“Hey, buddy,” I said to my teen son. “You got rizz?” He turned pink and cringed, probably because of the definition that meant having romantic appeal and game. But also because I clearly wasn’t as cool as I thought. “Mom, that’s so wrong.” I only knew this term because Oxford University Press named “rizz” the 2023 word of the year. Short for charisma, it also means “style, charm, or attractiveness.” But I just meant rizz as in having a good personality. You know, charisma? The word that’s been around for years? Sorry, kid.
Teens can have rizz in a way that makes them appeal to others, and not just the opposite sex. These kids have charm, and it draws others toward them. They’re outgoing, optimistic, energetic, and hardworking. While some argue that charisma is something you’re born with, others say it can be taught. Here are 3 ways to teach the skills teens need to be more charismatic.
1. Encourage your teen to use her voice.
There’s no way around it. To be charismatic, teens need to speak up and speak often whether it’s in class discussions or at the lunch table. I know this is tough, especially for kids who are naturally quieter or more introverted. But it’s possible. The more she voices her thoughts, the more others may turn to her for an opinion. Advise her to stay positive rather than critical, but also encourage her to take chances and look for opportunities to contribute her ideas when no one else seems willing. This takes courage! But often it’s what’ll earn her the respect of her peers and teachers.
Benefit: When others listen to her, she’ll gain confidence. It may take time to learn when and how to use her voice. And it’s likely not every response from peers will be positive. But she’ll grow from trying, and she’ll learn from practice. Encourage her to keep speaking up!
2. Challenge him to take positive risks.
A positive risk pushes someone outside his comfort zone but results in a new, affirmative experience. Maybe your teen reaches out to the foreign exchange student in class, gets to know him, and learns more about another culture. Or maybe he runs for class office—and the experience makes him grow in ways he never would have otherwise (whether he wins or not).
According to Psychology Today, some experts argue that charisma can be “learned and cultivated.” It might come more naturally to extroverted teens, but “[l]ike many characteristics, charisma is not something you simply have or don’t have.” The Harvard Business Review agrees: “Charisma is not all innate; it’s a learnable skill or, rather, a set of skills that have been practiced since antiquity.” Just know, it does take effort. Encourage your teen to try new things and to be brave with new experiences and situations.
Benefit: Trying new things can open doors for teens. It can also connect them more to their peers and teachers.
3. Work with her to set goals.
If your teen wants more rizz, knowing how to be charismatic helps. Help her set personal social goals. Bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and founder of the Science of People, Vanessa Van Edwards teaches “people smarts” and agrees that “charisma is a skill you can learn.” She says there are certain traits your child can work on to develop more of a charismatic personality. Help your teen set goals to take on more leadership roles in school and develop better active listening skills (She can practice with a sibling!). Teach her about “warmth” and how her body language can put people at ease. If she wants charisma and sees the benefits, she’ll be more interested in setting goals for herself.
Benefit: Goals can help your teen pinpoint the skills she needs to work on. As she incorporates more people skills into her day, she may find that her social circle begins to grow. She’ll be able to use her growing charisma not only to make new friends, but also for job interviews, and whenever she needs to make a good impression.
There are things we can do to teach kids how to be charismatic. What other ideas do you have?
