Why, if I’m a 41-year-old woman with two children, do I still hide a tampon in my pocket when I pass by coworkers on my way to the bathroom? I’m pretty sure the secret is out that I’ve had my period. There’s a phrase floating around that explains the reason I stuff my pockets. It’s “period shaming.”
The more I learn about period shaming, the more conflicted I feel about what actually qualifies and if we’re being a little too sensitive about it. I mean, there’s a difference between taboo versus private, and shame versus modesty. So how do you know if you and your daughter are victims of period shaming, or if your son or husband is guilty of it? Here are 3 examples of what period shaming is and how to help your daughter feel more comfortable.
1. Blaming PMS for Being Emotional
If you lose your cool, cry over something you normally wouldn’t, or get easily annoyed anytime within a week of starting your period, the natural inclination might be to blame it on hormones.
Is this period shaming?
If the person asks in a considerate, concerned way, I don’t think so. But if someone says it to you or your daughter in an accusatory way, then I’d say that yes, there is some shaming going on. It implies that your cycle is to blame for your emotions and you should be able to control it. It’s especially shameful if a guy says, “Are you on your period or something?” It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. It feels like condescension, dismissal, and disgust rolled into one sharp statement.
2. Being Afraid of Accidents
From the moment a girl learns that she will eventually start her period and have it monthly for the next several decades, she worries about accidents. Will I be stuck somewhere? Will a boy notice? According to some, if you’ve ever had someone point out a leak with a look of terror on her face—“OMG, the back of your skirt!”—you have been the victim of period shaming.
Is this period shaming?
I don’t think so. The thought is that this kind of mindset, this reaction, contributes to our society’s disgust with periods and menstruation. I get it. We shouldn’t see it as disgusting, but if your daughter accidentally tucked her skirt into her underwear, some people would react with the same panic. Does that mean they find the body disgusting? No. It just means they have a level of privacy.
3. Speaking About It in Whispers
Most young girls don’t even want to utter the words, “period,” “tampon,” or “menstruation,” much less talk about it at normal volume. Even some adult women lower their voices when asking a coworker for a tampon. In this category, I’d also include hiding tampons or pads in the grocery cart.
Is this period shaming?
If someone tells you to lower your voice, then yes, I think it is shaming. If you are comfortable discussing your period (and hopefully you are), someone else shouldn’t try to censor it. But there’s also a level of courtesy we owe one another. Most of us don’t announce to the room “I’m going to the bathroom now!”
If Your Daughter Feels Like She’s Being Shamed…
Depending on her age, your daughter might be the victim of period shaming. When they’re going through puberty, some boys (and girls) don’t know how to treat their changing bodies, so they resort to making fun, name-calling, or acting disgusted.
You can help your daughter by speaking openly with her about her period, helping her always be prepared, and giving her responses to use when others say inappropriate things. For example, if a boy asks her if she’s being emotional because she has her period, she can say, “I don’t see how that’s your business. I’m allowed to feel how I feel.” And if you have a son, help him gain a level of comfort by talking openly with him, too. Helping our girls be comfortable is only half the battle.
You can help your daughter by speaking openly with her about her period, helping her always be prepared, and giving her responses to use when others say inappropriate things. Share on XWhat do you think? Is period shaming a real thing? Have you experienced it?
