Our family has endured school car lines for over a decade and here’s what I’ve learned: Car line brings out the worst in people. The time I hoisted my daughter over the school fence and told her to run ranks among the top of my unpolished parenting moments. As I watched the custodian close the gate, the thought of pulling my toddler and newborn out of the car (to walk my eldest in through the front office) was just too much. She cleared the fence and ran, and I realized I’d hit a new car line low.
I wasn’t proud of that hasty decision, and I never chucked my daughter over the fence again. But breaking that rule sure simplified my life in a moment when following the rules felt like it might break me. I’ll never be a poster girl for breaking the rules, but here are a few times it might be OK to bend them.
1. To Protect Yourself or Others
There’s a very busy intersection that our kids still dramatically refer to as “the place where Daddy saved that lady’s life” because of the time my husband bent a few driving rules to help someone in need. He could see the traffic wasn’t moving, and he quickly realized there was a stalled vehicle in the middle of the six-lane road. Without any planning or discussion, he jumped out of our car and said to me, “Move over to the driver’s seat and find somewhere safe to park.”
The otherwise distracted kids popped their heads up from their screens and books with a string of questions all basically asking the same thing—what is going on? As I watched my husband attempt to redirect oncoming traffic, three other men joined him as he pushed the lady’s vehicle to the nearest parking lot. My youngest son kept asking, “Is Daddy allowed to do that? Is Daddy OK?” I know it sounds cliche, but I stand by what I told him that day—it’s always OK to help someone. Speeding on a drive to the hospital or borrowing something without asking are usually forgivable infractions when done for the sake of protecting others.
2. To Simplify a Situation
I fly to Michigan with my kids every summer, and my husband joins us a couple of weeks later. Flying solo with three minors is not for the faint of heart. Airlines are rule-creating wizards, and air travel is full of standing in lines, waiting our turn, and following strict procedures. While I think we would still score an A- by the end of the day, the one rule I consistently bend is not boarding with our scheduled group. My kids know we will always be the last party to step on that plane regardless of when we are called. We don’t need any extra congestion or confined time on that 747, so we wait until the terminal is empty and they make the final call for our flight.
Simplifying our boarding experience and reducing our time on the plane makes this rule-bend a win-win. Consider jumping in the pool instead of the shower, wearing the same clothes two days in a row, or having a day or two without any vegetables as a badge of efficiency rather than a mark of rule-breaking.
When is the right time to change a rule? In this episode of the iMOM Podcast, Susan tells the story of when her family’s rules about sleepovers were adjusted and the group discusses being rule followers or rule benders. Listen to “Rules Better Bent Than Broken” and subscribe to the iMOM Podcast for new episodes every Monday.
3. To Honor the Big Picture
Our entire extended family lives in Michigan, and we’re the wild ones who moved to Florida. Our kids repeatedly ask us if we can move to Michigan, but they know nothing of the long winter months and countless days without sunshine. They associate Michigan with their 10 cousins—their top 10 reasons for wanting to live there. For the past few years, we’ve made a habit of bending the school rules when the cousins come down to Florida. Our kids will either skip a day of school, or get signed out a few hours early, and I have no doubt that the extra hours with cousins are more valuable than the extra hours in school that day.
My kids might fall shy of a perfect attendance award, but the time they spend with family has much greater value in the bigger picture of their childhood. Sometimes staying up past bedtime, having birthday cake before dinner, or taking unplanned days off builds such strong memories that following the rules pales in comparison.
When else do you think it’s OK to bend the rules?
