On my son’s tenth birthday, I stressed over a white tablecloth. A stain showed no matter how I folded and draped it over the table. My husband set down the five pizza boxes and said, “It’s good enough.” As much as I wanted to disagree, I didn’t have time or another option.
At the party, the games flopped, and the wind blew the balloons into a knot. It definitely wasn’t Pinterest-worthy, but when everyone left, my son hugged me and said, “Thanks for a great party.” It turns out good enough was actually great. Hmm. Have you heard of good enough parenting? It’s not how I’ve been operating, but I think I’m going to try embracing it more. Here are 4 times you can, too.
First, what’s “good enough parenting?”
To me, it’s a breath of fresh air. It’s a weight lifted off my shoulders. In a word, it’s grace. But there are more benefits than just that. In the 1950s, Dr. Donald Winnicott introduced the concept of the “good enough mother,” which says a mother’s failure to adapt to every need of her children helps them adapt to external realities. So being good enough is better for your child than being “perfect.” Are you already feeling a little lighter? Here’s how to put good enough parenting into action.
1. When You’re Giving Attention
I was on the last pages of a book, and all the storylines were coming together when my son came to me to tell me he’d pulled out another tooth. I smiled, congratulated him, and told him I’d help him as soon as I was done. He turned and went to the bathroom to rinse out his mouth.
If I’d been aiming for “perfection,” I would’ve put my book down, hugged him, and walked him to the bathroom while discussing what the tooth fairy might bring. While giving our kids attention is important, occasionally making them wait a few minutes is good too. In this case, it taught him patience and that the world doesn’t revolve around him.
2. When You’re Providing Emotional Support
Have you ever had a child throw a tantrum, and none of the options you offered seemed to work? On more than one occasion, I’ve walked away and said, “I’ve got nothin!” Moms wish we could always meet our kids’ emotional needs, but that’s not realistic, nor is it best for them.
A good enough mom tries to comfort, console, and discover what’s going on with her child’s emotions. Still, she accepts that her child has to learn that sadness, disappointment, and discomfort are normal and acceptable feelings. And sometimes, her child just has to work through it independently.
3. When You’re Making Meals
In an article, one of our iMOM writers “confessed” to serving her child chicken nuggets, and someone came for her hard in the comments. Ugh! This is why so many of us carry the burden of perfection—because someone trolls us and says nuggets equal neglect.
I’m convinced some of my best parenting moments include oven pizza. Frozen pizza night teaches my kids that life requires balance. You can’t put a square meal on the table every night or make cupcakes from scratch for every class party. Shortcuts are part of life, and your kids need permission to take one every now and then.
4. When You Discipline
There are so many theories on effective discipline that perfection in this area is a moving target. When I scroll Instagram and see reels showing gentle parenting, I think, “She’s so patient and thoughtful with how she disciplines.” I strive for a version of that, but I often find myself apologizing to my sons, saying, “I’m sorry for the way I lost my cool back there, guys.”
Life isn’t like TV shows where the rebellious child learns his lesson at minute 22 after a good talk at the foot of the bed. It’s messy, and some struggles last years. A good enough parent proves to her child that she’s not giving up on him, even when her strategy doesn’t work and he continues to disobey.
This is one of those topics where moms need to encourage each other. We talked it out on the iMOM Podcast in the episode, “Let’s Bring Back Good Enough Parenting.” Listen to the episode and subscribe to get new episodes every Monday.
What do you think about good enough parenting? What area do you need to practice it most?
