As a kid, I had a face-off with a mean girl on the school bus. I didn’t like her bugging my sister! Years later, my daughter also had a showdown with a mean kid during swim practice. And my son caught the malicious eye of a bully in the middle school locker room. A mean kid can pop up anywhere. If our kids don’t stand up to the meanness, those other kids can turn into full-fledged bullies pretty fast. And no one wants that.
You can prepare your kids for if and when a mean kid comes along. Teach them these 5 ways to stand up to mean kids and stop bullies before a situation gets out of control.
1. Give an assertive response.
“Leave her alone!” my daughter said. Apparently, a boy in her lane at swim practice had been teasing another swimmer and my daughter had had enough. I was glad she helped out. At home, I’ve heard her tell her brother to “leave me alone” if she’s bothered by him. Sometimes it takes a few times to be effective, but when a mean kid (or an annoying sibling) receives a confident, no-nonsense response, he typically backs off.
Mean kids prey on those they think won’t fight back. So have your child practice standing up tall with shoulders back and chin up. She should also try to make eye contact with the offender.
2. Drop the mean kid’s name into your response.
“Stop it, Jenna” has more force behind it than a simple “stop it” does. It makes your child sound self-assured. It’s also a great way to project confidence even if she doesn’t feel it in the heat of the moment.
Social work specialist Signe Whitson advises kids to use the mean kid’s name. It tells that person your child means what she says. It might also be surprising enough to make the bully want to back off.
3. Stay calm.
Two boys in my daughter’s class periodically try to get a rise out of her by saying hurtful things like “Don’t pick her for tag” or “She stole my pencil.” I asked my daughter how she responds. She said she’s learned how to give them a particular look to silence them. “Show me,” I said. She narrowed her eyes into a glare, then turned away with an eyeroll. Pretty good, I thought.
To stop bullies, tell your child it’s important not to react with emotion. A mean kid wants a reaction. It’s why he does it. So, taking a breath and speaking in a firm but even tone won’t give him what he wants. The trick is to stay calm. Direct eye contact followed by an eyeroll should also send the message that no one can ruffle your kid’s feathers.
4. Connect with a friend or an adult.
My middle schooler told me she just couldn’t find a good opportunity to approach her teacher alone during the day. So, she emailed her about the two boys who occasionally still bothered her. It helped. The teacher changed their seats shortly afterward.
Your child shouldn’t have to tolerate any form of belittlement, name-calling, or unwanted touching. If she’s worried about looking like a tattletale, tell her it’s not tattling when someone’s harassing you. According to Whitson, “[I]t is only by telling an adult that kids can begin to re-balance the power dynamic. When a bully realizes that he will not be able to keep a victim isolated, he immediately begins to lose power.” Getting up and going to sit with a friend or stand by an adult could also deter a mean kid in the moment.
5. Take action.
Instead of ignoring a mean kid and hoping he or she will go away, there’s a better way for kids to stop bullies. Whether it’s name-calling, pulling hair, or some other mild teasing, standing up to the harasser could put an end to it sooner. So, why wait?
A quick, assertive response or a chat with the teacher could stop a mean kid in his tracks. Standing up for yourself is empowering and though it’s awful dealing with a bully, your child could gain confidence through this difficulty. Protecting himself and possibly future victims could give him the proof that he’s capable of overcoming hard things.
What advice can you give parents to stop bullies from hurting their children?
