“So, are we starting driving lessons soon?” the pediatrician asked us. My 15-year-old son sat on the edge of the exam table for his annual checkup, his long legs dangling off the edge. I swallowed. “I haven’t really looked into it,” I said. The doctor chuckled. “No? Not that excited about him driving?” My firstborn raised his eyebrows at me. He may be tall and his voice deep, but he had a collection of LEGOs in his room and I just couldn’t believe we’d entered this new phase. I met the doctor’s eyes. “I am,” I said. Then I looked away. “Sort of.”
I knew this day would eventually come, but it’d snuck up on me. What about you? Has your teen started driving? Like me, are you both excited and nervous about putting him behind the wheel? Teaching your teenager to drive initiates a whole new chapter in both your lives. Here are 10 things your teen needs to know about driving before he starts.
1. Your Family Rule About Phones
It’s not only unsafe to text while driving, but it’s illegal almost everywhere in the US. Your teen might know this already, but is he clear on phone calls too? Will you allow him to make hands-free calls while he’s on the road, or should he pull over? You might want to consider limiting any phone use for the first year of driving or putting an app on his phone to minimize distractions.
2. The Dangers of Distracted Driving
A car blasting music cruised past us, the driver’s hair whipping about her face. My tween daughter said, “She was jamming!” No doubt. Does your teen know that listening to music, eating and drinking, fixing her hair, and even talking to fellow passengers can distract her from being safe on the road? According to the U.S. Department of Transportation, “Any non-driving activity you engage in is a potential distraction and increases your risk of crashing.” Over 3,000 people died in 2020 from distracted driving. Make sure your child understands that driving requires her full attention on the road. It’s better to be alive and uncool than cool and dead.
3. The Difference Between Defensive and Offensive Driving
“In basketball,” my dad said when I turned 16, “you want to play offense as well as defense. But when you’re driving, only defense.” I asked him what that meant. “You have to drive carefully, always on the lookout for others. You can be the best driver in the world and still get in an accident. A defensive driver watches out for what a reckless, offensive driver might do.” Ah, OK. Being a defensive driver also meant keeping my eyes moving left and right across the road and not driving while distracted. “It’s about being safe,” I told my son. “And anticipating what might happen before it does. You see that stray dog on the sidewalk? And the jogger up ahead?”
4. The Rule on Driving Other Young Passengers
The four kids laughing and chatting in the Jeep Wrangler at the stop sign made me wonder. How many kids would my teen be allowed to drive legally? Some states prohibit teen drivers from driving more than one other teen passenger. According to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Research Institute, “Two or more peer passengers more than triples the risk of a fatal crash with a teen behind the wheel.” Make sure your teen knows your state’s law as well as your family rule on driving friends.
5. Your Expectations About Helping the Family
“I’m so glad she can drive herself to practice now,” my sister-in-law said. But my niece also knew her family expected her to run to the store on occasion for milk or bread. Have you had this conversation yet with your teen?
6. The What-if-This Happens Emergency Plan
When my sister was a teen, she spun out on the highway when her tires hit a patch of ice. She called our dad first, and then he helped by calling AAA. If your child gets pulled over by a cop, make sure he knows where to find the insurance card and registration. Remind him in any situation to take a deep breath, maybe say a prayer, and go from there. But what if he’s had something to drink or he’s too tired after work to drive home? Let your teen know the times you don’t want him to drive too.
7. Your Expectations About Car Maintenance and Care
A friend put it this way to her son: “Don’t make the car your garbage can. Leave the car the way you found it.” My husband wants my teen to play more of a role in washing the car once he starts driving. Decide what your expectations are for your child. Is he allowed to return the car on empty? Or would you prefer he put some gas in? Is he expected to pay for the gas himself? This could be a one-time conversation with your teen, but reminders are helpful too.
8. What May Revoke Your Teen’s Driving Privileges
If your child knows the rules, but you find out he’s done something he shouldn’t, he might need the keys taken away for a while. Driving past curfew, packing the car with friends, or using Snapchat while on the road are all reasons to revoke driving privileges for a while.
9. Driving and Safety Tips
“Never trust a turn signal,” my friend’s dad told her. “People forget they have it on and if you pull out, you could get hit. Wait to see if the car slows down.” Good advice! What other tips can you offer your child? My own dad signed me up for a driver’s education class in my late teens. Even though he wanted to lower our insurance cost, the class also refreshed my memory on street signs, changing lanes, and what to do when an ambulance appears in your rearview mirror. Don’t assume your kid knows or remembers all the rules. Quizzing her often helps keep her skills sharp.
10. That the Road Is an Even Playing Field
The rules of the road apply to everyone whether you’re 16 or 46. “Just because you’re a teen doesn’t mean you get to make a teenage excuse if something goes wrong,” my friend said. “You’re treated as an adult when you’re on the road. All drivers are equal.” I chimed in with my own son: “The same dangers and penalties apply to you as everyone else.” Remind kids their lives can change forever because of the decisions they make on the road.
What other conversations will you have while teaching your teenager to drive?
