For many moms, “it’s complicated” sums up how we feel about traveling for our jobs. It’s why in addition to packing our laptops and work clothes, we might also bring along the guilt of leaving our kids. I even stow away those anxious “what if” thoughts to chew on like Nerds Gummy Clusters (which I also throw in my travel bag). If you want to stop carrying all that extra baggage on business trips, follow these 5 tips for working moms to make your work trip easier.

1. Let your child know you’ll be gone.

As a 2-year-old, my daughter started to get into watching NFL games and making her own weekly picks, just like we do on ESPN. So, from a young age, Reese knew that Mommy travels for work to talk about football. However, before leaving town, I still make sure she knows when I’m going, where I will be headed, and when I’m coming home. Right now, my son, Jack, is too young to understand, but I tell him, too. It helps make my leaving a little bit easier because it’s not a surprise for the kids.

Talking with your kids about your work trip gives them a heads-up about a change to the family routine. For example, on a typical day, I make Reese breakfast and take her to school. When I travel for work, that changes for her. Preparing kids ahead of time helps make the transition smoother for everyone. Try writing your trip down on a printable calendar to give your child a visual. (Try this Good Character Traits for Kids version.)

2. Leave a little note for each day you’re gone.

Each day I’m gone, I leave a little note (like these) or a small gift for my kids. It’s a small way to show them I’m thinking about them that day. And, since my daughter is a little older, she hypes up the notes to Jack. In the morning, she’ll say something like, “Baby, I wonder what Momma left for us today! Let’s go see!” It gives them something fun to look forward to and helps them pass the days quickly.

As a working mom, the demands of travel can be tough, but these small gestures create a heart connection across the miles. Whether it’s a simple “I love you” or a funny joke, each note serves as a daily reminder of your presence and love. These little surprises will bring a smile to your child’s face and offer a sense of consistency and comfort in your absence.

3. Stay connected while you’re away.

The best tips for working moms are the simplest ones, and this one is a no-brainer. Phone calls, video calls, or even swapping emojis or silly videos via text lets your child know you’re thinking about her. Consider setting a time each day for a call and making it special for each child. For example, you might read a bedtime story or sing a lullaby as part of the call, or maybe your child wants a virtual tour of your hotel room while telling you a joke he heard from Dad.

But sometimes, that call can end in unexpected tears because your child misses you. In those moments, instill confidence in your child. Remind her that she’s safe and loved and that you’ll be home soon.

4. Encourage your husband. 

I could not do what I do without my husband, Josh. His love for our family and support of my career keep me going. But I know traveling for work can be hard on all families, including my own. Routines get disrupted, responsibilities get shifted, and home life runs differently when Mom is on the road.

It’s why I think one of the best tips for working moms focuses on the dads. Let your husband know how much you appreciate the extra load he carries in your absence. Send him a quick text, leave him a voicemail, or even plan a special date for when you come back home. Parenting on your own takes a toll, and your intentional encouragement shows your husband that you value him.

5. Give yourself some grace. 

As moms, we hear a lot about what motherhood is supposed to look like and how we’re supposed to do it. Thankfully, one of the things I learned in my job is to block out the noise. Still, whether you travel all the time like me or just periodically, it’s hard not to get wrapped up in the fact that you feel like you’re not there enough or that you’re missing moments with your kids. But, Mom, the work you’re doing is important, too, so give yourself some grace and space to excel at work and as a mom.

When you find yourself having a tough day being away for work, remind yourself that the work you do matters. You’ve got talents, expertise, and experiences your colleagues depend on. Plus, you’re modeling for your child time management, purpose, and a healthy work ethic. And it’s cool to have your kids really proud of something that you’re doing, too.

What are some of your favorite tips for working moms you love to share with your friends?

The post Laura Rutledge: 5 of My Best Tips for Working Moms Who Travel appeared first on iMOM.

A couple of days later, in a session with my counselor, she said, “You had a panic attack. Let’s talk about it.” I explained what had induced the attack (yes, it involved my kids), and after listening for a while, she said three words to me that have forever changed the way I think about how to get through a tough time. If you’re in the thick of parenting or a personal crisis, sometimes a few comforting words can make a difference. Here’s what my counselor said to me, plus 4 other things to say to yourself when you’re overwhelmed.

1. She said, “This is hard.”

I replied, “I know,” and she said, “Do you?” Hmm… That caught me off guard. I think I’d been telling myself I was struggling because I wasn’t strong enough or because I needed better boundaries. But when she acknowledged that what I was experiencing was difficult, a wave of self-compassion washed over me. This feels hard because it is, so cut yourself some slack.

We often think that because being a mom is “natural,” every parenting challenge should naturally be overcome with ease. But sometimes, the best strategy for how to get through a tough time is to acknowledge that it’s tough. When you do, you’ll stop feeling like you’re deficient in some way and realize you’re human.

2. “Some days are harder than others.”

Every mom knows there are days when you kill it and days when you feel like it might just kill you. Knowing how to get through a tough time starts with remembering it’s temporary. Some days start at 1 a.m. with one child crying, “Mama! I’m gonna throw up!” or end with another kid yelling  “You’re the worst mom ever! I hate you!” But those 24 hours will come to a close, and a new day (hopefully a better one) will begin.

3. “It’s not my job to give my kids everything or create a perfect world.”

You’re not gonna like hearing this—sometimes we are the authors of our own problematic stories. The pressure we feel to give our kids the best experiences in school, in friendships, and at home leads us to take on way too much. The tough times we feel because we’re busy or tired stem from the belief that anything less than a perfect childhood will leave our kids with irreparable scars. That’s false. The sooner you let go of the idea that your children’s lives have to be perfect, you can also let go of all the pressure you feel to orchestrate that perfection.

4. “It’s not just OK if my children struggle; it’s good.”

One of my kids was struggling with friendships last fall, and I think I cried as much as he did, maybe more. At the same time, my other son was dealing with disappointment over losing an art contest he’d entered. I wanted so badly to make all of the hurt go away. But when that feeling rises up, I have to remember that struggles produce perseverance, problem solving skills, and the ability to think critically.

5. “I deserve the same kindness I extend to others.”

When my husband has a stressful week, I try to find ways to make life easier for him. I’ll make dinner (usually his job), ease up on my demands for little chores to be done around the house, and pull back on weekend plans so he can rest. Meanwhile, when I am in the thick of it—juggling work, kids, house, stress—I tell myself to get it together and try harder. I’d never say to my husband or a friend the harsh words I say to myself.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with the demands of life or going through a tough time, treat yourself the way you’d treat someone you love.

What’s something you’ve told yourself when you were in a difficult season in life? Need more quick affirmations? Here are 25.

The post 5 Calming Thoughts to Repeat When You’re Overwhelmed appeared first on iMOM.

On days when negative thoughts and worry cloud your mind, it’s possible to feel better if you can shift your focus. Here are 25 mental health quotes for moms to help you find some light today.

Inspiring Mental Health Quotes for Moms

1. “Faith is the art of holding on to things in spite of your changing moods and circumstances.” –C.S. Lewis

2. “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.” –Fred Rogers

3. “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” –Winston Churchill

4. “Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.” –Erik Erikson

5. “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” –Charles Spurgeon

6. “Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” –Matt Haig

7. “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” –Aristotle

8. “Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” –Mother Teresa

9. “Stop worrying about what you aren’t and start being happy about who you are.” –John Hagee

10. “You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.” –Winston Churchill

11. “Everyone experiences a version of anxiety or worry in their lives, and maybe we go through it in a different or more intense way for longer periods of time, but there’s nothing wrong with you.” –Emma Stone

12. “I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.” –Amy March, from Little Women

13. “I am not afraid. I was born to do this.” –St. Joan of Arc

14. “I have been bent and broken, but—I hope—into a better shape.” –Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

15. “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” –Robert Louis Stevenson

10 More Mental Health Quotes for Moms

16. “If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” –Fredrick Douglass

17. “Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.” –St. Francis de Sales

18. “Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” –Corrie ten Boom

19. “This should be the motto of every follower of Jesus Christ: Never stop praying no matter how dark and hopeless it may seem.” –Reverend Billy Graham

For more inspiration, check out our 7 Quick Prayers of Encouragement for Moms.

20. “I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silent hurt more.” –C.S. Lewis

21. “If you can’t fly, run. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl, but by all means, keep moving.” –Martin Luther King, Jr.

22. “We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures, we are the sum of the Father’s love for us and our real capacity to become the image of His Son Jesus.” –St. John Paul II

23. “It is not the trials in your life that develop or destroy you, but rather your response to those hardships.” –Charles Stanley

24. “Don’t let anything in life leave you perpetually breathless and in angst. The presence of anxiety is unavoidable, but the prison of anxiety is optional.” –Max Lucado

25. “Pray for wisdom to deal with whatever is worrying you. Pray that God will act to change the circumstances according to his will. He doesn’t always do what we want him to, but he knows what’s best for us, and he can be trusted.” –Reverend Billy Graham

Mental health quotes for moms can help us shift our focus. Which ones speak to you?

The post 25 Mental Health Quotes for Moms appeared first on iMOM.

Wouldn’t it be easier if our kids were growing up in the same world we did? I’d be great at teaching my kids how to share a phoneline and scanning song lyrics on a CD booklet. I’m not saying we have it harder than other generations did. It’s just different, and different can be scary. But despite these 5 reasons being a mom is hard, there’s also one truth you can hold on to.

1. Just when you think you’re doing it right, your feed refreshes.

What’s your parenting style this week? I’m kidding, but not. A friend forwarded an Instagram post and said, “Have you guys heard of conscious parenting?” and I replied, “Wait. I thought we were all about authoritative parenting.”

Being a mom is hard enough without all of the opinions on social media. Thanks to the constant flow of influencers, “What’s the right way to do it?” can echo so loudly that we can’t hear our inner voices speak.

2. Technology feels like a must today, not an option.

“My daughter’s teacher told everyone to download this app to turn in homework. But she doesn’t have a phone! This is so aggravating.” I could feel the heat coming off my friend’s text, and I understood. If you feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle against tech seeping into every crevice of your child’s life, you’re not alone. It’s disheartening to want to do the right thing but feel incapable of doing so.

3. We’re supposed to stop trying and try at the same time.

“Mama, give yourself grace…” Yep. I’ve heard it. I’ve said it. I’ve written it. But there’s still this little voice in my head that says “but keep trying to do more.” We’re told that we don’t have to climb the corporate ladder and be crafty and have the perfect home and dress in the right cut jeans—and man, do we want so badly to believe that. But then we see our friend do it and think if she can do it all, then what’s wrong with me?

We know the expectations put on women are unrealistic, but we also celebrate the moms who are killing it because, wow! They’re incredible. It’s difficult to let both of those truths exist in our minds and not wonder if we’re falling short in some way.

4. It’s so hard to keep up.

When I wrote an article about kids doing “nose cover” in photos, the response I got from most people was, “I’ve never heard of this,” which was followed by, “I just can’t keep up.” Slang, hashtags, trends, apps, platforms… Ignoring it all is tempting, knowing whatever is in today will be out tomorrow. But when your kids’ safety is at stake, you have to stay engaged.

5. We’re more aware of mental health (which is great but overwhelming).

More than any other issue, parents today worry that their children might struggle with anxiety or depression at some point, according to a study by Pew Research. We know enough about mental health to be on the lookout, but not enough to feel equipped to help them, and that’s a lot for us to carry.

We know kids can get depressed and they can die by suicide. We’ve also heard stories of parents being completely in the dark that their kids were struggling. We don’t feel prepared for the mental health crisis our kids are facing post-pandemic, and it feels like uncharted territory for everyone, not just parents.

If you’re worried that getting help for your child might send him a message that there’s something wrong with him, you have to let that go. According to the CDC, in 2019, 1 in 10 kids saw a therapist. Therapy helps kids understand that they are normal and gives them healthy coping skills that can serve them for life. Here’s a resource for you to find help.

But, Mom, as hard as it is to be us in 2024…

We were chosen to be moms right now for a reason. If it’s no accident that this is the age we’re parenting in, then I believe we’ll be given what we need to face all the things we’re tempted to hide from. Our moms and their moms didn’t think parenting was a breeze. I think they’d tell us that with each challenge came a wise word from a friend or a moment of peace that gave them the courage and strength to work through it. You are equipped for this challenge and capable of rising to it. You’re getting stronger and more capable every day.

What gives you strength when you feel like being a mom is hard?

The post 5 Reasons Being a Mom Is Hard Today appeared first on iMOM.

Our kids will challenge us because that’s how they’re figuring out their world and their role in it. What we can do is accept these challenges and grow with our kids. Here are 5 attitudes to refresh your parenting growth mindset so you can be the best mom you can be!

1. “I’m learning along with my child.”

I’ve struggled with a child who sometimes resists having a growth mindset, thinking I’ll never be good at this or even I’m a failure. It’s heartbreaking to hear those words. So, in my home, I’m trying hard to have a growth mindset too. I want my kids to know I’m not perfect—no one is. And whether it’s following a new recipe or figuring out the right thing to say, I want them to know I don’t always get it right. But I’m trying. And I’m willing to listen and try again if I mess up.

Harvard Business Review’s short video on “What Having a Growth Mindset Actually Means” explains how embracing this line of thinking—that you can grow your talents—can positively affect a company and its employees. The same thing would apply in your home. If you’re willing to learn along with your child (and not believe you’re born knowing how to be a good mom) your kids will feel more “empowered” and “committed” to grow and work hard too.

2. “This stage is hard, but my child and I will get through it together.”

The eye roll stage started at 13. But before that, my kid went through the door-slam stage. Both stages tested my ability to stay calm. But now that my kid’s nearing 15, I can hardly remember every difficulty. The thing is, we made it through each one.

Your children will test you in more ways than you ever imagined. Some days, you’ll want to give up. The thing is, we’re challenged by our children. And these challenges truly make us stronger and better parents. Between “stages,” you’ll have laughter and memory making too. Keep that in mind.

3. “Maybe there’s a better way.”

Only when my child hit a certain age did I start to think, What I’m doing isn’t working. It’s humbling to admit. But when you think, I need to figure out a better way, you’ve got yourself a growth mindset, which can only make you a better parent.

Have you looked for advice from experts either online or in books? Have you talked to friends or your mom about ideas?

4. “My husband might be right.”

Oh, the humility one must have to have to admit this. And it definitely took me years to come to this conclusion. But once I did, I felt like my husband and I became more of a team, and we started to see better results with certain challenging behaviors from our kids.

Being open to changing your line of thinking can help you become a better mom. Can your husband help you grow as a parent? Try giving his suggestions a second chance.

5. “Progress takes time.”

If my child’s getting frustrated because he can’t master something right away, this is my reminder to him. It takes time, dude. Keep at it. I realize I need to take my own advice more often as well. I expect my kids to fall into line right away, but it never works that way. To see progress (such as a change in kid behavior), I have to accept that I will need to stay committed to the cause, and probably give reminders for the first few weeks.

When you want progress to happen, remind yourself to be patient. Expecting results too quickly will only lead to disappointment. Sometimes, you’ll need months to see a change in behavior. But shifting your mindset in this direction will help you stick with it and be the support your child needs during this time.

How will you try to incorporate more growth-mindset thinking in your day-to-day?

The post 5 Attitudes to Refresh Your Parenting Mindset appeared first on iMOM.

Motherhood is a blessing. Full stop. But when the demands—the sleepless nights, the endless needs, the constant worry—outweigh your capacity to cope, your emotional and physical reserves get depleted. But depleted mother syndrome isn’t a diagnosis; it’s a sign that something needs to shift. So here’s a quiz (grab pen and paper) to see if you need to make changes—and some ideas that can have a real impact.

Step 1:

For each of the 10 statements below, answer with one of the following:

a) Not at all
b) A little
c) Somewhat
d) Moderately so
e) Very much so

1. I get/feel easily irritated with my children.
2. I feel that I am not the good parent I used to be to my child(ren).
3. I wake up exhausted at the thought of another day with my children.
4. I find joy in parenting my children.
5. I have guilt about being a working/busy parent, which affects how I parent my children.
6. I feel like I am in survival mode as a parent.
7. Parenting my children is stressful.
8. I lose my temper easily with my children.
9. I feel overwhelmed trying to balance my job and parenting responsibilities.
10. I am doing a good job being a parent.

Step 2:

Score each statement. For all questions except questions 4 and 10, use these point values.

a) Not at all = 0 points
b) A little = 1 point
c) Somewhat = 2 points
d) Moderately so = 3 points
e) Very much so = 4 points

For questions 4 and 10, use reverse scoring.

a) Not at all = 4 points
b) A little = 3 points
c) Somewhat = 2 points
d) Moderately so = 1 point
e) Very much so = 0 points

Step 3:

Calculate the total score.

0–10 Points: No or few signs of burnout
11–20 Points: Mild burnout
21–30 Points: Moderate burnout
31+ Points: Severe burnout

(This quiz is being used with permission from Drs. Kate Gawlik and Bernadette Mazurek Melnyk of The Ohio State University and was created to determine parental burnout for working parents during the pandemic.)

Changes That Can Help With Depleted Mother Syndrome

If you scored 0–10 points, keep doing what you’re doing. And reply in the comments with tips to stay energized!

If you scored between 11 and 20 points, you’re experiencing mild burnout. You’re doing pretty well, but there are still things you can do help yourself feel less drained. If you’re on screens a lot, try designating 30 tech-free minutes each day. Do something in that half hour that helps you feel relaxed like taking a walk or washing and moisturizing your face. If you can’t get kid-free time, do an activity that refreshes you like baking cookies to take to a neighbor or coloring.

If you scored between 21 and 30 points, you have moderate burnout and need to identify the main stressors. If you said “Duh, it’s my kids,” fair enough. But what specifically about your day or week piles on the stress? Hectic school mornings? Try implementing a new routine where the kids don’t come to breakfast until they are fully dressed, shoes and all. Or wake them up 10 minutes earlier and see how it changes the pace of the morning. Or is it all the driving you do that has you feeling depleted? Try driving in silence for one leg of the trip and practice breathwork during that time.

If you scored more than 31 points, you have severe burnout. Don’t believe the lie that being a mom should be easy because you love your kids. Parenting well and with intention is hard work. And the fact that you’re tired means you’re giving it your all. It doesn’t have to be this way, though. A mental health professional can help you find better balance and feel less depleted.

How did you score? What do you think contributes to your level of depletion?

The post Do You Have Depleted Mother Syndrome? Take This Quiz to Find Out appeared first on iMOM.

Well, guess what—it’s not! Even though mommy brain might leave us feeling out of sorts at times, research continues to pile up about the positive ways women’s brains adapt to pregnancy and post-pregnancy. And, Mom, you’ll be reassured to learn these changes serve a powerful purpose in your parenting. Forget what you think you know about your mommy brain, and embrace these 3 ways to love it instead.

1. Admit it’s all in your head (and it’s amazing!).

The plasticity of women’s brains during pregnancy is similar to during adolescence. Mommy brain, pregnancy brain, baby brain, momnesia are non-medical terms used to describe the cognitive changes a woman goes through during and after pregnancy. Your brain is literally reorganizing its structure, functions, and neural connections to accommodate for your new role!  

“It’s time to reduce focus on what is lost with motherhood and start paying attention to what is gained and how it is gained,” neuroscientist Dr. Clare McCormack explained on The Current radio program. “So changing that perspective is a really powerful thing, when you shift that focus and your thinking of pregnancy and adapting to parenthood as something that involves a lot of skill, something to wonder at.”

2. Lean into your upgraded abilities. 

Between 50 and 80% of pregnant and postpartum women report experiencing cognitive changes. We often focus on the forgetfulness, memory loss, and brain fog side of things. But we overlook the powerful ways our brains have adjusted to maximize our caregiving abilities. For example, research published in Brain Sci shows that changes in the gray matter of a mother’s brain are linked to increased feelings of attachment toward her baby. (But, Mom, this doesn’t mean you’ll automatically feel attached to your baby. Sometimes it does take time.)

And, you’ve probably been too busy with motherhood to read the recent research from Purdue University showing that moms have more heightened attention than non-moms. Lead researcher Dr. Valerie Tucker Miller wasn’t surprised by the results. “It makes perfect sense that moms who have brought children into this world have more stimuli that needs to be processed to keep themselves and other humans alive, and then to continue with all the other tasks that were required before the children,” she explains.

So, now the next time you wake up because of the tiniest of sounds from your toddler (and your husband doesn’t), know it’s just your new brain powers. And, Mom, give yourself a high five for distinguishing your child’s cry from every other kid’s. That’s just another one of your mommy brain upgrades.

3. Laugh about it. 

We just can’t help it. Mommy brain causes us to do all sorts of funny things. Toothpaste on your hairbrush? Been there. Put on two different shoes and wear them most of the morning before noticing? Done that. Mixing up all the names of your family? Happened today. 

Mom, we can’t take ourselves too seriously. Being a parent is hard enough. We can ease our mom stress by finding the humor in our unintentional antics. It is funny. And you really will laugh about it one day, so why not make that day today? The next time you find yourself trying to open the car door with the toy keys, give yourself permission to laugh it off (and then try and remember where you put the real keys). 

What is the funniest thing you found yourself doing or saying because of mommy brain?

The post 3 Ways to Embrace Mommy Brain and Love It Instead! appeared first on iMOM.

My dance training didn’t go to waste, though. While you won’t find me lacing up pointe shoes to talk sports, I do bring with me three qualities I learned during those years. They’ve served me well as a woman, and I want my own daughter, Reese, to learn them, too. If you’re raising a little girl, here are 3 qualities for a daughter to teach her early and often. 

1. Be confident.

It feels really special to me to have a hand in raising a young woman. Early on in my career, I quickly learned that in many of the roles we have as women, we’re going to receive criticism. I know Reese is going to go out into the world and be met with so many challenges. That’s just life. So, it’s important to me to find ways to build her confidence, and it’s also why it’s one of the qualities for a daughter I want her to live out.

My daughter is in preschool right now. Even at such a young age, I encourage her to be as prepared as she can be for school and to be proud of her knowledge and opinions. (She’s already so great at college football picks!)  I want her to be confident in who she is and what she knows to be true about herself. So, as her little personality emerges, I make it a point to speak encouraging words to her to help her get comfortable with her personality.

2. Be humble.

Teaching my daughter to be humble isn’t just about instilling manners or politeness. It’s about nurturing a grounded perspective. In a world that often celebrates individual achievement above all else, humility reminds us that every accomplishment is a collective effort influenced by the support and contributions of other people along the way. When I started in this field, I was willing to do sports reporting jobs no one else wanted to do. It’s how I learned, but even after more than a decade in, I’m still a student of the game. And, thankfully, I work with the most amazing teammates who make me better every single day.

By embracing humility as one of the deep-rooted qualities for a daughter, we can shield our girls from entitlement and instead encourage collaboration and a growth mindset. I want Reese to learn to approach challenges with an open mind, acknowledging her strengths while remaining receptive to feedback.

3. Be graceful.

Last Christmas, I took my daughter to her first Nutcracker ballet performance. It was perfect. And I will always treasure the moment of seeing her genuine excitement for everything from the Rat King to the chicken fingers and fries we shared afterward. She saw the beautiful, orchestrated movements of professional dancers on full display.

But, as moms, we can show just as much grace in our everyday conversations and interactions with our children. One of the things that I’ve figured out is that by fully showing up every day for my family and my work and by continuing to try to handle myself with class, I can set a positive example for my daughter. As moms, our daughters watch and learn from us how to respond to others and situations with grace. It’s not about being perfectly poised all the time, either. Some of my least graceful moments happen in front of a camera (like the time I misspoke a question to Coach Nick Saban). However, when my daughter eventually watches, I want her to learn that even when she makes mistakes, she can handle herself with grace, too.

What qualities for a daughter do you hope to instill in your child?

The post Laura Rutledge: 3 “Be” Attitudes I Want My Daughter to Embrace appeared first on iMOM.

I don’t share a lot of negativity because I’d rather release the fears and doubts of motherhood and focus on joy instead. This helps to reframe situations so I’m not weighed down by the tough parts. As moms, even though it’s not always easy, we get to be there for our kids. Try shifting your thinking toward these 10 “get to’s” of motherhood to help yourself focus on finding joy in motherhood.

1. You get to embrace the craziness.

Life as a mom of little ones can get pretty chaotic sometimes, like when you’re rushing around in the mornings trying to get everyone fed, dressed, and out the door on time. In those moments, I like to remind myself of this quote: “If you have tucked a child into a warm bed tonight, then you have the richest gifts. You are so blessed.” And that’s true, isn’t it? So, rather than being overwhelmed by the craziness, focus on the beauty and tenderness found in the middle of it.

2. You get to watch your kids’ personalities grow.

Witnessing your children develop into unique individuals with their own quirks and talents is one of the greatest privileges of motherhood. My daughter, Reese, is such a pistol. She’s vocal and confident. I can already tell Jack is so different. As moms, we get to celebrate the little people our kids are right now and guide them on who they will be.

3. You get to savor the sweet moments.

My daughter is a little talker, and I love that about her. We get cozy on the couch and hold the best conversations. At night, we read stories and talk about the day before I tuck her into bed. Those glimmer moments are ones we’ll hold in our hearts forever and can be the simple secret to finding joy and peace in motherhood.

4. You get to find joy even on the hard days.

There is nothing better than the sound of one of my children laughing. On the hard days, like when something at work goes wrong or Jack or Reese gets a stomach bug, just hearing their giggles draws me into the moment and reminds me to be thankful for my family. We all go through some really tough days. However, finding joy in motherhood is possible, even if we need to look closely to see it.

5. You get to witness the bond between siblings.

Siblings share a special relationship. My son, Jack, saves his biggest smiles for his sister. It’s a beautiful thing to watch unfold. Honestly, it makes me smile just imagining them as adults and knowing they’ll have each other to depend on throughout life.

6. You get to laugh at the little mistakes you make.

Being a mom comes with unplanned funny situations like the time I accidentally crushed my husband’s favorite hat under the pack-and-play. As much as I love a good prank, this wasn’t one of them. Since the baby was already napping, the hat remained smushed. And Josh and I laughed it off. Laughter really can reset any situation.

7. You get to introduce your children to what you love.

As a commentator on ESPN, it’s no secret that I love football. And during the season, it’s been so much fun to include Reese and Jack in picking who is going to win the week’s big game. Reese is actually pretty good at it, although she does seem to favor Alabama. While football might not be your thing, you get to share your favorite things—books, movies, games, food, places—with your children. And, maybe in the process, you’ll help them discover they love it, too!

8. You get to share in what your children love.

Finding joy in motherhood happens most often when I say yes to exploring the world through what brings my kids happiness: Dance parties in the kitchen, blowing bubbles outside, or skipping together down the sidewalk. As moms, our children invite us to explore the world with fresh eyes.

9. You get to discover what works for your family.

During football season, my work comes with little flexibility. However, my husband and I learned what works for us. One of the adjustments we’ve made is when we spend time together as a couple. After the kids are in bed, we make time to sit on the couch and talk in the evenings. I might be pumping Jack’s next meal and checking on a few work things, but I’m also connecting with Josh.

10. You get to love and be loved by your children. 

We can probably all think of things we “should” be doing. For me, it typically includes responding to a text, prepping for an interview, or figuring out what’s for dinner. However, finding joy in motherhood means figuring out it’s OK to pause all the “shoulds” and love on your children by prioritizing time with them right now.  

What “get to” situations are bringing you the most joy in motherhood right now?

The post Laura Rutledge: 10 “Get To’s” of Motherhood That Bring Unexpected Joy appeared first on iMOM.

To make this night perfect, I paid attention to the tiniest details. Or so I thought. I failed to notice the jealousy gathering steam in her 3-year-old sister. And while I walked Emmy downstairs for pictures, Ellery lingered behind and took a permanent marker to her sister’s American Girl Doll. Mom fail. I clearly missed all the clues of how left out she felt. But the story didn’t end in defeat, and your parenting mishaps don’t need to either. Here’s how to turn 3 common parenting fails into parenting wins.

But first, here’s a note about parenting fails.

Your child doesn’t need perfection from you (just like you don’t need an error-free child). Your child does need to learn from you how to fail and recover. Parenting fails happen to the best of us. Perfection is for myths and Instagram. For us moms out in the wild, can we agree to remember: Mommy is learning, too.

Parenting Fail 1: Pushing Your Luck When Out With a Kid Around Nap Time or Meal Time

I didn’t plan on carrying a mostly naked, screaming 2-year-old football-style out of the store, yet there I was doing it anyway. It was nap time, but the day was going so well that I figured we could hit one more store. I even thought it was the perfect time to find a new bathing suit for my toddler—until she refused to take it off and windmilled her arms so rapidly at me, she could’ve powered the whole store.

You’ve probably experienced this parenting fail, too. After a full day of work and no other choice, you swing into the grocery store with kids in tow, trying to figure out what’s for dinner. Meanwhile, your kids add a meltdown to the menu. Or that time you finally made a cool mom friend at the park, so you give your child another 30 minutes to play. But instead of playing nicely with your new bestie’s child, your kid gives into being hangry and pushes the other kid down. Oof.

How to make it a parenting win: Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that toddler meltdowns are a normal part of the early years. Speak calmly and acknowledge your little one’s feelings: “I see that you’re frustrated.” Offer choices and de-escalate if possible. Oh, and let go of the thought that people are judging you. Chances are, you’re surrounded by empathic moms who’ve been there, too.

Parenting Fail 2: Getting Sucked into Your Kid’s Emotions and Escalating the Situation by Yelling Back

Raise your hand if you’ve ever yelled at your kid to stop yelling. Or better yet, stomp your feet if you’ve ever mimicked the stomps of your child down the hall to yell at her for yelling at you. Parenting would be so much easier if our kids’ emotional storms could be tracked in advance like the hurricanes they are. Then, we could batten down our response beforehand and safely ride out the storm. Unfortunately, they don’t, and sometimes, we find ourselves ill-prepared for the surge. And so we start yelling, and the storm damage widens, but Mom, that doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t repairable.

How to make it a parenting win: Modeling for your child how to own up to mistakes and apologize turns this parenting fail around. Your kid is learning when and how to set aside heightened emotions and love the people in his life well. And that means saying “I’m sorry” when you hurt or disrespect someone. But, before making an apology, allow time for everyone’s emotions to settle. For younger children, apologizing in person works best. However, sometimes, for tweens or teens, try apologizing over text. This could lead to your child opening up about what he’s upset about.

Parenting Fail #3: Threatening Consequences You Don’t Mean

“If you choose to disobey me, then you won’t be going on your field trip,” I confidently proclaimed to my daughter. I knew she wouldn’t miss that end-of-the-year trip for anything. Well, except, she did choose to disobey me. And there I stood forced to follow through on a consequence I didn’t really mean.

How to make it a parenting win: Empty threats erode trust and can lead to power struggles and a child who questions your word and authority. Rather than throwing out consequences you don’t mean, offer choices with natural consequences: “Put your bike away in the garage before it rains or I will put it up for a week.” Focus on clear and consistent expectations. And, if you do let slip an empty threat, remember, “Mommy is learning, too.”

Can you share one of your memorable parenting fails and what you learned from it?

The post 3 Common Parenting Fails and How to Make Them Wins appeared first on iMOM.