I got in so much trouble. It was the night before the ACT. I needed to do well on this test because my SAT score was just OK. I prepped my No. 2 pencils and opened my 1996–1997 At-A-Glance day planner. I didn’t see anything in the block for Saturday. I grabbed my registration letter and noticed the test had been the Saturday before.
I read that letter and checked the date five times before confessing my mistake to my parents. I got one of those lectures that included the phrases “burning the candle at both ends” and “don’t have your priorities straight.” I wonder if they regretted not helping me stay on top of things. I doubt it because, in their wisdom, they probably knew they were preparing me for bigger things. You’re doing that too, you know—preparing while parenting a teen. This school year, help your teen grow by committing to avoiding these 5 things. (Laundry isn’t one of them. That goes without saying.)
1. Paying for Gas
I still remember coasting into the gas station on fumes and digging in the cup holder with my sister for any extra change we could find. Gas was only 89 cents per gallon, but we still struggled to pull it together.
Having a car isn’t a necessity, so making your teen pay for gas is a great way to teach needs versus wants and money management. Cars aren’t the only teaching tool in this category. If you’re paying for manicures or phone bills, your child should be chipping in, even if it’s just $10 a month.
2. Waking Her Up Every Day
If you’re parenting a teen, this is probably not your favorite part of the day anyway. My dad used to come in and just throw the covers on the floor. I finally started using an alarm clock and I think it improved our relationship. It also made me responsible for getting to school on time.
This is a small way to pass the baton of control over to your child to prepare her for the day when you won’t walk in and yell “rise and shine!”
3. Fighting His Battles With Teachers
My 10-year-old son had a D in language arts on his progress report. I was confused and so was he. I told him he needed to ask his teacher about it and we practiced what he would say. The next morning, he admitted he was nervous. The good news: he had a productive conversation. The bad news: the D was legit.
If you’re parenting a teen, you should still be involved in his schooling, but letting him confront teachers will show him how to disagree respectfully, advocate for himself, and not avoid conflict.
4. Paperwork
No two forms are the same and your teen will learn different things about the world and how it works when you put her in charge of filling out paperwork. So take the next permission slip, job application, or medical intake form at the walk-in clinic, slide it her way, and hand her the pen.
5. Making Purchases
I have a very vivid memory of the mom of one of my classmates standing in line to buy his ticket to prom. I didn’t understand why her son was sitting over by his buddies eating cafeteria pizza while she stood with her $50 in hand. Was she coming to prom?
I understand if you front your kid some money to make purchases like tickets to a dance, a class ring, or a new pair of shoes. But step back and let your kid make the transaction.
But keep on…
Just because you’re parenting a teen doesn’t mean you should be hands-off. Keep checking in. Protect your dinnertime. Make room for one-on-one time. While you’re letting go of some things, be sure to hold tight to others.
What are you not doing for your teen anymore in order to help him or her grow?
