“In the spirit of being honest about parenthood, I’ll confess that my son ate a thrown-up cat treat today and I didn’t even budge to get it out of his mouth.” That post from 2014 came up in my Facebook memories and I laughed again, scrolling through all the comments from friends saying things like, “My daughter drinks out of the dog’s bowl,” and “He’s going to have a great immune system.” It felt good to know that what I considered a mom fail was not so uncommon and maybe not so bad.
Some of our mess-ups feel way bigger than eating pet food—even regurgitated pet food. So we heap criticism on ourselves, saying that we are failing, our kids deserve better, and other moms would never screw up like this. But what if I told you some of those big fails all of us commit could actually turn out to be wins? Here are 10 mom fails to look at differently.
1. Not Securing Them to the Table/Stroller/Swing
Every mother has had at least one child tip over or fall out of some apparatus because she didn’t use the strap. My parents still tell the story of me rolling off the changing table.
You just got a crash course in “Kid Durability 101.” A bump or bruise is a gentle reminder that kids aren’t as fragile as we think they are. File this nugget away so you can breathe more easily as they get bigger and start taking more risks. (See point #2.)
2. Failing to Protect Them From Doing That Risky Thing and Getting Hurt
Sometimes huge wins happen when parents aren’t looking. Look at Kevin McAllister! He protected his mansion from the Wet Bandits after being left home alone. But in your case, when you walked away and your daughter fell off the monkey bars, that felt like a huge mom fail.
It takes courage to allow our kids to do dangerous things carefully. Psychologist Jordan Peterson has a great question for parents to ask themselves about being overprotective: “Am I taking care of my child or am I just afraid of being afraid for them?” If you let your child take risks, you’re showing courage, not carelessness.
3. Going Through Car Line Without a Bra and Having to Talk to a Teacher
Because every mom should be in pearls and full makeup and have perfect hair during car line or the teacher will think your child is in an unsafe home. (Where’s that sarcasm font?)
You’re in car line for your kids, not to impress the faculty, so fold your arms across your chest and have that chat. It shows the teacher you care more about your child than your image.
4. Forgetting to Brush Teeth
Anyone else ever gotten to church, school, or the dinner table and realized the kids haven’t brushed their teeth yet?
Don’t freak. Missing once is not going to make your kids’ teeth fall out, and you conserved toothpaste today!
5. Saying a Bad Word in Front of Them
Early one morning, I walked into my son’s quiet, dark room to wake him up for school. He was crouched down on the floor hiding. When he jumped out at me, a four-letter word slipped out of my mouth. His eyes got wide and he started giggling. Oops.
When we say bad words or even mean things, like gossip, and our kids overhear, we can take the opportunity to show humility. I told my son, “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m going to work on my language. And by the way, that wasn’t cool.”
6. Missing a Birthday
A friend of mine missed her son’s golden birthday (when he turned nine on the ninth) for a marathon in another state. He’s 11 and reminds her of this as often as possible.
Missed the big day? You’ve just created a reason to have a second birthday celebration! More importantly, you’ve taught your child to be flexible and that the occasional disappointment isn’t the end of the world.
7. Sending a Bad Lunch
We’ve all looked at a handful of goldfish, some baby carrots, and a cheddar cheese stick and wondered if packing an entirely orange lunch is acceptable.
You’ve hit three food groups and come up with a new themed lunch. What will tomorrow’s color be?
8. Spending an Entire Day in Your Pajamas
We’ve all done it—let our kids (and ourselves) stay in our PJs so long that we ask, “Is it really worth it to change now?” In a world where productivity equals value, these days can lead to feelings of serious guilt.
But you showed your kids that you have the ability to slow down and act like a sloth. They see that you’re not superhuman and you don’t expect them to be either.
9. Losing Your Patience and Yelling Over Something Silly
My son and I baked together and I nearly lost my mind when he dumped flour all over the floor. Huge mom fail. So much for bonding time!
When we overreact, it’s an opportunity to model a good apology and grow in patience. I’ve had many, many of these opportunities.
10. Serving Cereal for Dinner (Again)
This mom fail is even worse when you have a fridge full of groceries, but you can’t muster up the energy to cook. Although, one could argue that Cinnamon Toast Crunch is basically tiny pieces of toast with “spices” on it. When you add the milk, it’s practically a square meal.
You’ve just taught your kids that sometimes scrounging for dinner is just fine. Did you still gather around the table? Did you talk and laugh and pray? Cereal for dinner with people you love is far superior to a gourmet meal for one.
Time to reframe! What mom fail are you looking at differently now?
