The B-word. Bored. It’s a big no-no in my house, and for some reason, it comes out of one of my kids’ mouths way more often than the other’s. When boredom strikes, my younger son will flop on the couch and groan, “Mom, I’m borrrred.” My older son might feel bored, but he’ll say something like, “I don’t know what to do.”
Noticing this difference in my sons made me realize that boredom isn’t caused by a lack of something to do as much as it is a mindset. That means saying “find something to do” to my boredom-prone younger son isn’t actually addressing the problem. But there are things to say to a bored child that will not only help him get “unbored” but also help him know how to respond next time boredom kicks in. Here are 2.
1. “What does that tell you?”
We’re all familiar with the feeling of boredom, but have you ever thought about what it actually is? Like disappointment or anger, boredom is an emotion kids need help labeling and working through. In his book Propelled: How Boredom, Frustration, and Anticipation Lead Us to the Good Life, author Andreas Elpidorou says boredom is a signal that tells us that what we’re doing isn’t meaningful.
If your child says she’s bored while reading the newest YA fantasy novel, ask, “What does that tell you?” She might realize the genre’s not piquing her interest and switch to a biography. Or maybe she’ll pause for a moment and say, “I need to take a break and stretch.” Helping our kids identify and respond to their feelings is a tool that will help them in every area of their lives, so don’t be afraid to work through this strategy with your kids over and over.
2. “What do you think you should do?”
Have you ever found your bored kid doing something risky, like holding a match to the edge of a paper towel? I have, and I usually say something like, “What made you think this was a good idea?” That right there gets to the heart of the effects of boredom. Research by Shane Bench, a psychology professor at Utah State University, found that people who report feelings of boredom perceive risk-taking as more positive. Our kids literally think risky behavior is a good idea when they’re bored.
So asking the question, “What do you think you should do about that?” can cue your child’s brain to work through the discomfort (instead of react to it). This leads them to practice the skill of self-regulation—the ability to manage one’s own emotions and impulses.
Bench says that because boredom is a natural feeling that kids experience frequently, it’s fertile ground for them to learn how to practice self-regulation. “What do you think you should do?” could prompt a good response, like going to the game closet instead of a bad response like walking around the house moaning and groaning. Next time you hear “I’m bored,” you’ll hopefully hear an opportunity instead of an annoyance.
What are some things to say to a bored child that might spark his or her imagination?
