It was a hot summer day, and my twins wanted ice cream. “I hope I don’t run into someone I know,” I thought as I walked into the ice cream shop. Messy hair, extra weight, and frumpy clothes became my new normal after becoming a single mom, so I tried to avoid people I knew. As we walked in, I saw someone from grade school. She had perfectly laid hair and wore a stylish summer outfit. I shrank back in embarrassment and sheepishly said hi. Being a single mom, I was struggling with confidence, and it showed.
Have you ever allowed other people or situations to shake your confidence? There is hope. Here are 4 ways to rebuild your confidence after becoming a single mom.
1. Know that you’re worthy of love and respect.
“You’ll fail at motherhood and business and eventually give up on your dreams.” I stared at the phone with tears in my eyes, wondering if what was being said was true. After months of being berated and talked down to by the father of my children, I began to question if I mattered.
It’s not just words that can cause us to question our worth. Not feeling appreciated or noticed also impacts our confidence. Whether no one notices you or you are recognized for everything you do, know that you are worthy of love and respect because your worth isn’t determined by your failings or achievements. Knowing this truth will impact how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you. This will help you to rebuild confidence.
2. Anchor your identity in truth.
Being a single mom is not your identity. Your name or address might change when your relationship status does, but what gives you your true identity does not. I believe that comes from God and never changes. Plus, we are moms and daughters and have had a lot of successful relationships in our lives. This is why it’s so important to remind yourself of the times you’ve had success and to name the good things in your life. Repeating these thoughts will help you remember how amazing you are and help you move forward with confidence.
3. Surround yourself with people who encourage you.
When my kids were young, I felt like a failure. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and I was struggling financially. It felt like everything was falling apart, and I didn’t know who I could confide in about my feelings. I joined a mom group and a Bible study and met some amazing women. These women encouraged me by reminding me I was doing a good job and highlighting positive attributes I couldn’t see in myself. A number even invited my children and me to playdates, which led to amazing friendships.
Being a single mom doesn’t mean hanging out just with other single moms. Consider attending baby and me or stroller exercise meetups, community groups, library story time, or a mom group at church. If your children are in childcare or school, you can stay late after school pick up for impromptu play dates to meet other moms. The key is building a tribe of people who encourage you yet also challenge you to be the best you can be.
4. Recognize the small steps.
When my children were young, I didn’t feel good about myself, so I turned to food for comfort. My weight jumped back up to my pregnancy weight, so I started exercising and eating better. Unfortunately, when the weight didn’t immediately come off, I quit. When I restarted, I adopted a different mindset and focused on taking daily action steps toward my goals instead of looking for an immediate outcome. When I recognized the small steps I was taking, it gave me momentum, and then I finally started seeing progress.
Write down your daily victories to remind yourself of your progress. Look for small wins. This can be as simple as, “I didn’t lose my patience with my kids today.” Looking at the small steps we are taking serves as a confidence booster.
What ways can single moms rebuild their confidence?
