The parent contact info sheet made its way around to the desks where our trio was seated. I looked at it and raised my hand, “Can we use a second line?” The space for name, email, and phone number was tight to begin with, and we had to fit three sets of information: mine, my ex-husband’s, and his wife’s. We’ve been communicating with teachers as a two-household family for years now, but there’s still an awkward get-to-know-you period at the start of every new school year.
If you’re co-parenting or raising your kids on your own, the way you communicate with teachers is going to look a little different than it does for moms in two-parent households. To give your kids the best shot at success, both academically and socially, here are 7 things you should try to do and one thing to avoid when communicating with teachers.
7 Things to DO When Communicating With Teachers
1. Remember that you’re not alone.
About 30% of U.S. born kids live in single-parent households. That means that your kids are not the only ones in their classrooms who live with just Mom or just Dad. You don’t have to feel ashamed or awkward about the makeup of your family. Be upfront with the teacher. I’m sure she’ll appreciate your honesty and be rooting for your child.
2. Be honest but not dramatic.
If your children’s father is neglectful or doesn’t help the kids stay on top of their school work when they’re at his house, tell their teachers. Limit what you share to the facts that affect your children, and ensure the teacher that you’re doing what you can when they’re home with you.
3. Ask for duplicate copies of important information, and use two folders.
“I had no idea he’d bitten a kid until the parent-teacher conference a month later!” my friend told me with a twinge of embarrassment. Her son’s teacher had sent home a note, but it never made it to her because her ex-husband picked their son up that day and emptied his backpack.
At the start of the school year, put in a formal request to be sent two copies of important information (schedule changes, discipline notices, permission slips)—one for you and one for Dad. Make separate folders, one labeled “Mom” and one labeled “Dad.”
4. Welcome any form of communication.
Part two of the biting incident was my friend telling the teacher to text or email her if it happened again. If the teacher’s method of communication isn’t working for your two-household family, ask if an alternate form is possible. I know a few teachers who use a group text platform to keep everyone in the loop.
5. Provide your time-sharing schedule.
Another friend of mine let her daughters’ teachers know that the front pockets of their book bags had all the information they needed for both households—contact information and their overnight schedule—in case anyone had questions or needed to contact them.
6. Ask if there are conference times that are during non-work hours.
If there’s not an hour of the day that you’re not at work or with your kids, parent-teacher conferences (especially for multiple children in one day) can be tricky to squeeze into your schedule. If you address this at the start of the year, the teachers might have an idea that works for you. Using foresight instead of replying to the conference email with “I can’t make it during those times” will show the teachers that you want to cooperate with them to do what’s best for your child.
7. Keep an open line of communication about what’s going on at home.
If your divorce is fresh, Dad is getting remarried, or he’s been a no-show for a few weeks, there’s nothing wrong with filling in your child’s teacher. Like point number two, avoid mud-slinging. Just offer insight into anything that might be affecting your child’s behavior, attention span, or emotions.
1 Thing NOT to Do When Communicating With Teachers
1. Intentionally leave out Dad.
When I was putting this list together, one of the teachers I surveyed said she would do whatever she needed “to make a parent feel less excluded.” She said often, dads want to reach out but feel uncomfortable. Then, because they’re in the dark when the kids go to their houses, they don’t know what’s due or how to access work that’s online.
So even if you doubt that your ex-husband will help your kids with homework or remind them about an upcoming test, do what you can to include him in communications with teachers. Remind him about open house or conference dates, and copy him on emails about your child’s behavior or grades.
What do you tell teachers at the start of the school year to help your kids succeed?
