“Just five more minutes, Mom,” my son said without taking his eyes off the TV screen. “It’s not even the fourth quarter.” He was watching a football game, and I knew how much he loved it, but it was time for bed, and a school night, and he’d been having trouble getting up in the morning. So it was time to be firm, or my version of it.
“Seriously, it’s time. Go get ready for bed,” I replied. He didn’t move. “How about this—get ready for bed and then come back down. You can watch a few more minutes.” And he did, but he still watched the entire game and went to bed late. Maybe, like me, you struggle with being firm, and being told “just get tough” doesn’t feel like practical advice. If you’re looking for concrete ways to show your kids you mean what you say, here are 4 ways to be firm and mean it.
1. Firm posture: Think tall.
I’m only 5 feet 3 inches, but it doesn’t matter in the least. You can think tall in posture when you want to be firm with kids. Would a queen or a president ever slouch when giving a public address? Never! Take a lesson from them and stand up straight, take a breath, and think, “I am the adult. I am the leader.” Now deliver your message. This will not only help you look firm but also feel firm from the start.
2. Firm facial expression: Think “laser beam.”
I remember a teacher who, when she got serious, would tilt her chin down just slightly and stare at you like laser beams were coming from her eyes. Whenever she did that, we jumped into action. Eyes like laser beams don’t have to be scary, but they can communicate that you are serious. You mean business. One firm look from Mom can say more than an entire lecture.
3. Firm volume and tone: Think “quiet command.”
The natural way we often get firm is by getting louder and harsher in tone. But if you yell every time you get firm, kids will eventually tune it out or just think you’re being mean. Try the opposite approach and get quieter. The quiet command is one that gets quiet, slow, and serious. This communicates, “I am serious, and I am in control of myself and the situation.”
4. Firm attitude: Think “I will outlast.”
All kids will test and push back on boundaries. It is normal for them to do it. But just like you would with a toddler’s tantrum, you must be ready to outlast them. Take the stance of being prepared for him or her to push back many times. You will not budge physically (don’t walk away), emotionally (don’t show you’re upset or argue), or consequentially (don’t negotiate or give in like I did with the football game). Whatever you say, stick with it and follow through.
How do you show that you’re firm and mean what you say?
