Rebecca St. James is among the most defining artists in Christian music. She’s a Grammy Award-winning singer/songwriter and best-selling author, speaker, and actress. She’s also a mother of three and a daughter. Rebecca learned valuable lessons from her mom about parenting, and iMOM is grateful that she’s sharing them here.
My mother, Helen Smallbone, taught me so many things about being a mother! I will forever be grateful for the way she parented me and my six siblings. She’s a hero! You might wonder what lessons are most important to pass on to your kids and which will leave a lasting impact. Here are 5 my mum taught us and how she did it.
1. Live your faith in front of your kids.
My mum modeled intimacy with Jesus to us. When I was around 7, I remember looking up at my mum at church and seeing tears streaming down her face. I was so worried! I turned to her and asked if she was sad. She said that these were tears of joy as she was experiencing God’s love for her (and her love for Him) in worship! I know my little heart longed for the same kind of closeness with God that my mum was experiencing. I learned something powerful that day, and I received a picture in my mind of what intimacy with Jesus looks like.
2. Follow through.
I heard my mum say this so many times, especially when I was a young parent. ”Consistency is key. Follow through. If you say there will be consequences for a negative action on your kid’s part, make sure there are.”
Just last night, my family and I went out for dinner. We have three children, ages 10, 5 and 3. Our youngest began to throw a fit because I took some fries from his plate to share with my older two. They also had to “share” their broccoli and fruit, but these weren’t as prized as the fries. They were easy for them to give up! I said, “River, it was the plan that the fries would be shared. If you keep throwing a fit about the fries, I’ll take you to the bathroom for a time-out.” I didn’t feel like interrupting my own meal to take him, but the whining continued, and I heard my mum’s voice reminding me of what I needed to do. We made the trek to the bathroom. Sure enough, with follow-through, he stopped.
3. Be available for conversations with your children.
One of my most consistent memories from my childhood was having chats with my mum. We would be folding, washing (with seven children in my family, there was a lot of washing!), or cleaning the house together. Or we’d be sitting on the bed, often late at night, musing about the deeper things of life—all such priceless times for me.
She didn’t rush off or act like she had anywhere more important to be. These conversations and my mum’s availability for them were so very formative and important. I was deciding who I was going to be and what I believed! These moments were a precious gift to me and are something I want to give my children as well.
4. Honor your husband in front of your children.
Something I heard growing up was that “the best thing a father can do for his kids is to love their mother.” I saw this in my dad, and it promoted a sense of security in childhood and family life that was incredibly valuable for me. In our family, I also saw my mum love my dad unconditionally.
The movie Unsung Hero (check out the trailer below), which chronicles our family’s journey from Australia to the United States and our faith and family being tested on arrival, shows this. We saw God do miracles in that time, but one of the biggest miracles I witnessed was how faithfully Mum stood by Dad’s side and honored him in the most vulnerable time of his life.
5. Pray together.
Another quote we heard a lot in our house growing up was this: “The family that prays together stays together.” When we moved to the U.S. and had no car, no furniture, no income, no insurance and didn’t know how we’d make it, we prayed. And God provided everything we needed! We saw those miracles happen, and it forever changed my life. It gave me something to sing about when I launched full-time into music at age 16.
I’m thankful for how God has redeemed challenging times in my life. I’ve seen His faithfulness over and over, especially in response to prayer. These experiences have helped prompt our little family of five to prioritize prayer together now, as we come to God about the big and small decisions of life.
I pray that these reflections have been an encouragement to you as you navigate the very high calling of motherhood! My mum is my hero, and I’m sure you’re a hero to your kids as well!
What lessons did you learn from your mother that you hope to pass on to your children?
The movie Unsung Hero is based on the true story of Rebecca St James’s family’s journey from Australia to the United States. In one of the most difficult struggles of their life together, Rebecca’s parents, David and Helen Smallbone, discovered the musical gifts in their children, who would go on to become two of the most successful acts in Christian music history: for KING + COUNTRY and Rebecca St. James.
