Eight. That’s how many alarms our senior sets for herself on a typical school day. Thankfully, my husband and I sleep with an overhead fan, which muffles those jolts going off at six-minute intervals. After being put in charge of getting herself up, she’s figured out what works for her. I’d love to say we made the decision to teach her time management and punctuality, but, in reality, she’s just really grumpy that early. We did it primarily to avoid an argument. However, those skills she’s picked up do help her study habits and will definitely be useful as a grown-up.
Raising a smart teen isn’t always measured by a letter grade. Instead, it often involves instilling skills and character traits to prepare our kids for adulthood. Here are 5 everyday ways you can raise a smart teen.
1. Enforce “lights out.”
According to the Sleep Foundation, 60% of middle schoolers and 70% of high schoolers say they aren’t getting enough sleep, which would be 8 to 10 hours a night. Sleep deprivation contributes to increases in anxiety and depression and decreases in cognitive abilities, such as memory, attention, creativity, and analytical thinking.
While your teenager’s circadian rhythms—cycles of alertness and sleepiness—naturally change during adolescence, keeping a set bedtime schedule for your teen helps to ensure he is getting a consistent amount of sleep each night and teaches him healthy sleep habits. And while it’s not always feasible, leading your teen to go to bed at a decent hour gives his brain and body the rest it needs to recover from the day.
2. Give him his space.
Teens need their space just like we did at their age. And while they spend more extended periods of alone time in their rooms, we miss them, just like our moms probably missed us, too. However, adolescence is a critical period of self-discovery and identity formation. When you support your teen’s growing need for alone time, you create a safe environment at home where he can better understand his thoughts and aspirations and explore his interests, all of which cultivate a strong sense of identity.
By the way, Mom, your kid still needs you. He won’t stay in his room forever. And if it starts to feel that way and you’re concerned with his hygiene or mental health, here are 10 ways to get him out.
3. Let her fail.
In the past two weeks, our teen failed two tests in two different honors classes. She’s an academically smart teen, and those grades served up a double whammy to her self-esteem. Last year, we knew those two classes—along with her other obligations—would stretch her capabilities. Against our advice, she insisted on taking them, and now she needs to buckle down.
Failure can be a defining moment for your teen, but it doesn’t define your teen as a failure. Your teenager needs to learn how to fail, or to be more accurate, she needs to learn how to recover from failure. When you let your teen fail now, when the consequences are relatively low, she gets to practice using her problem-solving skills. Plus, she gets the freedom to prove to herself that she can overcome a misstep by facing the consequences, being resilient, and doing the hard work. (Mom Tip: You can support her best by avoiding these responses.)
4. Don’t fix problems for her.
Not surprisingly, based on her current grade, our teen texted my husband: “Will you email my counselor about dropping down to regular chemistry?” His response? “No, but you can.” After a few more text pleas, she accepted his answer and messaged the school counselor herself.
Yes, it’s often easier to step in and fix your teen’s problems. But, when you do, you take away her chance to practice taking responsibility for her own choices. In How to Raise an Adult, author Julie Lythcott-Haims writes, “When children aren’t given the space to struggle through things on their own, they don’t learn to problem solve very well. They don’t learn to be confident in their own abilities, and it can affect their self-esteem.”
5. Let him take the lead on what happens after high school.
Your teenager carries around hopes and dreams for his adulthood. And, they might differ from your own. When you step back from planning his future, you give him the chance to step forward and take responsibility for who he wants to become. Encourage him to dream and think about the kind of life he’d like to lead as an adult. He might already know what he wants to do or options he wants to explore, and he might not. It’s a process of discovery. By taking the lead, your teen builds confidence and bolsters his independence.
He still needs your guidance, though, so we put together a few ideas to help you both think about life after high school. And hey—he’s a smart teen. You’ve raised him to be one.
What’s your best advice for raising a smart teen?
