“When can we ride one of these?” my daughter asked, laptop open as she showed me the top 10 fastest rollercoasters in the world. At age 12, she’d fallen in love with speed. But she didn’t get this interest from me. No, in my life, I have my own daily rollercoaster: parenting. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets thrown for a loop on the reg. With kids growing and changing almost monthly, it’s rarely a smooth ride. Yet, I think you’ll agree that as moms, we keep getting back in line, so to speak, to do the best we can.
Despite the stomach-lurching drops of our kids’ childhood, we can try to be a steadying force. Committing to these 5 parenting goals may not eliminate the bumps but might make it easier to enjoy the beautiful view.
1. Praise the process more and the result less.
Last summer, my daughter played fastpitch softball. She struck out many, many times. But then, toward the end of the season, something happened. On one particular at-bat, she hit foul after foul and her teammates on the bench went crazy, cheering for her. She ended up grounding out to first, but she had the biggest smile. Afterward, players from both teams congratulated her on a “great game.” The kindness of those players who praised the process touched my heart and taught me something as a parent.
I needed to focus less on the result and more on the process. No matter what the struggle is, let’s try looking at the little improvements another way: as big growth. If we can praise the process, our kids are more likely to develop perseverance, courage, and maybe even enjoy the journey.
2. Give more affirmations of your child’s character.
My son doesn’t love sports. On the playground, he’d stick to the play structure while other boys played soccer or basketball. It made it hard to make friends. And yet, he was kind to his sister and relied on his faith when things got tough. Instead of focusing on what he wasn’t, I tried to shift gears to the great things he was.
I haven’t always been good at it, but my parenting goals this year include shifting my focus to my kids’ character. My son works hard. My daughter is generous. Affirming these characteristics will build their self-worth and shape who they become as young adults. What great qualities do you see in your children?
3. Be consistent with discipline and chores.
As an elementary school mom, I had a hard time with consistency. My kids would apologize, and I’d forget the punishment! But it’s easier if you can keep your parenting goals in mind. My kids are now teens, and though it’s not a cake walk, I’m improving. I’m also renewing my intention with chores. Changing my delivery has helped. I used to say, “Can you please empty the dishwasher?” Now I’ll tell them, “You need to empty the dishwasher.” Would changing your delivery help with cooperation in your home?
4. Lower your voice more.
Setting a parenting goal for yourself is the first step. You’re acknowledging the need for change. Making the change then takes diligence and effort. None of us is perfect and there are bound to be times when the kids push us too hard. But the longer we hold out before blowing up, the better we get. Lowering our voices more and not yelling is a form of self-control. Mastering this can make us great examples to our kids.
5. Criticize less and prioritize the relationship more.
“What’s more important? Your relationship with your son or his handwriting?” my husband asked. He’d pulled me into the hall after he sensed I’d gotten too worked up. “My relationship,” I said, grateful for the reminder.
Working together as a team, we’re trying to prioritize what’s most important. By turning your focus away from criticism, you’re building up your relationship and your child. As Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD. says in her book Kid Confidence, “Our connection with our kids is the foundation for real self-esteem.” In 10 or 20 years, we want our kids to enjoy visiting and spending time with us—not look at our home as a place where they felt picked apart.
To help your kids with goal setting this year, download our free Brilliant Goals for Kids Chart!
What other parenting goals do you have?
