My daughter had an emergency dentist appointment toward the end of elementary school, and she asked me to go back and sit with her during the procedure. My little girl was clenching and unclenching her fists as she lay back on the chair and waited for the dentist to come into the room. I sat at the end of the reclined chair, and she rested her legs over my lap. It was at that moment I realized her legs were shaved, perfectly smooth, as if she’d been doing it for years.
My mind instantly flooded, and my first question was laced with a subtle accusation: “When did you start shaving your legs?” The look on her face, and the conversation that followed, was my wake-up call—my little girl was ready to start growing up. As your kids are growing up, you can prepare for the inevitable parenting wake-up calls by prioritizing these 3 strategies.
1. Be proactive.
The first time I saw my daughter pick up a razor, she nearly swept her thumb across the blade to wipe it clean. My stomach dropped almost as quickly as my voice blurted, “No, no, no.” She looked at me with confusion and naivete until I modeled how a razor blade worked and how to use it safely. After years of shaving, it seems like a mundane task that doesn’t require explanation, but there are countless mundane tasks that are necessary stepping stones for kids as they grow up.
Get ahead of the small stuff, like shaving, and get ahead of the big stuff, too, like stranger danger, the puberty and self-care talks, the birds and bees, how to respond to uncomfortable situations, and advocating for personal needs. Teach your kids how to move through the world safely before they accidentally slice their thumbs open.
2. Be accessible.
My daughter must have assumed I wouldn’t let her start shaving, but there’s no telling what my reaction would’ve been if she’d come to me and asked for permission. This was totally uncharted territory for both of us. I have since made it a priority to foster an environment that allows her to make a pitch without getting an automatic no. When we left the dentist’s office that afternoon, we made a quick trip to Walgreens so she could pick out her very own razors and shaving cream. I stood right next to her in the aisle with my arm around her shoulder and whispered, “It’s so much fun watching you grow up, and I’m really proud of the young lady you’re becoming.”
Establishing an open-door policy takes time while kids are growing up. But it’s worth it. When my daughter asked me if she could try mascara, I was thankful she came to me first instead of using it and waiting to see if I’d notice her lengthened and darkened lashes.
3. Be aware.
Full transparency between parents and kids is unlikely, so it’s important to keep our fingers on the pulse of what consumes their thoughts and therefore also their actions. Had I known that other girls in my daughter’s class were already shaving, the element of surprise would’ve been eliminated. What are the expected milestones and timelines as our kids are growing up, and how can we honor them? I taught middle school for several years, and it always baffled me that there were teenagers still unfamiliar with deodorant. The issues only escalate, and grow stinkier, as kids get older.
Connect with friends who are parenting kids the same age. Get to know your kids’ friends, and get OK with being nosy or, to put it more kindly, aware. I don’t get a do-over with my daughter’s first shaving experience, but I’m thankful for the wake-up call that helped shape some of my parenting priorities.
Have you had any wake-up calls in parenting? What did they teach you?
