Had I not been eavesdropping on a conversation taking place behind me on the uncomfortable gymnasium bleachers, I wouldn’t have known about the National Junior Honor Society invitations the school had sent home. I suspected that my seventh grader had one folded up somewhere in her backpack, but I also had a hunch she wasn’t going to bring it to my attention. She confirmed my hunch when I brought it up.
My daughter didn’t want to apply to the honor society. She didn’t want to fill out the application or commit to something she knew very little about. When I told her it was an honor to be invited, and applying wasn’t optional, she rolled her eyes, sighed, and said, “This is optional. None of my friends’ parents are making them do it.” Even though I work very hard not to say “because I said so,” sometimes I have to play the mom card. And there are 5 times it’s OK to use the mom card without hesitation.
When Their Health Depends on It
I’m a marathon runner, and I daydream about one of my kids lacing up running shoes to go for a run with me. Fourteen years in and that’s still just a daydream. As much as I wish the mom card could work for this, I know that’s a bit of a stretch—but encouraging and nurturing other ways for our kids to be active and healthy is not. Brushing teeth, getting a full night’s sleep, and eating balanced meals are also non-negotiables.
When Their Reputation Depends on It
My daughter had a vision of wearing a formal dress on her first day of middle school—picture a poofy, floor-length, shimmering purple gown. I generally encourage self-expression, but this felt like a case of “mom knows best.” I never told her she couldn’t wear the gown, but I disguised the mom card by taking her shopping for something a little less prom and a little more sixth grade. Protecting their reputations could also look like having a sense of the right or wrong crowd for your kids or subtly orchestrating their extracurriculars.
When Their Future Depends on It
My niece and nephews started a Spanish immersion program in kindergarten. At some point between kindergarten and high school, they all wanted to move over to a traditional school. My sister-in-law, a teacher at the school, didn’t hesitate to play the mom card because she was confident of all the benefits Spanish fluency would have on their futures. It’s important for our kids to have input regarding their futures, but we can certainly help provide a framework.
When Their Character Depends on It
When my second grader came home from school waving a $20 bill in the air, I knew the mom card was probably going to burst his beaming bubble. He excitedly told me that one of his friends paid him for a comic book—that he had drawn. Perhaps an “Isaac original” will be worth big bucks one day, but I shattered his entrepreneurial dreams and made him return the $20. The same character development would take place if I knew my kids took something that didn’t belong to them, hurt someone’s feelings, or behaved in a way that was inconsistent with the traits we are instilling at home.
When Their Safety Depends on It
The only thing that keeps my kids from jumping from the trampoline, over the pool fence, and into the pool is the mom card. They’ve attempted to explain all the ways they could do it “safely,” and I think my husband is on the jump-from-trampoline-to-pool team, but I’m holding my ground on this one. Most moms have a sixth sense about safety, so don’t mess with mama bear on this one.
I’m still learning the balance of when to allow my kids to make mistakes and use their own voice and when to flex the mom card because wisdom, experience, and the ability to see the big picture make it part of my job. How about you?
How often do you play the mom card? What’s your most effective way of doing it?
