“Thanks. Those are nice,” my future husband said as he set the new cowboy boots on the floor. We’d been dating for about a year. It was my first Christmas with his family. I’d been so excited to give him a gift I knew he wanted but would never buy for himself. I expected some sort of emotional reaction. That emotion never came. He just sat back and continued watching his family open gifts.
I was a little hurt, wondering if he actually liked the boots. It was hard for me to enjoy the rest of the day with his family because his reaction didn’t meet my expectations. Many moms have had days ruined just like I did because of unmet expectations. But you don’t have to. If you want to know how to let go of your expectations so they don’t ruin the moment, here are 3 helpful ideas.
1. Understand your audience.
My husband is a low-key guy. I’ll be disappointed if I wait for him to jump up and down with excitement, burst with enthusiasm, or shed tears of joy. Instead, I’ve learned that he shows his appreciation in other ways, like taking a gift out of the box to examine it or immediately putting it to use. He put those boots on while we were still cleaning up wrapping paper. He loved them!
People may not show you the reaction you imagined. That doesn’t mean they’re not appreciative or excited. Making an effort to recognize the unique way others express themselves can help you appreciate them and, in turn, not be disappointed.
2. Hold your vision loosely.
My cousin loves amusement parks, especially roller coasters. She purchased season passes to the local amusement park for her son when he was still in a stroller. He grew up enjoying the kiddie rides, the characters, and the food. My cousin measured him every summer and counted the seasons until he was tall enough to join her on her favorite roller coaster. She imagined them whipping around the track, being flung upside down, laughing together, and running to get back in line for the next ride.
He hated it. Plagued with motion sickness, he refused to ride any roller coasters again that day or ever since. Plus, he was terrified. My cousin was disappointed she couldn’t share her favorite hobby with her son after years of dreaming about a nationwide roller-coaster tour with him. But her disappointment turned to surprise when he still wanted to visit the amusement park. They could enjoy the other rides, the shows, the characters, and devouring junk food together, and he would just hold her bag while she rode the roller coasters. My cousin was overjoyed that she could still share her love of amusement parks with her son.
By letting go of our expectations and learning to be flexible, we often can find something equally fulfilling that we never saw before.
3. Find joy in the moment.
My family’s Mother’s Day tradition is cooking breakfast for me. In years past, my kids have had significant help from my husband. This year, they informed him that they could handle it themselves. I naively expected them to cook together harmoniously and serve me a delicious meal. Expectations and reality differed when the kids started bickering at 7 in the morning and a small fire started in the oven. That morning, my kitchen was a disaster, but I ignored the mess and found joy in my kids’ excitement in doing something sweet for me.
Finding joy in the moment often means intentionally looking for little things that bring us joy. Even when the big picture is disappointing or just not what we imagined, we can look for the little things. Instead of dwelling on the six months it took your husband to hang a shelf in the bathroom, you find joy in how perfectly it fit your space. Your child pitches a fit in church despite your expectations he’ll sit still for once, but you find joy in worshiping together as a family. Once you start to find joy in the little things, you begin to realize that those little things are all around you.
Check out this episode of the iMOM Podcast. Susan, Abby, Megan, and Chloe go deeper on the topic of moms letting themselves get disappointed when reality doesn’t meet expectations.
How do you keep your expectations realistic?
