When I popped my head into my son’s preschool classroom, I expected to see him playing on the floor. But my eyes roved around the room until I spotted him on his teacher’s hip, his little arms wrapped around her neck. “Oh, hi!” she said, coming toward me. “Nothing to worry about.” Then she lowered her voice. “But there’s a child who’s struggling to adjust to preschool. He hit your son today.” I nodded, knowing that plenty of kids experience preschool struggles.
We really don’t know what to expect once we pack up our child and send him to preschool. But usually, after the first few months, we get an idea of what’s happening with—and possibly upsetting—our little ones. Here are 5 common preschool struggles and how you can help.
1. Working Well With Others
At 2 and 3 years old, toddlers are growing in independence and trying out all their new physical and verbal skills. But sometimes they get frustrated when they aren’t able to communicate well enough. That’s when some children hit, bite, or grab.
How to help your child: At home, stick to consistent discipline. If your child grabs a toy from a sibling, step in. “We don’t grab, honey. You need to wait until she’s done playing with it.” If he hit her, he might need time away to calm down. Author Susan Campbell says that in most cases, “as long as there’s a solid, warm, supportive parent-child relationship, a lot will get better on its own” and in time, he will move past his preschool struggles.
2. Separation Anxiety
“Mama, nooooo,” Evie cried. My friend’s 2-year-old was excited about preschool until she had to let go of her mom’s neck. For a toddler, being away from you can feel scary and overwhelming. Everything’s new! The people, the surroundings. It can take time for her get over her anxiety. My friend told me Evie’s tears and death grip continued for months.
How to help your child: If your child’s allowed to bring a stuffed animal or blanket from home, that could be comforting. You can also empathize: “I know you’re afraid. It’s OK to be nervous. All of this is new.” Feeling understood can give her courage. Also, assure her you’ll be back and give her something to look forward to when you return—maybe a fun playlist to listen to on the car ride home or a popsicle after dinner.
3. Communication Skills
The boy who hit my son in preschool had trouble communicating. Another child in the same class cried at odd times during the day for no apparent reason. But over the course of the year, and with practice communicating, both grew a lot! And when they came to my son’s birthday party that summer, you never would’ve known they’d had preschool struggles.
How to help your child: Talk to your child about what he likes. He’ll build his communication skills if he has your encouragement. Get down on his level, make eye contact, and show interest even in things you might find boring. It’ll take some patience communicating with a toddler, but he’ll learn through conversing with you how to be a good listener and communicator with others.
4. Adjusting to a New Environment and Schedule
My friend’s daughter Evie goes to an all-day preschool and wasn’t used to taking naps in the afternoon. She wanted to play instead! When the teacher turned off the lights and told her to sleep, Evie fought it. It took time and consistency at school, but eventually, Evie would lie down and rest quietly with the others.
How to help your child: Give it time. Don’t pull your child out, assuming she’s not ready for preschool. All kids respond to new experiences differently and some just take a little longer to adjust. Also, your child who cries when she sees you may act differently when she’s in the classroom. Talk with the teacher weekly to see how she’s doing. At home, don’t underestimate a good sleep schedule. Keep evenings low-key. A rested child will better able to handle new things the next day.
5. Learning Lag
I found out firsthand that kids develop at different speeds. One of my kids had letters and numbers down pat by age 2 while the other took much longer. But both of my kids are teenagers now and doing just fine. Children will learn when they’re ready. What’s more important in preschool is having soft skills like noticing when a classmate’s crying, speaking up, and working as a team.
How to help your child: Rather than quizzing her on her numbers, teach her how to be a good friend. Learning how to share, how to communicate with others, and how to empathize with a child who’s feeling sad are all important character skills. If she learns to love school, that’s also a win. Reading and writing will fall into place in time.
What preschool struggles has your child experienced and how have you helped?
