Have you ever met someone who’s been dealt a tough hand, but you’d never know it? I have a friend who was a single parent for years after her husband left her and their two children, who both had special needs. She remarried a guy who struggled with some of his own issues, and eventually, he left, too. She’s kept her head up through all of it and taught me so much about resilience and faith.
Maybe you’ve been through a trial like my friend and felt like it’s impossible to overcome your past. There are too many things stacked against you or the pain you’ve experienced is too deep. It’s not easy, but it is possible to pull yourself up and build a life filled with joy, growth, and love. Here are 10 ways to overcome a painful past and give your family a bright future.
1. Talk about the hurt with someone you trust.
Be honest with your friend and yourself. There is powerful medicine in sharing the load. Acknowledging hurt does not mean the people who have hurt you win. It only means you’re willing to admit you’re human and you’ve been wounded.
2. Don’t evaluate yourself in terms of your past.
3. Make a commitment to learn from what you’ve been through.
That doesn’t mean you have to dwell on the past, but think about your pain this way: You’ve experienced a valuable lesson, a crash course in life. Why would you ignore what you’ve learned when it can keep you from making the same mistake again or allow you to help someone else in a tough spot?
4. Live in the truth of the present.
If you’re focused on the darkness from your past, it’s hard to see the light shining on your present. One way to overcome pain from your past is to look around and observe the good in your life today. Did you wake up without pain in your body? Are you relieved that the conversation with your ex-husband went smoothly? Did your kids give you a big hug when you picked them up from aftercare? Focus on that.
5. Work tirelessly to provide your family with a life that will never become a hurtful past.
Use the memory of your hurt as motivation to protect your family today. Were you hurt by unfaithfulness? Be faithful now. Did you grow up in an abusive home? Saturate yours with love. Did you live in fear? Provide security to your family today.
6. Get involved in efforts to help others heal.
Reach out to people who also have experienced hurt. Be generous and loving. Open your heart.
7. Go to therapy.
The direction of a good therapist can be life-changing. Many of us spend money on things that bring us and our kids happiness, like video games, sports, or theme park tickets. Those are all wonderful! But investing in your mental health is a gift that will alter your family’s future. If money is what’s holding you back from going to therapy, do what you can to make room in your budget. It’s worth every penny.
8. Learn how to pray.
Sometimes the wound from a painful past is a hole that nothing seems to fill—not alcohol, pain pills, sex, a friendship, success at work, a spouse. Yet so many of us reach desperately for those things to make the pain go away. Praying can feel pointless. Where has God been all this time you’ve been hurting? Try reaching out and being honest with God. Listen to what He says. This list of Bible verses of comfort for the suffering can give you words if you’re struggling to find them on your own.
9. Count your blessings.
You don’t want to silence the hurt because ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. But try turning up the volume on your blessings. Focus on them throughout the day, and write them down so you can look back when you need a reminder of what is going right.
10. Be like the bionic woman—stronger in the broken places.
Sometimes, after a wound heals or a broken bone has been set in place, the human body is actually stronger than before. This doesn’t happen by magic, or by chance, but in response to acknowledging the hurt, allowing others to care for us, believing we are healed and stronger than before, and living without bitterness. You’re being remade every day!
What from your past is affecting your life in the present? What do you need to do to overcome it?
