I’m a writer. So, you’d think I’d offer perfectly crafted words to my kids. You know, “momisms” they would use to define and guide their lives. Those sayings they’d hang on walls, repeat to their future kids, and even relay to strangers on park benches just like Forrest Gump with his box of chocolates. Unfortunately, my professional credentials mean squat on most days as a mom. So, as I apparently always say, “It is what it is.”
But, Mom, none of us comes equipped with an Oscar-winning screenwriter to feed us lines. It’s why we find ourselves repeating some of the same things to our kids generation after generation. We just can’t help ourselves nor can we take ourselves too seriously. Take a look at these 23 momisms and see how easy it is to laugh at the things that come out of our mouths sometimes.
Our Obsession With Farm Life
- “Hold your horses.” – Since most kids aren’t around horses, maybe it’s time to update this one to “Hold your Labradoodles.”
- “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” – Horses eat grass. When we repeat this momism, do our kids think about the Trojan horse or the pony they rode at the fair?
- “Shut the door. We don’t live in a barn.” – Fun fact: Barn doors are actually generally kept shut.
- “You have enough dirt behind those ears to grow potatoes.” – Moms, let’s be honest. How many of us really know how much dirt it takes to grow potatoes?
- “If it were a snake, it would have bitten you.” – Probably. But, snakes tend to blend into their environment, so we shouldn’t be surprised that our kids’ notebook blends into their messy rooms.
Our Love of Math
- “I’m going to count to three.” – Kids know it’s serious when moms start to count out loud. But, our threats diminish when we throw in fractions: “1, 2, 2 and a half, 2 and three quarters…” (Psst. Try this instead.)
- “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times.” – We have, in fact, told them a thousand times, and we will tell them a thousand more. That’s kid math.
Our Go-to Momisms for Back Talk
(By the way, here are some wiser responses to back talk.)
- “Because I said so.” – This is possibly the original momism and also a red flag that the discussion better be over or else.
- “Because I’m the mom” or “Because I’m your mother, that’s why.” – Also known as The Mom Flex, this momism is the equivalent of a famous person boastfully exclaiming to the maître d’, “Do you know who I am?”
- “Because it’s my house.” – For when we don’t have all day, this SparkNotes version of the “it’s my house, my rules” momism comes in handy. See #18 for a refresher course.
- “Because I asked you to.” – No one expertly wields the subtlety of a guilt trip quite like us. For a 2.0 version, pair it with the #9 momism.
Our Don’t Evens
- “Don’t make me come in there.” – Please don’t. We haven’t sat down all day.
- “Don’t make me call your dad.” – Or your teacher, coach, etc. Basically, don’t make us tag out like a WWE wrestler. It won’t end well.
- “Don’t make me pull over this car.” – Has a mom ever actually pulled the car over? Dads, probably (and they might tell a dad joke when they do). Moms? Less likely. We’ve got too much stuff to get done.
- “Don’t make me repeat myself.” – We will. A thousand times. See #7.
- “Don’t do anything stupid.” – Pro Mom Tip: Define “stupid” for your kids. It’s a guarantee that their definition will differ from yours.
- “Don’t come crying to me if you get hurt.” – They will. And we will tend to their wounds. Every time.
Our Future for Our Kids
- “My house, my rules. When you get your own house, you can make your own rules.” – Want to cut the conversation short? See #10.
- “Be careful what you wish for; it might come true.” – Why does this take on an ominous tone when we say this momism? What if our kids wish for world peace? Or better yet, what if they wish they could make dinner for us every night?
Our Moms Said These So We Can’t Stop Ourselves
- “If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?” – In the history of time, has any child ever said yes?
- “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” – Money doesn’t grow on Venmo either. Kids need to know that. Can we all agree to update this momism?
- “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” – Classic mom mic drop.
- “I’m not interested in who started it.” – Even if we were, in fact, interested, we’re tired and just don’t have the energy for a drama-filled kid-said-other-kid-said discussion. Just stop it because we said so.
A Final Word About Our Words
If my own mom told me these momisms once, she told them to me a thousand times. And, as a child, I can remember thinking, When I’m a mom, I won’t say these things to my own kids. You probably thought the same thing! And, yet, sometimes these momisms slip out of our mouths. We aren’t perfect. Even Forrest Gump’s mom confessed that “she did the best she could.”
So, can all of us make a pinky promise to offer ourselves grace and forgiveness when our words sound a little harsh and sarcastic, or are anything less than overflowing with love and kindness toward our children? I’m going to count to three until we all agree. And, please, don’t make me ask again.
What momism do you find yourself saying a lot? And, where do you stand on the pinky promise?
