In high school, I drove a teal two-door 1993 Chevy Cavalier. Every day I drove the mile from my house to my best friend’s to pick up her and her brother, who was 11 months younger than her. We relegated him to the backseat, where he’d draw sad faces in the condensation on the tiny triangle-shaped windows.
Having only a sister, the dynamic between my friend and her brother was interesting to me. They fought a lot, but I got the impression her opinion still mattered to him. One time she told him he was cool, and he held back a smile. If you have a son and a daughter, remind your daughter her words hold weight, even if the two of them don’t get along. If you want to coach her a little, here are 10 things every brother needs to hear from his sister.
First, what do boys need?
Have you seen our list of things every sister needs to hear from her brother? A boy’s words to his sister can impact how she lets other boys treat and speak to her, but what can a girl’s words do for her brother? They can help him grow in emotional intelligence.
In Raising Emotionally Strong Boys, David Thomas says there’s something behind the sullen, angry attitudes he’s seen in boys in his 25 years of counseling. Partially to blame is their lack of emotional intelligence or “EQ.” A boy with a sister has a leg up, though. If you know a guy who “gets” women, maybe you’ve heard him say, “Oh I understand. I grew up with a sister.”
While it’s not your daughter’s job to grow her brother’s EQ, she can help him better understand himself and others. Here are different brother-sister scenarios and important things sisters can say.
Things Every Brother Needs to Hear From His Sister If They Don’t Get Along
A friend of mine has a son and a younger daughter. She says the girl desperately wants her brother’s approval, attention, and kindness. Instead, he flashes an L on his forehead, and she leaves the room feeling deflated. What could her words possibly matter if he acts like he can’t stand being in the same room as her? A lot.
Part of emotional intelligence is understanding the feelings of others. So, she can say, “That hurt me,” when he acts like a jerk instead of letting him get away with rude behavior.
Saying, “I know you love me even if you don’t act like it,” can help him see that his actions send a powerful message, but she values their relationship.
Things Every Brother Needs to Hear From an Older Sister
Big sisters can be brutal on the egos of little brothers. Guys I’ve spoken to carry some scars from too-cool sisters who treated them like pariahs. Your daughter’s words carry weight, so encourage her to say things like “Want to hang out?” He’ll think it’s the best day ever. Or “Your hair looks good like that!” to boost his confidence. She can even weigh in on his social life and say, “This girl is no good for you,” if she thinks the girl he likes is bad news. And laughing at his joke will make him feel like he can conquer the world.
An older sister can also be a valuable confidant for her brother. Just saying, “Are you OK?” invites him to consider his feelings, which can help grow his emotional intelligence.
Things Every Brother Needs to Hear From a Younger Sister
A little sister will always see her brother as a superhero. Her words can help him build habits that will serve him in the future.
If he defends her in front of other kids, tell her to say, “Thanks for sticking up for me.” If he helps her finish her science project, comments like, “You have good ideas,” can make him feel competent. If she asks him, “Can we talk?” he’ll get great practice at listening to a girl share her heart—a skill that will serve him well.
What do you wish your daughter would say to your son more often?
