Why does it seem like the days we have nothing to give are the days our kids need us the most? I’d been up since 4:30 and felt like I’d been hit by a truck. When I walked in, the mom fatigue made me want to become one with the couch, but my tween came in for a hug and said, “I’m sad.” Deep breath. Shifting into mom mode.
We’ve all heard the advice that we should take care of ourselves first so we can care for the people we love, but there are some days or even seasons of life when we have to find a way to give from a place that’s lacking. If you find yourself in that season now, here are 4 ways to fill your child’s tank when you’re running on empty.
1. Talk to them openly about how you’re feeling.
This is tough if you have little ones because they don’t understand mom fatigue. You’re a superhero, and superheroes don’t get tired. But older kids can understand what it means to feel drained. No matter your kids’ ages, being honest with them creates a connection. Plus, it helps them develop empathy and awareness of others’ needs.
When mom fatigue causes you to lash out impatiently, you can fill your child’s tank by bringing her back in for a hug and an apology. “I should not have yelled. I had a bad day, and I took it out on you. I’m so sorry.” Don’t underestimate the power of admitting you’re human. Vulnerability, even with kids, builds trust and strengthens bonds, and it shows them how to open up and let in someone they love.
2. Get right to their hearts by speaking their love languages.
For several months, back when I was 9 years old, my mom drove to and from the hospital every day after work to see my grandparents, who’d been in a plane crash. She was completely drained when she got home each night, but my sister and I still needed her.
She was smart and knew my love language was physical touch. Instead of going out of her way to get me a treat on her way home, she knew I just needed her to sit with me and play with my hair for a minute or run her nails along my back.
Learn your child’s love language, and rest assured that whatever small gesture you can muster up will go a long way.
3. Make room for them by simplifying your days.
A friend of mine is an accountant, which means from January through April, she works more hours than a human should. She’s also a smart cookie because she and her husband agree on a set menu for all of tax season. Every Monday is breakfast for dinner. On Fridays, they have pizza. She said, “If I feel like switching it up, I can, but my brain doesn’t have to make that decision unless I have the energy to do it.”
One key to dealing with mom fatigue is deciding what matters less so you can make room for what matters most. When you’re in a season that’s draining you, ignore the dust on the dressers or re-wear the same jeans all week to minimize laundry. The energy you’re saving can be given to your kids through a quiet conversation at bedtime or two spoons in a bowl of ice cream.
4. Be your child’s less-than-perfect playmate.
You promised your daughter you’d have a tea party, but you don’t have it in you to get the tea set out or bake the madeleine cookies she loves. You should probably just postpone until you can make it the perfect mommy-daughter date. No! Get out two mismatched coffee mugs, put some jelly on some mini toast, and put those pinkies up!
Perfect is the enemy of good. Remember that when you think what you have to give isn’t enough. You are enough even when you’re not your best. Your kids don’t need perfect; they just need you.
When have you felt mom fatigue the most?
