he’s better able to fall asleep later on and avoid nighttime anxiety.

2. Tell her you’ll talk about it with her tomorrow and focus on gratitude instead.

Bedtime isn’t the time for your child to go through all her worries. Plus, everything looks worse at night—and tends to look better in the morning. So don’t allow your child to go down that rabbit hole. Instead, ask, “What are you grateful for today? Give me two things.” Research in the National Library of Medicine finds gratitude and positive thinking are linked to better sleep.

3. Have him place it in your hands.

This worked when my child was younger, but I still offer my teen the chance to hand me his worries. Obviously, you can’t see worries, but I cup my hands and he goes through the motions of placing them inside. He’s told me, “It’s not gonna work,” but I tell you it does. When I’ve done this for him, I listen later for restless movement or footsteps to the bathroom and hear only silence. Similarly, God wants us to give our worries to Him. Talk to your child about this, and then say a prayer for peace.

4. Encourage your child to write down his worries.

If your child has a lot running through his head, it might help to get it out on paper. “If a person’s nighttime anxiety stems from worrying about tasks they must complete in the future, research suggests that writing before bed may help,” says the Sleep Foundation. My kid has written down reminders like “pack charging cord” and “talk to [math teacher] about question #13.”

5. Validate her, and let her know it’s normal.

When worries crop up at night and a child starts to overthink, her nighttime anxiety could keep her up. Let your child know it’s OK to feel how she feels. Kids “often think there’s something wrong if they are stressed,” says Carey. “Explain that worry is a normal part of being human, and it motivates us to act.” This reassurance could lower her stress level.

6. Make sure he gets enough physical activity during the day.

An increased heart rate, headaches, stomachaches, dizziness, sweating, and restlessness are all symptoms of nighttime anxiety and can keep a child awake at night. And it’s really concerning to see your kid going through it. To help ease his mind, encourage him to be active during the day. The Sleep Foundation says regular exercise can reduce anxiety and improve sleep.

7. If you have something on your mind that could be stressful for your child, save it.

I’ve been guilty of bringing up topics at night that make my kid worry—and it’s typically because I’m worried about them. Have you picked a topic for your paper? Who’s in your group for the field trip? Are you going to check out that new club? If your child’s prone to worrying, save your questions for the morning. Putting your stress on them to ruminate about at night will only keep them up.

What are some tips you have to share with our community about handling nighttime anxiety?

The post 7 Ways You Can Soothe Your Child’s Nighttime Anxiety appeared first on iMOM.

Are you a silver-lining kind of person? Do you want your kids to be? Teaching kids to be positive is something we all have to do. Here are 4 ways to help them look on the bright side.

1. Show her how to tweak her language.

Words are powerful, and I tell my kids all the time that how we speak to ourselves shapes our attitudes and outlook in life. If my kid says “I have to go to practice tonight” or “I have to call Samantha and talk about the assignment,” I’m encouraging her to change “have to” to “get to.” Getting to practice soccer means she’s healthy and able. Getting to call Samantha means she has a friend to talk to for a few minutes.

It’s a subtle shift, but focusing on the positive side of a situation can make something boring look like a blessing.

2. Teach him to go easier on himself.

“Hey, buddy. You’ve got an incredible drive, and tons of motivation, but let’s take a break and come back to this later.” He wanted to stay up and finish his homework, but at this hour, I knew he’d have a hard time focusing. Maybe your child’s out shooting baskets and getting down on himself for missing too many. Or maybe he’s working on a LEGO set but is getting frustrated because he keeps making mistakes. Teaching kids to be positive about what they’ve accomplished, instead of getting hung up on their failures can be challenging.

Teaching kids self-compassion and encouraging them to go easier on themselves can lead “to a lower risk for mental or physical health issues and to better odds of a longer life,” says Harvard Health Publishing. High standards are great, but the older kids get, the more important it’s going to be to be able to say “I did what I could here. Now I need to take care of myself.” That’s looking on the bright side.

3. Encourage a gratitude mindset.

My friend’s daughter is stressed about friendships. They’ve been shifting throughout the year, and she’s not sure who her “real” friends are anymore. We know kids face multiple sources of stress from where to sit at lunch to getting good grades, but pausing for a moment in gratitude for something—even if it’s minor—can provide the mental flip your kid needs to carry on through her day.

Feeling glad that you don’t need to wear a jacket to school, for example is a little thing to be grateful for. “Gratitude helps to reduce stress and anxiety by shifting our focus from negative thoughts to positive ones,” says Health Assured. It doesn’t take much to notice the good things in life or to thank God for little blessings. But it can positively impact your kid’s attitude—and it can grow with practice.

4. Help her make the most of what comes her way.

Star, my friend’s daughter, didn’t get hired for the part-time babysitting job she wanted last summer. But with her mom’s help, Star realized she had time to take driver’s ed classes instead. Because she’s only 14, she hadn’t even thought about learning to drive. But now she seized the opportunity.

Teaching kids to be positive and to find the joy in a bad or disappointing situation isn’t easy, but it’s a skill that’ll help them rebound quicker. And making the most of any situation simply hinges on a willingness to try.

Looking on the bright side can take some training. How are you teaching kids to be positive in your family?

The post 4 Ways to Teach Kids to Look on the Bright Side appeared first on iMOM.

I’m not a fan of bugs, but during the preschool years, I was a fan of simple, themed playdate ideas, even if they involved little creatures with tiny legs. (And I’m not talking about my 2-year-old. ) Playdates don’t need to be complicated to be memorable. Your home most likely already includes the elements for an elevated playdate. Find inspiration with these 19 playdate ideas for toddlers and preschoolers.

Indoor Playdate Ideas

1. Box ‘Em In – Save up your delivery boxes for this one! Provide cardboard boxes, tubes, and other recyclable materials for kids to build their own forts, castles, or spaceships.

2. Summer Camp – It’s always warm and dry inside! So, pitch a tent indoors and toss in flashlights, cozy blankets, and stuffed animals. Serve oven-baked s’mores for a snack.

3. Under Construction  – Blocks, LEGOs, Lincoln Logs. Bring all the building toys out and let the kids build something together or create structures independently.

4. At the Movies – This is one of the easiest playdate ideas to pull off. Invite your child’s friends over to watch a favorite movie. Pop the corn and offer candy just like at the theater. Invite kids to dress like one of the characters or bring along a stuffed animal to watch, too.

Messy (Controlled) Mayhem

5. Rollin’ With My Lil Homies – Roll out butcher paper over a plastic tablecloth. Add globs of washable paint in different colors and put cars and other small toys on the paper. Then let the kids play in the paint with the toys. These other art activities would be fun playdate ideas, too!

6. Moldable Masterpieces – Set out various colors, along with rolling pins and cookie cutters. Let kids create works of art.

7. Contained Excitement – Add potting soil to several large plastic containers with lids. Add toy dinosaurs, action figures, shovels, cups, etc.

8. You’ve Been Slimed. – Provide ingredients for making slime. Unlike some of the other playdate ideas, little ones might need extra supervision for this one.

Pretend Play Ideas

9. It’s Coronation Day! – Or is it the Queen’s Ball? Either way, pull out the fancy costumes and crowns because everyone will need to dress the part.

10. Ahoy, There Cowboy! – Rope in your little ones to play cowboys or pirates (or both!). Set out eye patches, cowboy hats, and red bandanas. No costumes? No problem. Action figures or playsets work just as well, too. Serve up a pirate snack or one of these other cool snacks for kids, too.

11. What’s Up, Doc? – Open a vet clinic for the morning. Invite all children to bring a stuffed animal that doesn’t feel well. Then provide bandages and a toy doctor or vet kit for the little veterinarians.

12. 3-2-1 Blastoff – Nope. That’s not a blanket fort in the den. It’s a rocket ship headed to Mars. Or wait. It’s a supersonic jet just for superheroes flying in to save the day!

Backyard Playdate Ideas

13. Dinosaur Dig – Bury toy dinosaurs in a sandbox or in the yard and let the kids excavate them using toy shovels and paint brushes.

14. Toddler Pool Party – Your child and his friends will love a kiddie pool full of bath toys, bubbles, and each other. Throw in a hula hoop and see if they can make giant bubbles! This playdate will need extra adult supervision because of the water involved.

15. Outdoor Restaurant – Bring out the toy kitchen cookware or use disposable plates, bowls, and utensils, and invite the kids to make mudpies, grass salads, or some other pretend meal based on what they find in nature.

16. Rock On – Send kids on a backyard rock hunt. Give each child a bucket for all the rock treasures they find. Extend the playdate by painting some of the rocks found.

On the Driveway

17. Chalk the Course – Grab sidewalk chalk. Then, on your driveway, draw curvy roads, loop-de-loop roads, or straight paths to the mountains (or beach)! Then dump out the toy cars and let the kids drive around.

18. Cone-y Island – Pull out the little orange cones and create a driving course for those tricycles, scooters, or Big Wheels. Use chalk to make a few parking spots and destinations, such as the playground, a fast food restaurant, or an amusement park.

19. Portrait Mode – Invite each child to lie down on their backs so moms can use chalk to trace the outline of their bodies. Then, pass the chalk to the kids and let them color in the details.

What are your favorite playdate ideas that your kids love?

The post 19 Simple Ideas to Elevate Your Playdate Game appeared first on iMOM.

That I-can-do-it attitude has an official name: self-efficacy. It’s a belief that you’re capable of succeeding. Children with high self-efficacy are more likely to tackle challenges. They see difficulties as obstacles to overcome, not walls to stop them, and it empowers them to become independent learners and problem-solvers. Ready to build it in your child? Try these 4 ideas that will help grow an I-can-do-it-attitude.  

1. Give her an opportunity for a mastery experience.

When my husband was a church youth minister and on a retreat in the mountains, he showed the teens where they’d be gathering one night for a fireside session. As he pointed to the top of a steep hill, a couple of perceptive teens pointed out that there was no seating or fire pit. He explained, “You guys are building the benches and the pit.” Several hours, splinters, and beads of sweat later, they’d created a space where they could gather and an experience none of them would ever forget.

You might not be able to send your kid up a mountain to build a fire, but mastery experiences show your child he can muster what it takes to succeed. They are the most influential source of self-efficacy according to psychologist Albert Bandura who introduced the concept back in the 1970s. A mastery experience for a 4-year-old might be building a skyscraper with blocks or buttoning up his shirt. For a 12-year-old, maybe it’s mowing the lawn without any help from Dad or learning to play a song on the piano.   

2. Show him other people succeeding.

If you’ve ever signed up for a workout program after seeing before-and-after pics, you know how seeing others achieve can help build an I-can-do-it attitude in yourself. Bandura called this a vicarious experience or social role model.

My friend’s son Max loves basketball but is… vertically challenged. Max’s dad showed him videos of NBA’s Spudd Webb winning the 1986 slam dunk contest at just five foot seven. Watching this guy fly made Max believe he could, too, and he tried out for (and made) his high school team.   

3. Speak words of encouragement.

“You have what it takes.” My friend Megan’s husband says that to their 4-year-old son every night at tuck-in. She beamed with pride when she overheard her little guy talking to himself while putting together a LEGO set: “I have what it takes!” Yes. You or another adult mentor telling your child he’s capable can actually convince him he is!

The key to the success of “persuasive words,” as Bandura calls them, is to create an environment that supports your child as she tries to achieve. Just saying that “you can do it” and walking away can lead to failure and make your child doubt your words in the future. So if your middle schooler is trying to ace her Spanish test, couple your persuasive words with an offer to run through flash cards. You’re giving her a boost and showing her she’s worth the investment of your time. 

4. Reroute the frustration to become motivation.

Frustration is a natural part of the learning process. Bandura found that the way we respond to that inevitable frustration impacts self-efficacy. If your child is trying to do a puzzle and can’t get the pieces to fit, her brow might furrow and she might clench her teeth. When you notice this, help create a mental link for her. Have her take a deep breath and connect her physiological response to the positive thought “I can conquer a challenge” instead of a defeating thought: “This is too hard.”

Clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy said when she noticed her child was frustrated over a puzzle, instead of helping her finish, she would say, “The feeling you get when you think you can’t do something and then you keep going and you do it is the best feeling. And I don’t want to take that feeling away from you.” Make space for frustration and use it to create new pathways for can-do thinking.

How do you respond when your child feels defeated? What’s your go-to method to build an I-can-do-it attitude?

The post 4 Ways to Help Your Kids Build an I-Can-Do-It Attitude appeared first on iMOM.

If you’ve struggled with how to teach resilience to your kids, avoid these 5 common mistakes. With time, you’ll likely see a change in your child. I’m working on it too!

1. Watch them too closely.

Why wouldn’t I want to watch my kids? I love them and I want to keep them safe. But neuropsychologist William Stixrud and educator Ned Johnson argue that supervising our kids’ play and monitoring their whereabouts at all hours “may lower our own anxiety” but “can make our kids more anxious.” It communicates that “I don’t trust you, and you can’t be safe without my supervision.”

Do this instead: To teach resilience and to make kids less anxious, Stixrud and Johnson suggest we convey more trust in our kids and ease up on our monitoring: “I trust that you can ask for help when you need it!” “Let’s think about the best ways of keeping you safe.”

2. Try too hard to cheer them up.

I don’t like seeing my kid sad or frustrated, and you probably don’t either. But all kids need to learn how to handle these feelings. “[I]f we want kids to develop emotional resilience, we cannot be the ones who always pull them out of hard emotions,” say Stixrud and Johnson. “We can unwittingly give our kids messages that ‘we don’t like’ those feelings, making it harder for them to bring those feelings to us when they really need to.”

Do this instead: Let your kids sit with their emotions but say “I’m here for you if you want to talk” and “It’s OK to feel sad (frustrated/angry/hurt).” Having these feelings helps them make sense of the world.

3. Ask a million questions.

When my son started at a new school, I asked every day if he’d made a new friend. I didn’t realize until much later that my questions stressed him out. Even though your questions may not state concern outright, asking so many, or on the same issue, “keeps the spotlight on something [your kid] may have moved on from or wants to move on from, or that [he] simply needs a break from,” say Stixrud and Johnson. The questions signal to him that you’re worried.

Do this instead: Start off by listening. If he knows you’re receptive, he’ll let you know when there’s a problem. You can also find a balance and say something like, “I know it’s been hard making new friends, and I’d like to talk with you here and there. How about we check in on Fridays?”

4. Pity them.

I realized I was feeling sorry for my kid when her best friend moved away. She’d come home and tell me she sat alone at lunch. I’d go into sad-face mode: “Awww, you poor thing!” Dwelling on it too long can turn it into pity. I realized later that by feeling sorry for her, I wasn’t equipping her with the resilience and confidence to go out and make new friends. So, while it might be natural to feel pity, we don’t want our kids to feel sorry for themselves. Rather, we want them to know we believe in them, so they believe in themselves too.

Do this instead: Validate how your child feels and empathize with what they’re going through, without minimizing it. Avoid over-the-top positivity. And instead of pity, communicate courage. If you want to know how to build resilience in your child, let her know you have confidence in her and that she can tackle whatever she’s going through.

5. Let them avoid it.

Many of us have made this mistake. We let our kids avoid tough decisions or skip an activity that causes them stress. But when we allow them to avoid things that make them nervous, we’re allowing that anxiety to remain—even grow. We’re validating their fears instead of encouraging our kids to face them.

Do this instead: Encourage your child to come up with his own strategy to cope. You could say, “I know you’re really nervous, but what can you tell yourself when you feel this way?” Stepping back so your child can find the skills to cope is how to teach resilience.

Have you struggled with how to teach resilience to your kids? What have you done (or not done) that’s worked?

The post Want to Build Resilience? Avoid These 5 Mistakes appeared first on iMOM.

Sometimes teachers and kiddos just don’t mesh. So what do you do? Make your child stick it out? Talk to administration? Research shows that students who feel supported and cared for by their teachers are more likely to develop self-regulation skills and a love of learning, so it’s worth it to take action. Here are 5 ideas for what to do if a kid doesn’t like a teacher.

1. Look for signs of trouble.

Unlike a high schooler who probably makes her feelings for a teacher quite clear, a younger child might not express her feelings verbally. Look for other signs of a rocky relationship like extra tears over issues unrelated to school, decreased motivation, acting out, and stalling at bedtime. Increased anxiety is another sign, and it can manifest physically, so track those complaints of tummy aches.

2. Open the lines of communication with your child.

If you’re asking what to do if a kid doesn’t like a teacher, the answer is not to email administration at the first sign of distress. Ask your child about what’s happening in the classroom. Does she not like the teacher’s style of leading discussions? Does your child say the teacher singles him out, or is it a class-wide issue? Could it be that your child doesn’t like the increased rigor of this school year?

One of my sons complained for weeks about a teacher. After a bit of digging, I discovered that his main beef was that she had fewer classroom parties than his previous teachers. I had to break it to him that it wasn’t the teacher’s fault and that the number of parties was going to continue to dwindle.

As you have these chats, try to keep a positive tone. The teacher still deserves your child’s respect, and speaking negatively about her might give your child the impression he can do the same.

3. Ask yourself the tough questions.

When you’re thinking about what to do if a kid doesn’t like a teacher, ask yourself if the source of the problem is that your child needs a different learning environment. Some kids don’t do well in classes with too many children, and others need an extra challenge. Your child might have a teacher who isn’t trained to teach the way he needs whereas instructors from years past have been able to make it work.

Another factor to consider is how much school your child has missed. While absences shouldn’t affect the way teachers treat students, chronic absenteeism can make it difficult for the teacher to help your child stay up to speed. A perceptive child might pick up the teacher’s frustrations. It can also make it harder for a child to connect with a teacher and her specific classroom management style.

4. Take a collaborative approach.

A couple of months into second grade, a friend’s daughter started dreading school. My friend called a parent-teacher conference and was respectful but frank. She said, “I’m sure she’s exaggerating, but she keeps saying all you do is yell. Can you shed any light on this?” The teacher admitted she’d yelled a few times, but also said she was struggling to keep control of this wild bunch. This conference taught the teacher that the girl was very sensitive to yelling, and my friend told her daughter she needed to be a leader in class and encourage kids to cool it.

Once you have a clearer picture of the situation with your child, a parent-teacher conference can lead to more open communication. Approach it with a collaborative spirit, focusing on solutions rather than blame. Here’s iMOM’s free Parent-Teacher Conference Worksheet.

5. Empower your child.

You can’t force your child to love his teacher, but you can give him tools to get through the school day. Talk about how it’s OK not to like everyone, including teachers. Encourage communication by role-playing scenarios. One of my sons’ teachers talked really fast, which made my son nervous to speak up. We practiced how to respectfully ask a question like, “I’m sorry if I didn’t hear you say this, but can you please repeat what pages we’re supposed to read?”

Don’t forget to empower your child by celebrating small wins. Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s efforts and progress, regardless of his or her rapport with the teacher.

Did you ever have a problem with a teacher? How did you get through it?

The post 5 Steps to Take When Your Child Doesn’t Click With a Teacher appeared first on iMOM.

In the end, JOMO won. Our family had a great evening staying home, watching a movie. Choosing joy over choosing fear is a good feeling. And there are things we can do to help our kids find more JOMO in life. Here are 4 ways to nurture it with your children.

1. Remind kids they have choices.

“The meaning of JOMO is really embracing the idea of just finding joy and contentment, of opting out or missing out on activities, and prioritizing your self-care,” says psychologist Susan Albers. It doesn’t mean skipping all social activities but being more choosey with what you do.

Asking questions is a great way to get kids thinking: Do I really want to do this? Teach your kids they don’t have to say yes to every social situation. Knowing they have a choice can help them figure out who they are and what they really like.

2. Schedule regular breaks from screens.

Many of the girls in my daughter’s fourth-grade class had gotten into Facebook messenger. A friend told me her daughter Crystal and another girl messaged all weekend, and Crystal’s friend talked nonstop about her new hamster. Next thing you know, Crystal wanted a hamster too. She had a little FOMO about raising a rodent. Crystal’s wise mother reminded her of the joy of missing out: no smelly cage to clean, no noisy hamster wheel keeping you up at night, and no allowance spent on hamster food.

As kids get older, screens and social media will be become more of a temptation. “To encourage more JOMO and less FOMO, parents can help guide kids toward personal contentment with more phone-free activities such as reading, journaling, face-to-face conversations, [and] outdoor activities,” advises McAfee. And if she still wants a hamster? Well, if the JOMO of no screens equals a new pet, maybe it’s worth it?

3. Engage in downtime.

For some of kids, it’s go-go-go all the time, am I right? School. Lessons. Appointments. Playdates. But for kids who are more introverted, JOMO is a relief to all the stimulation of school and social activities. It can be the needed break from all the busyness. Even extraverted kids can have too much of a good thing. And downtime can be the answer—something we all need periodically to recharge.

Writer Iva-Marie Palmer says, “Where FOMO can cause anxiety and even physical symptoms like sweating or panic,” JOMO is the opposite. It’s about leaving stress behind, not worrying about being productive or teaching kids a skill. Rather, it’s the joy of leaving all that behind.

4. Encourage independent thinking.

“Do you want to go the game because you’re afraid of missing out? Or is it something you truly want to do?” my friend Katie asked her son Parker. She knew he wasn’t a big basketball fan, and he didn’t get excited when another mom volunteered to take the boys. “I don’t want to look like a loser if I don’t go,” Parker said. She reminded him that the game would be several hours, he’d get home late, and he’d have to wake up early for church the next morning. Parker ended up deciding he’d rather stay home. As psychologist Susan Albers says, “Sometimes, all you need is to take a moment to pause and evaluate what you truly get joy out of before you jump in.”

“JOMO reminds us that we can not only not fear that we are missing something important, but actually enjoy missing something,” said associate professor Tali Gazit. Talking it through with her son helped Katie put the evening in perspective for him. Parker then got to spend the evening hitting tennis balls at the park with his family—a game he truly enjoyed.

How have you and your kids experienced JOMO in recent weeks?

The post Heard of JOMO? How to Give It to Your Kids appeared first on iMOM.

You might be surprised to learn that asking for help seems inconceivable to many children. Even kids as young as five may struggle. According to research, kids hesitate primarily because they don’t want to appear dumb in front of others. So they choose to struggle in silence instead (or, in my daughter’s case, they stomp away from the idea). Thankfully, seeking help is a learned behavior. If you suspect your child struggles with asking for help, use these 5 strategies to show raising your hand is actually a genius move.

1. Be a safe space where questions are welcomed.

You are your child’s first and best teacher. By creating a judgment-free environment, you communicate to your child that curiosity and asking questions is a natural part of learning. Knowing the answer and seeking help when you don’t are both signs of intelligence.

When you address your child’s questions with patience and respect, you build his confidence in exploring the world around him. Your openness reassures your child that his inquiries are valued, reducing the fear of judgment or reprimand. And encouraging your child to be inquisitive helps spark a love of learning! For example, you could say things like: That’s such a great question. What made you think to ask that? I love how your mind works! Your curiosity is one of the things I love about you. Thank you for asking that. You made a smart choice to ask me about it.

2. Lead by example.

As moms, we don’t need Neighborhood Watch or an HOA to monitor our every move. We’ve got kids to do that. Even when you don’t realize your child is watching and listening, well, there she is, watching and listening. If your child sees you asking for help (and not making a big deal about it), she’ll be likelier to do the same.

Of course, you can eventually find that item by wandering around the store for 10 minutes. And, yes, you can lift with your knees to move the den furniture around by yourself, too. But by letting your child witness you asking for help, you show her that it’s OK to do the same.

3. Acknowledge and praise him when he asks for help.

While this idea seems simple, it packs a powerful punch. Positive reinforcement leads to repeated behavior. Effective praise can look like encouraging your child when you hear him asking for help. For example, “You’re such a problem-solver. I love how you took the initiative to ask for help with that math problem you couldn’t figure out on your own. Sometimes, being a problem-solver means knowing when to raise your hand.”

4. Role-play scenarios with her.

By practicing asking for help, your child will build confidence, develop communication skills, and reduce fear or anxiety. Role-playing will also help her try out different ways to seek assistance and reinforce the idea that asking for help is a positive and constructive choice.

Role-playing can happen anywhere. Try it the next time you’re in the car together. Side-by-side conversations can be easier for many kids. For example, say something like this: If you need help opening your Thermos at lunch, who could you ask? What would you say? If you can’t find the next Junie B. Jones book on the shelf, what could you say to the librarian?

5. Point out when your child helps others.

When you witness your child helping someone else, briefly talk about it later. For example, ask: Did you feel good helping your friend when he asked for it? Did you think he should’ve already known the answer or been able to do that without your help? Do you think differently about your friend because he needed help? 

These types of guiding questions can reduce any stigma or fear your child might associate with asking questions or seeking assistance himself. Plus, they create an environment where mutual support is normalized, encouraging your child to feel more comfortable and confident. 

What have you found works to teach your child why asking for help is important?

The post New Study Shows Kids Are Afraid to Ask for Help appeared first on iMOM.

My kid isn’t unique. Most tweens and teens struggle to express empathy and need our guidance to jump adolescent hurdles tripping them up. Get to know these 5 common barriers your teen faces and how to use practical empathy activities for middle schoolers and high schoolers to help your child overcome them.

1. The Pressure to Fit In 

Teenagers are hungry to fit in with their peers. (Judging by their color-coordinated 40-oz tumblers, they’re pretty thirsty, too.) The same pressure to fit in that leads to them carrying around matching cups can prevent a teen from being around peers who have diverse experiences and perspectives. Plus, their compulsion to conform to peer expectations can stifle their ability to understand and share in the feelings of others.

What’s a mom to do? Encourage open conversations about the importance of empathy and model empathetic behavior toward her, such as actively listening, forgiving one another, and offering comfort when your teen needs it. By fostering an environment and relationship with you where empathy is valued and practiced, you can help your teenager build the confidence to stand out and show genuine kindness, despite peer influence.

2. The Self-Absorption Stage (Psst—it’s totally normal!)

Your teen’s brain is still growing. During adolescence, the brain goes through a developmental stage focusing on the self. (So, yes, many teens do appear selfish.) As teenagers concentrate intensely on their identities and experiences, they may struggle to recognize and respond to the feelings and needs of others. They’re focused inward and super worried about how others perceive them, rather than outward-focused and concerned about how others might feel.

What’s a mom to do? You can help your teen overcome this barrier by encouraging self-awareness and perspective-taking. Engage your teen in conversations that highlight the importance of understanding others’ emotions and viewpoints, and coach your child to practice empathy through volunteer work, texting that friend who’s struggling, or asking someone new to join in his group ELA project. By actively guiding your teenager to look beyond his own experiences, you can help him cultivate a more profound sense of empathy and compassion.

3. The Decrease in Face-to-Face Interactions

Face-to-face interactions involve body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, all crucial for understanding another person’s emotions. But “reading the room” gets harder when you aren’t actually in the room. And, since most teens rely heavily on digital communication, your teen may receive limited practice in building and refining those empathetic abilities.

What’s a mom to do? While scheduling a playdate isn’t one of those go-to empathy activities for middle schoolers, it’s exactly what your teen needs. (Just don’t call it a playdate!). Instead, offer to order pizza or subs for a study session or movie night with friends. Or encourage your teen to head to his school’s football game on Friday, join that school club, or volunteer at church.

4. The Empathy Fatigue

With constant online exposure, adolescents can become desensitized to distressing news and images. Plus, teens are still learning about setting and maintaining emotional boundaries. And they may often struggle with knowing what is and isn’t theirs to feel or fix. This can leave your teen feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, making it hard to care as much as he normally would.

What’s a mom to do? Increase face-to-face time with him through one-on-one dates (like these for sons and these for daughters), eating dinner together, or other favorite ways to hang out. These family-focused activities give your teen time to recharge emotionally with the people who love him the most.

5. The Still-Developing Emotional Regulation Skills

Teens are still developing their emotional regulation skills, which can make it challenging for them to manage their own emotions while also empathizing with others. Before understanding someone else’s perspective, a teen must feel seen, understood, and heard.

What’s a mom to do? Of all the empathy activities for middle schoolers and high schoolers, showing empathy toward your teen might be the most impactful. A longitudinal research study from the University of Virginia found that moms can pass empathy to their teens. “What we found was that mothers’ empathy for their teens at age 13 predicted that teen’s empathy for their friends across the adolescent years,” lead author Jessica Stern, a developmental psychologist, said. Showing your child empathy can look like listening without jumping immediately into “fix it” mode or it can involve being fully present (and awake) for a late-night talk.

Which empathy activities for middle schoolers do you find help your teen overcome the common barriers above?

The post How to Help Your Kid Be Less Self-Centered appeared first on iMOM.