My daughter’s friend Avery surprised everyone by not joining the softball team. “She just didn’t want to do it,” her mom, Kim, told me. “We asked her if she wanted to do something else and she said maybe cheerleading.” I tried not to drop my jaw in surprise. Avery had been a clutch hitter the year before. “What does your husband think?” I asked. He coached the girls’ team and his sons’ team. Kim’s face flushed. “He’s fine with it.” I nodded and finally said, “Good for Avery for doing something she wants.” And good for her parents too. It must’ve been hard to step back and let their daughter quit a sport their family clearly loved.
I don’t know why Avery had a change of heart about softball, but I’m glad her family supported her decision. A year after I had this conversation with her mom, I spotted Avery biking through town in a field hockey uniform with a stick poking out of her backpack. “Good for her,” I thought once again. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out which sports our kids might like and harder still to motivate them to play at all. The next time your kid is stuck in a rut, think about these 5 ways to motivate kids in sports.
1. Take the pressure off your child.
Whether it’s to perform or to play at all, you might need to downplay sports and how much you want your kids to join a team. According to Asia Mape in USA Today High School Sports, “Well-intentioned parents and coaches can inadvertently kill motivation by overpraising or pressuring kids.”
Less pressure will also make failure easier to handle. No child will make every play and no team will win every game. A fielding error or ninth-inning loss will have less sting if we haven’t put too much pressure on our kids to always be the best.
2. Consider your kid’s personality.
Is he more social or quiet? Does she enjoy working with others or doing things on her own? As Mape points out, taking long, quiet runs on the cross-country team is going to be very different from basketball with all the physical contact, huddles, and team cheers.
In recent years, my son has discovered downhill skiing. It turns out he doesn’t like the competition of team sports and prefers a sport that lets him challenge himself without a crowd watching or trophies at the finish line.
3. Figure out if the sport is fun for your child.
There are ways to motivate kids in sports, but the number one reason should be fun. Just read any interview with a pro athlete and he or she will say, “I play because I love the game.” Even when I played college volleyball and my coach made us do grueling strength workouts, I loved the game enough to believe the hard parts were worth it.
Ask your kids if they have fun. If one of your kids hesitates, figure out what he or she doesn’t like about the sport and discuss what could be done to change that.
4. Decide on the right goals.
What does your child want to accomplish on the basketball team? Is it to be social and hang out with friends? Or is it to work on skills to become a star? Part of motivating your child might be figuring out where he or she’s coming from when walking out onto the court.
When my daughter wavered over whether she wanted to play softball again this year, I admit to thinking, “But I have so much fun watching your games on Thursday nights!” What are your goals for your children? Prioritizing their goals over yours might help if you want to motivate kids in sports.
5. Give your kid the final say.
If your daughter’s a dedicated tennis player and she’s just not motivated to keep practicing, maybe she needs to take a break from the sport and re-evaluate her purpose. Is she playing tennis for you or for herself? Is she overwhelmed with too many other activities? Have her interests changed? If you want her to simply do a sport and it doesn’t matter which one, let her decide.
Like Avery’s parents, step back and see what your child chooses. It might take a few seasons to find one he or she likes, but that’s OK. Making decisions, taking chances, and risking failure are qualities all athletes—and individuals—need to succeed on the field and in life.
What do you do to motivate your kids in sports?
