“Just tell her thank you for the gifts, and write a few lines about what you’ve been doing lately,” I explained to my four kids, who were looking at me with blank stares. A great-aunt had sent them gifts, and I wanted the kids to write thank-you notes. I knew she would enjoy hearing about their lives, especially in their own age-appropriate handwriting. But my children were acting like I’d just asked them to compose a symphony. “Can I just text her?” my 10-year-old daughter asked. And that’s when my palm hit my forehead.
I realize we can’t go back in time and live in the ‘80s and ‘90s again, and I don’t necessarily want to. But it’s good to stop occasionally and notice manners we accidentally may have lost. Here are 5 old-school manners still worth teaching our kids today.
1. Treating People With Respect on the Phone
As a child in the ‘80s and ‘90s, we had landlines with “those springy cords,” as my daughter says, serving as one phone for the household. Because of this, we were taught to answer: “Hello, Brink residence!” followed by “Yes, may I ask who’s calling?” or “No, may I take a message?” All of it was polite and formal, no matter who was on the other end.
Today, we skip the formality because we can easily see who’s calling. If we’re busy, we assume the caller will text or leave a voicemail. Answering with “hey” is the norm. The world says to do everything fast, but we want to teach our kids that relationships aren’t meant to be rushed.We can embrace old-school manners and take the time to answer, greet people nicely, and return a call with a call (not a text). When we teach this to our kids, it shows them how to make the slight shift from “me” and what I’m doing to “others” and what they might need.
2. Dressing Up to Honor Special Occasions
When my son was little, I decided getting him to wear clothes he disliked was not a battle I’d pick anymore. But I wish I’d said, “Except for on special occasions,” and here’s why. Dressing up for a special occasion communicates that “this is important.” And while our kids may not care about a cousin getting married or a sibling’s graduation ceremony, making them dress up teaches they should care about someone else’s special day. It’s once again a shift from “me” to “others.” We’re guiding them in that direction so that someday, they will care.
3. Addressing and Answering Adults With Respect
When my son joined a travel team at age 10, the head coach expected the boys to call him “Coach Neal” (his last name) and to answer with “yes, sir” when told to do anything from running a lap to sitting out for an inning. In the same way, when an umpire said, “You’re out!” he taught them to nod their heads “yes” instead of “no,” and if they threw fits in the dugout afterward, they sat the bench.
At first, “yes, sir” seemed a little contrived to me, but as the year progressed, I saw its benefits with wide eyes. It became natural for the boys, and they learned not to question the coaches but to trust them instead. They learned what it looks like to treat adults with respect.
4. Sending Thank-You Cards
Like my daughter said, “Can’t I just send a text?” Yes, you can. And sometimes, we’re so busy that sending a text to thank someone is a win. But there are benefits to sending a thank-you card. For one, handwriting is extremely personal, and it feels more intimate. And second, it shows once again that you took the time to stop and focus on others. What they did for you matters enough to write a note, address it, stamp it, and mail it. And because it’s so rare these days, it’s like a receiving little gift.
5. Welcoming New Neighbors
Long before the ‘80s, there were neighborhood welcome committees, usually made up of women delivering pies and fruit baskets to officially welcome a newcomer. Seem too “Brady Bunch” to do this today? Ask yourself: Would you like to receive something like that upon moving into a new neighborhood? Would you like to meet at least one person or have someone to call if you need help?
We assume a lot. We think people don’t need help or already know others in the area, but this isn’t always true. And sometimes we don’t even notice someone new. But people still need one-on-one connection—one friendly face in a new place. When we take the time to be that person, we teach our kids to notice and care about others around them.
What old-school manners do you wish we still practiced today?
