“Will I get a shot?” my oldest daughter asked when I reminded her about her upcoming checkup. Ugh. I knew the answer, but I also knew what saying “yes” would stir up: fear. And, speaking mom to mom, I didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with it right then. So, I gave the classic mom answer—”Maybe.”
My kid isn’t the only one who dreads going to the pediatrician. Forty percent of children under 12 fear needles, which points to a major reason for avoidance. For your next doctor visit, test out these 5 ideas to chart a clear path for your child to manage (and overcome) a fear of the doctor.
1. Explain what to expect at the appointment.
Kids like knowing what to expect. We all do, right? Describing the purpose of a doctor’s appointment (and what will happen during it) in simple, reassuring words gives your child a glimpse of the order of the visit. And, just like a predictable daily routine, explaining what to expect at the visit gives your child a sense of security.
Be specific about what will happen—how long the wait might be and what the doctor will do. For example, say: “She’ll use a stethoscope to listen to your heart and lungs. When she listens to your lungs, she’ll ask you to take a deep breath, hold it, and slowly release it.” And, Mom, if your child fears needles like mine, Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta recommends using honest and age-appropriate language to talk about it. However, find what works best for your child.
2. Help her label and process her emotions.
Your child can’t help but automatically kick her leg out when the doctor taps her knee. It’s a
neurological response. For kids with a fear of the doctor, they may also experience an automatic neurological response by feeling anxious, worried, or overwhelmed at the thought of going. Talk with your child about what she might be feeling and why. Our Printable Feelings Wheel can help. For example, You seem to be feeling anxious about going to the doctor. Are you scared about something specific?
Validate her feelings while also helping her learn how not to let an emotion control her actions. For example, “I know you feel scared about going to the doctor. Sometimes, I feel nervous about going to the doctor, too. However, I know it helps me stay healthy and strong, so I don’t let my feelings control my actions.”
3. Develop a coping skills plan together.
During her lifetime, your child will encounter other challenging situations she won’t be able to avoid. That’s why teaching her coping skills will help her successfully walk through more than just a fear of the doctor. Your child might want to bring a book or play a game on your phone as a distraction. Or she may find deep breathing or prayer helps to keep her fear in check. A stuffed animal or blankie to squeeze comes in handy, too.
Pack some earbuds, too. For many kids, listening to music is scientifically proven to help. “There is growing scientific evidence showing that the brain responds to music in very specific ways,” says Lisa Hartling, PhD, professor of pediatrics at the University of Alberta and lead author of one study published in JAMA Pediatrics. “Playing music for kids during painful medical procedures is a simple intervention that can make a big difference.”
4. Encourage him to talk to the doctor.
Empowering your child to ask and answer questions during his appointment helps manage fear by giving him control. Brainstorm together one or two questions to ask. Start the conversation by asking your child if he’s ever wondered: How do I know if I’m allergic to something? How tall will I be when I stop growing? Will I be able to go to practice after getting my blood drawn? Why do I get headaches sometimes? I’m scared of needles. What helps your other patients?
Write down his questions, and let him ask the doctor. Speaking up during his appointment gives him practice advocating for his health with you there for support.
5. Avoid getting sucked into her stress.
Mom, this one is just for you. Your child’s worry doesn’t need to become your worry. When her fear of the doctor starts to swirl, be the anchor in her emotional storm. Hold your emotions steady so you can steady hers. She’ll look to you to draw strength and calm.
What is your biggest challenge in helping your child overcome a fear of the doctor?
