“You read with all three kids for 20 minutes every night?” I asked with a look of disbelief on my face.
My friend Jennifer replied meekly, “Um, yeah.”
I investigated further, “All three kids separately? Every night?”
She nodded. I did the math and asked the obvious, “So, for like an hour?”
I was impressed by what a great mom she is and added “read more” to the mental list of things I needed to do better. Do you have a list like that, too? I’m a fan of lists, but this kind isn’t very productive. So let’s rework them and focus on these 5 things every great mom should be instead.
1. Be around.
In relationships, proximity matters. If you’ve worked remotely and rarely see your coworkers, you know this firsthand. None of us are parenting via Zoom, but we can still spread ourselves so thin that we don’t get enough face time with our children.
In parenting, both quality and quantity of time matter. That’s because quantity begets quality. Be around for simple things like dinner, a conversation after a game, or a trip to pick out shoes for homecoming.
2. Be curious.
It’s impossible to be curious and judgmental at the same time. When we judge, we look from our own perspectives, but when we are curious, we consider how our kids might be experiencing a situation. They need us to wonder what makes them who they are and why they behave the way they do.
Listen to your child with a posture of asking, seeking, and knocking instead of knowing, assuming, and defending. You might not always walk away with clear answers, but choosing curiosity over judgment will always lead to a more loving and compassionate relationship.
3. Be empathetic.
“What could someone have done for your parents that would’ve made a difference to you as a child?” In a survey conducted by Orange, a non-profit that helps connect church leaders and parents, adults were asked that question. One respondent said, “I wish someone had taught my parents how to be more empathetic.” A lack of empathy from his parents stuck with that man into adulthood.
A great mom observes her children with fascination (and curiosity!), asking, “What do I have to learn?” and “What makes you feel that way?” Even when they’re closed off, kids desperately want to be understood by their parents.
4. Be ready for anything.
My mom always said, “There’s nothing you could ever do to make me love you less.” I repeat that to my children not only for their ears but for my own. It’s a gentle reminder that my kids will make dumb choices and maybe disappoint me. But I can brace myself and prepare for those moments by openly communicating with them, praying for our family, and proving through my actions that I won’t flip my lid if they come to me with a confession.
5. Be confident (in them and in yourself).
My mother-in-law is the woman you want in your corner. She’s a great mom and the world’s best encourager. My husband and his siblings didn’t accomplish every single thing they set out to do, but that’s life. Their mom’s confidence in their abilities and character helped them get back up and try again. Every child needs someone who believes in him or her. Let that be you.
And a mom who has confidence in herself welcomes questions from her children and knows the things she values are worth instilling in them. There’s no blame, shame, or avoidance because she’s confident she’s equipped with what she needs to love her children well.
What can you do to help yourself grow in confidence in yourself and your children?
