I should whip up something tasty for dinner tonight, but honestly, I’m too tired. So, it’s gonna be Scrounge Night—again. I’d spent the afternoon shlepping the kids to activities and then overseeing homework. Now, I just wanted to collapse on the couch. You know that feeling, right?
We think to be good moms, we have to keep our kids learning and doing all day long. But that’s hard and perhaps a little unhealthy for everyone. What about trying a different approach? A simpler one that still gets your kids what they need—and maybe more—without all the stress. Here are 5 ways to help you slow down and simplify parenting in your home.
1. Let go of “shoulds” and “supposed tos.”
After I had my first baby, someone gave me a parenting book and suggested I get the baby on a sleeping and eating schedule. Apparently, this was what I “should” do. But my baby had trouble nursing, and I didn’t mind when he eventually fell asleep on my chest. I threw the book in the recycle bin. Now, my son’s a teenager, and while he likes to come home from school and get his homework done right away, that strategy isn’t for everyone—including my daughter! And that’s fine.
Many of us are led to believe we’re “supposed to” do things a certain way in parenting. But parenting coach Albiona Rakipi suggests that instead, we “stay open and lean into new ideas and possibilities.” If you want to simplify parenting, stop listening to everyone else and trust your instincts.
2. Know there’s not one way to be a good mom.
My friend is super involved in our kids’ school because she likes to have a pulse on what’s happening. I, on the other hand, used to go to all the PTA meetings, but after a while, found I didn’t enjoy them very much. So, I quit.
To simplify parenting, don’t feel like you have to do every field trip, check every homework assignment, or fix every meal from scratch. All kids are unique, and you need to find what works for your child. You’re the perfect person to do it. Be present, be there for your kids, and give them empathy. Be the mom your child needs.
3. Forget about providing all the answers.
“Did you try to solve the problem first on your own?” I asked my child. I’m trying to let my kids struggle a little because I want them to learn how to persist. But it’s also building their confidence when they finally solve a problem on their own.
Instead of stepping in to help right away, have restraint, says Rakipi. Put the question back on them. Your kids might balk the first few times, but you’re helping them become more “self-reliant and independent.” And some day, they’ll appreciate that.
4. Cut back. Keep a schedule that doesn’t leave you worn out.
It’s not a bad idea to have activities on the calendar and things to look forward to. If you like staying busy, great! But if you want to simplify parenting and perhaps have more time to spend with your family without having to be somewhere on time, consider cutting back. Downtime is important for the kids and you as well. It fosters creativity and allows everyone to pursue their interests outside of school and work. Downtime with your husband is also good for your marriage.
Keep what really matters and get rid of the rest. Pray for discernment to see what is most important for your kids and you.
5. Train, and then trust the kids to do more.
I have one child who drags her feet when I ask her to do something like empty the dishwasher. But I’m reminding myself not to give up and to stay consistent. Having my child help out more at home is teaching her to have “autonomy in handling tasks,” “accountability to meet a deadline,” “responsibility for contributing to the work of the household,” and “determination to get a job done well,” says author and former college dean Julie Lythcott-Haims. The benefits are huge—so I remind myself I must persist.
The older they get, the more kids should do for themselves and for the home. You’ll simplify parenting, but perhaps more importantly, you’ll teach them important skills that will serve them for life.
What tips do you have for other moms to simplify parenting?
