Several years ago, I let my daughter ride her bike to the Dollar Tree alone. I’m reluctant to share her age at the time because my friends reacted like I had allowed her to juggle knives while walking across a bed of hot coals—blindfolded. In reality, we’d practiced the ride together several times. The Dollar Tree was close to our house, and she had my husband’s cell phone to call us. When she returned home, she was beaming with more than just a sugar buzz from the treat she bought herself.
Was I a terrible mom? The backlash I got made me evaluate how I was parenting versus how I was parented. The unofficial manual keeps changing, and it’s easy to decide to err on the side of caution, but here are 3 pieces of mom advice to keep from letting your fears rule your parenting.
1. Reduce worst-case thinking.
The habit of jumping to worst-case scenario thinking is somewhat new in our society, but it’s becoming the standard narrative. While statistics prove that kidnappings are very rare, roller coasters are safe, and it’s improbable that your kids’ Halloween candy will be laced with drugs, many parents operate with the mentality that danger is around every corner—so avoid those things altogether.
It’s unlikely that the pendulum will swing back so far that we eliminate worst-case thinking, but reducing that as your first line of thought might give kids some breathing room to try new things and take new risks. If you’re holding your child back because of your fears, examine the root of those fears.
2. Don’t overhelp.
I crippled my middle child in the cooking and baking department. For some reason, I always stepped in and did it for him. I trusted my firstborn and equipped my youngest, but I overhelped my middle. While my youngest makes his own pancakes, eggs, and bacon, my middle still asks me to do it all for him.
Overhelping prevents opportunities for kids to build the skills they need to become independent. It ultimately produces immaturity, a lack of confidence, and buttering your tween’s pancakes.
3. Have faith in your kids.
Society almost forces us to become helicopter parents because the prevalent message is that we must constantly be in touch and supervise their every move. This sends the underlying message that we don’t trust our kids.
Look to see if a situation is safe, and then create opportunities to give your kids room to grow in independence. Let them stay home alone while you go for a walk in the neighborhood. Allow them to cook something without assistance. Trust their decisions about their personal preferences. Having faith in your kids builds their confidence and yours.
What mom advice about giving more freedom is the hardest for you to implement? Why?
