I hid from my kids in the bathroom when they were little, and not because we were playing hide and seek. I snuck away to pray, which basically meant I sat down and whispered “help me.” I craved a minute alone—a few seconds when no one asked me random questions, required a snack or a diaper change, or touched me. With two kids under 3, the weight of mom stress felt overwhelming, and that brief pause helped me refocus and regroup.
You get it, right? This heaviness of mom stress? (Dads get it, too.) It never quite goes away, even as our children grow up. And hiding in a bathroom isn’t always feasible. So, the next time you find yourself breaking under the burden of mom stress, try shifting the weight by focusing on one of these 5 areas instead.
1. Focus on your breathing.
Many moms stress about not having enough hours in the day to get it all done. Our weekly to-do lists could form a bridge to the moon and back, which coincidentally is just how much we love our kids. So, do you want some good news? Focusing on your breathing doesn’t add a single thing to that list! In fact, you don’t even need to think about breathing because your body handles it automatically.
But, when mom stress causes you to feel out of control, try controlling your breathing by using a technique proven to release stress. It’s called “box breathing.” Here’s how it works: Breathe in for 4 seconds. Hold your breath for 4 seconds. Breathe out for 4 seconds. Hold for 4 seconds. Repeat four times.
2. Focus on your inner critic.
I don’t know about you, but that little voice inside my head increases in volume whenever my stress increases. And my inner critic isn’t encouraging at all. In fact, I don’t think she likes me. The distorted things she says are things I would never say to anyone else. Her judgments leave me feeling worse.
What does your inner critic say? Or, better yet, how do you respond to her? Have you ever considered that voice a hurting part of yourself? Some women give their inner critic a name in a step toward quieting that mean girl. What if you spoke back to her as if she were a friend? What gentle words would you say to heal her pain? For example: “Forgetting to pick up cupcakes for the class doesn’t make someone a bad mom. That’s a lie. You aren’t a failure. Your son knows how much you love him.”
3. Focus on what brings you comfort.
A quick prayer in the bathroom brought me comfort during the preschool years. Now, with teenagers, comfort looks more like wrapping up in a cozy blanket and listening to a jazz playlist while I wait for our daughters to make curfew.
Find what works best for you in your current situation. Maybe it’s going for a walk, writing in a journal, or hanging out with a friend. Focus on moments of comfort in your day-to-day. Putting off stress relief until a scheduled vacation doesn’t bode well for your body. Prolonged seasons of stress increase health issues, strain relationships, and steal your happiness.
4. Focus on forgiving yourself.
You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to yell when you wish you didn’t. You’re going to say the wrong thing to your moody teenager. You’re going to run late to pick up your kid from school, practice, his dad’s house, or one of the thousands of other places kids wait for moms to pick them up. And you’re going to hurt your kid’s feelings—maybe all in one day.
Mistakes don’t make you a bad mom. They make you human. The only one who expects you to be perfect is you. According to a Today Show survey, 75 percent of moms say that their own internal pressure to be perfect brings them the most stress. But, when you mess up, it gives you the chance to model for your kids how to ask for and receive forgiveness. It also opens the door for you to practice forgiving yourself. Carrying around the guilt and shame of a mistake piles on more mom stress. Show yourself grace. Forgive yourself and move on.
5. Focus on what you can control.
Try as we might, we can’t control everything and everyone, including our kids. Ask any mom of a toddler erupting like Mount Vesuvius in the grocery store. But, chances are you already know that. Yet, sometimes our mom stress flares up when we try—and fail—to control people, situations, or circumstances outside of our control.
While mom stress can trick you into believing everything is out of control, focusing on what you can control lowers those stress hormones swirling around. You can control your words, your response, and your attitude. You can also control what you choose to take on as your responsibility.
How do you best deal with your mom stress?
