I stood under the hot water, dropped my chin, and closed my eyes—until someone flushed the toilet and the water went ice cold! Aghhh! I jumped out of the spray and chattered, having an internal debate about which child I think did it.
Thus is motherhood. Right when you think things are going well, you get a dose of cold water thrown on you. But a mentally strong mom doesn’t give up. We may not feel tough and strong all the time (ha!), but we can build it up so when we’re thrown for a loop, we can get back into the game quicker. Do you want to know how to be a better mom? Developing more mental toughness is where to start. Here are 5 ways to become a mentally strong mom so you can be the best version of yourself.
1. Empower yourself.
We tell our kids, “Don’t call names.” So why do we put ourselves down when we mess up? Instead of muttering, “I’m such an idiot,” why not give yourself grace? We’re human and it happens. Insulting ourselves when we mess up isn’t healthy, and usually, it’s nowhere near accurate.
To be a better mom and mentally strong in trying times, revise your default phrases. When you’re stressed or challenged, try these instead: I’ll rise above this. I won’t let this bother me. I’m human. I’m gonna do the best I can.
2. Be content with who you are.
When I dropped off my daughter at practice, I saw a mom dressed in sleek leather pants, a bomber jacket, and shiny straight hair. No frizz. No sweats. You get the idea. As I looked at my tired eyes in the rearview mirror, I thought to myself, Why can’t I get it together like her?
Comparing ourselves to others in person or on Instagram steals our joy. Self-worth is built on contentment with who you are. If you want to be a better mom, start with identifying your own wonderful qualities instead of comparing yourself to others. Are you a good listener? Are you crafty and creative? Are you the best at making your kids laugh?
Download our free printable 7 Quick Prayers of Encouragement for Moms. It might be helpful on tough days!
3. Let your mind wander.
In the car, my daughter (who usually has a book in her hands), stared blankly out the window. “What’re you doing?” I asked. “Just thinking,” she said. Authors William Stixrud, PhD, and Ned Johnson say that letting your mind wander is “crucial for developing a sense of self.” When we spend quiet time with our own thoughts, we are building mental strength.
Instead of scrolling your phone when you have downtime, try turning inward. Think about your experiences and look for solutions to your problems. Building mental strength takes effort. Sometimes that means facing the hard or challenging thoughts we’d rather choose to avoid. But the payoff comes with being a more thoughtful mom.
4. Be on the lookout for progress.
My friend Allie told me recently about her frustration getting her 3-year-old to eat (and not throw) veggies. But Allie’s pretty down to earth. “I know it’s what little kids do,” she said. “But if we can just get through one meal without green beans on the floor, I’ll be happy.” She’s looking for progress over perfection, and it speaks to her strength as a mom.
In this moment in your life, you may feel frustrated with your child. But instead of holding her to standards you’ve read about or seen in your friend’s child, shift your focus to small, measurable goals. You’ll not only be a better mom, but you’ll build mental strength because you’re feeling hopeful rather than defeated.
5. Lay your head down more.
Getting more sleep will help you be mentally strong on those days when your kid refuses to get dressed or your teenager blames you for not waking him up for school. When you’re sleep deprived, you’re much more likely to lose your cool. Stixrud and Johnson say, “[S]leep deprivation decreases your flexibility, weakens your ability to see things in context, and impairs your judgment.” Getting a good night’s sleep can help deliver the patience we need in a heated moment.
Wanting to know how to be a better mom is a sign that you are a good mom. What do you plan to try that you haven’t already done?
