“I don’t know what to do,” I said. “My son wants to quit, and I understand that, but my husband thinks it’s the wrong choice, and… Well, I just feel sick over this.”
“What’s your gut telling you?” my friend asked.
I paused to think about my gut. All I heard was a cacophony of crashing thoughts in my mind. I had no idea what my gut feeling was in all of that.
If you’re like me, you think, and then you overthink. You ask other people’s opinions, and you worry about your kids’ reactions. You end up frazzled, unable to sort through it all and get to the “right” conclusion. But I recently learned that it is possible to rediscover your gut feeling, even when you are full of conflicting emotions. Here are 5 basic steps that will lead you to it in just 10 minutes.
1. Find a peaceful place.
Before you quit reading right now, let me say that my peaceful place is alone in my van. You don’t have to take a trip to the beach or get all the kids out of the house. Remember, I said this would only take 10 minutes. Just go somewhere you can be alone. I like to pick a place where, if I cry, I won’t be embarrassed. If soothing music or the sounds of nature help you, add that too—whatever helps you focus on your own thoughts and nothing else.
2. Get in the moment.
Have you ever practiced mindfulness? The goal is to focus your mind on the here and now rather than thinking about the past or future. Here’s one easy way to do it, suggested by the Mayo Clinic, called “5, 4, 3, 2, 1.” Sit comfortably and take two long, slow breaths. Then name these things in your head:
5 things you see
4 things you hear
3 things you feel
2 things you smell
1 thing you taste
When your mind wanders to something else—what happened earlier with your child or what you’re going to cook for dinner—gently bring yourself back to the present.
3. Explore options and note the feelings with each.
Focus on the issue that’s been bothering you. Explore all your options. As you list each one, pay attention to the feeling it immediately elicits in you. Relief? Sadness? Fear? Excitement? Do nothing about these feelings other than simply notice them.
4. Take other people’s opinions out of the equation.
Now reviewing your options again, imagine that no one in your life has an opinion on the subject, and you won’t have to deal with anyone’s reaction to your decision (including your children’s). Your opinion is the only opinion that exists.
5. Go back to the beginning.
Gut feelings often come to us at the beginning of the process, but we push them away because they are too hard or too scary, or we think there might be a better solution. So go back in your memory to the first moment you considered this issue. What was your first reaction or response?
After you figure out what your gut is saying (Hooray!), remember that the gut isn’t always the be-all and end-all. You also have to discern if you can trust what your gut is telling you. For me, this usually means separating my gut from fear. It helps me to pray early and often in the process, asking God for guidance. I also ask myself if my gut is only pointing me to the option with the least resistance. When the answer is no, then I know it’s really my gut, and I can trust it. The more I’ve practiced getting back to my gut feeling, the more familiar it’s become, which leads to greater peace and better decision making.
How do you find your gut feeling amid conflicting emotions?
