How many outfits do you wear in a day? Whatever number you say, I bet my 9-year-old son has you beat. He’ll swap out his shirt three times between getting home from school and going to bed. One afternoon, when he emerged from his room having once again changed, I said, “Guess what! You’ve earned the right to do a load of laundry all by yourself!”
Hours later, while my son was folding the clothes, my husband said, “I think this should be a permanent thing.” That was three weeks ago, and all I can say is I wish I’d started a year earlier. I heard the words of Esther Wojcicki, the woman who famously raised three wildly successful daughters—one became a doctor, another the CEO of YouTube, and the third the CEO of 23andMe—echoing in my mind: “Don’t do anything for your kids that they can do for themselves.” Here’s why her advice is something we should all put into place and 21 things children can do themselves.
Why We Should Stop Coddling Our Kids
Coddling feels like a harsh word, right? That conjures up an image of a mom tying her teenager’s shoelaces. But even if you’re not full-blown coddling, if you’re taking from your children the opportunity to do for themselves the things they are capable of, the end result won’t be too different. Forging the perfect obstacle-free path for our kids makes it difficult for them to manage their own behaviors and actions. And those things are key to becoming independent, successful adults.
How to Make This Work
When you look at the list below, keep in mind that age isn’t the best indicator of readiness to do these things. You know your child best and will need to tweak this list, especially if you have a child with special needs. But before you scan the list and say there’s no way your kids are ready to do this, consider how you could modify the task. Try doing it with them a few times. Start by letting them do just a portion of the task.
Most importantly, be ready to accept less than perfect results. I have to look away when my kids fold their laundry. I tried to teach them to do it the way I like, but they don’t have the dexterity or the desire, so I’m picking my battles. My husband did place an Amazon order for a folding board like he used when he worked retail. I’m giddy with excitement for it to arrive.
Toddlers and little kids can…
1. Wash and put away non-breakable dishes.
2. Put away their laundry.
3. Pick out an outfit.
4. Get dressed.
5. Brush their teeth (you’ll have to come behind and do an extra scrub, or you’ll definitely get a dirty look from the dentist).
Elementary age kids can do all that and…
6. Pack their lunches (our Healthy Meal Planning printable can help).
7. Tie their shoes.
8. Make their beds.
9. Approach their teachers with questions about grades or classmate conflicts.
10. Make simple meals like a turkey sandwich or Eggo waffles in the toaster.
11. Do their own laundry.
12. Check their homework.
13. Get their school supplies ready for the next day.
14. Pay at the checkout.
This was a fun one for us recently. I stood outside a dollar store as my sons went in with their wallets. My older son was nervous about the checkout process but came out of the store smiling. He said he thought he didn’t have enough money. He panicked, and the cashier said she’d cover the change shortage. My son remembered he had a zipper part to his wallet and pulled out the coins. I just watched through the store window in awe as he figured it out.
Big kids can do all that and…
15. Grocery shop, so send them in with a list while you wait in the car and read a book.
16. Budget money for something they want to buy.
17. Put gas in the car (if they’re old enough by law).
18. Find job opportunities and fill out applications.
19. Get themselves out of bed in the morning.
20. Settle conflicts with friends.
21. Manage their homework load and test schedules.
What’s missing from this list? What do you have your kids do for themselves?
