But I used to be a single mom, and I remember the stresses of sharing my son during the holiday season. It felt like a game of Jenga. One wrong move would send it all crashing down. One thing I have learned over the years is when you’re co-parenting holidays together, you have to be creative, flexible, and willing to let go of the norms. Here are 4 ways to do that and ease co-parenting holiday stress.

1. Celebrate on a different day.

Holidays are special. Those earmarked days on the calendar symbolize what I always think of as the perfect family day. However, when co-parenting holidays together, celebrating on the actual date of the holiday may not work. The good news is you can celebrate any day you’d like. My husband used to turn Christmas Eve into Christmas Day because his ex-wife had the kids for Christmas Day. The kids loved it and it showed them holidays are about family, not dates on a calendar.

2. Combine holidays.

When my husband was a single dad, he didn’t always have the kids on certain holidays. So he created a tradition of combining Thanksgiving and Christmas into “Thanksmas.” Crazy as it sounds, his two kiddos liked the idea of combining Thanksgiving food with Christmas presents and decorations. It lessened the hard feelings when the holiday rolled around, and he couldn’t have the kids with him.

3. Invite your ex’s family to join.

Maintaining good relationships with an ex’s family members can be difficult, even impossible. People take sides for obvious reasons. But if you have a good relationship with your ex-husband’s family, one way to make the holiday more fun for your kids is to invite those family members to join in. My husband often has invited his ex’s grandmother and cousins into our holiday celebrations. Open-ended invitations to the other part of your children’s family allow you to keep communication flowing and surround your kids with people who love them.

4. Remember it’s the time spent with your kids that really matters.

Kids make a big deal about the presents. They love the decorations. They can’t wait to have their favorite foods. But when all is said and done, it’s the time you’ve spent with them that really matters. Sure, all the other things are fun, but investing that focused time will mean so much more. My son and I still sit and giggle watching the Grinch together each season. Put the gift-giving stress aside for a moment to bake the cookies, sing the carols, and watch the movie you have memorized because those are the things your kids will remember.

How will you make sure you find joy in the holiday stress?

The post 4 Ways to Ease Co-Parenting Holiday Stress appeared first on iMOM.

1. Give the same rules and same punishments.

OK, maybe this first one won’t make them feel special, but it’s important. I don’t mean every child should be punished in the same way. Different consequences work for different kids. But if two kids disobey to the same degree, it’s unfair for you to punish your step-child more or less harshly than your biological child. That will only cause bitterness and resentment between the kids.

2. Make a family holiday.

Why not pick a day off the calendar and make it your official family holiday? Let the kids plan the celebration and come up with a creative name. For example, my last name is Watts, but my sons’ last name is Brundage. We combined the names to celebrate The Wattage Family Day! And remember, everything is better with cake!

3. Show interest in all the kids’ activities.

I know life is busy, but if you only go to baseball games or dance recitals for your biological child, that’s going to send a pretty loud message to your step kids that they are less important. You don’t have time to go to every event, but distributing your time among all the kids and not showing favoritism will help your kids see that family is the priority over one individual child. And encourage the kids to attend their step-siblings’ events too!

4. Still dedicate time to your bio kids.

Yes, #3 is important, but your biological children still need some mom time, especially if they spend time at their dad’s and crave your attention. Even if it’s just an extra 10 minutes at bedtime or a car ride to the corner store to pick up a pack of gum, give them some of yourself that the other kids don’t get and make sure your husband does the same for his kids.

5. Don’t compare your home to your ex’s home.

It’s hard to blend your family when you’re constantly comparing it to someone else’s. You will never feel content with your life if you keep looking at your ex-husband’s and seeing what he has that you don’t or vice versa. Peace is an important ingredient in the recipe for a healthy blended family.

6. Let home life be real life.

When your kids are all together, it can be very tempting to treat them to non-stop fun. After all, it’s hard for step-siblings to bicker when you’re at a theme park or loading up at the concession stand at the movies. But being able to cooperate on chores, share a space, and be bored together⁠—that’s all part of healthy family life.

7. Create a Family Mission Statement.

When you’re on a mission, you and your group are moving in the same direction and have a common goal. A mission statement can help your family evaluate decisions and choose behaviors you find valuable. Every family needs a mission statement, but it can be especially helpful for a blended family.  When the kids are living in two households or have been raised with different rules, a mission statement gets everyone on the same page. Signatures required!

What blended family tips can you share?

The post 7 Ways to Peacefully Blend Your Blended Family appeared first on iMOM.

First, I think it’s important to lower expectations and to not put too much pressure on anyone to make the day perfect. We don’t want these days to be big emotional events, just try to make them enjoyable and have reasonable expectations for yourself and the family. Most likely your stepchildren will spend the actual day with their biological mom and yet you can help prepare everyone for the day. A few ideas would include:

• Ask your husband if there is anything he would like to do to help them prepare for the day, for their biological mom and for you? If the children’s mom is not remarried or in a significant relationship, there may not be any other adult available to help the kids prepare gifts or cards. Though it is not your job to do this, brainstorming ways to make it fun for the kids is a blessing you can offer to the children because you love the kids.
• Your husband may want to talk to their mom to find out if there is an adult to help them prepare for the day. Some husbands may not see the need or significance in this; however, as a co-parent, it is important to talk to the other parent about anything important that impacts the children. It would be a healthy co-parent expression to simply ask the question a few weeks in advance and offer to help the kids prepare for the day, again because he cares about the kids.
• Offer to take them shopping to get their mom a gift or a craft they can work on to give her.
• Verbally express your support of their mom. It actually helps children love you (stepmom) more when you affirm the love they have for their mom. When they don’t have to pick favorites, it helps them relax and love everyone in their extended families.
• Remind kids that you are not there to replace anyone and that you are thankful they have a mom that loves them.
• As for your own household, consider a special meal or outing the week prior or post to the actual Mother’s Day weekend.

Another important thing to remember as a stepmom is that we often don’t see the fruit of our labor until years, maybe decades, later. Some of the hardest years are right in front of us while the long-term view of life and loving relationships is often forgotten. We often want to see a microwave family come together quickly, be fully bonded, and always feel connected to our stepkids. The reality is that it takes years to build the bond between kids and stepparents; the positive payoff is not always immediate but becomes clearer as the stepchildren become adults and become parents themselves.

This Mother’s Day and all days let us stay focused on what unites us, not what divides us, and strive to be the one who leads with the most loving attitude of all.

What can you proactively do this year to make Mother’s Day a blessing for everyone in your family?

Tammy Daughtry, MMFT is an author of the book, Co-parenting Works! Helping Your Children Thrive after Divorce as well as the creator of the DVD, One Heart, Two Homes: Co-parenting Kids of Divorce to a Positive Future.

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My story is a bit unique. My husband was my first kiss, my first handholder, my first everything — at age 29.

For my husband, this was his second marriage. And when I married him, I knew he was giving me two beautiful wedding presents: two girls, ages eight and twelve. But all the events which have transpired since our wedding make me frequently say those words, “If I had only known…”

Don’t get me wrong, I most certainly would still have married my husband and welcomed my daughters into my heart. But I do wish someone would have told me about the heartache associated with being a stepmom: fights with and comparisons to his ex-wife, tears over who wants to live with whom, different parenting styles, different expectations on chores… and the list goes on.

My marriage is one of the greatest sources of joy in my life; however, I have also experienced much pain and sorrow from being a stepmom. All of the lessons learned within my past five years of marriage can mainly be boiled down to the following four tips for being a stepmom:

1. Say Less.

You may laugh, but it’s true. Less complaining. Less crying and asking, “Why?” Less angry outbursts. Less retaliation. Less biting words. Less badmouthing. I wish I would have said less and lived more. As I was told in college, we have two ears and one mouth because we were made to listen twice as much as we talk. I believe that. After talking negatively far too much, I now say less.

2. Pray More.

I wished I would have prayed more – much more. I wish I would have prayed more for my husband’s strength, for my peace and wisdom, and for my girls’ hearts. I wish I would have eagerly sought out mentors to pray with me too: to have a sense of community so that I wasn’t alone in my journey as a new stepmom. Prayer always has a way of changing me much more than it ever changes anyone else I pray for. I now pray more.

3. Understand More.

This kind of builds upon the previous two points. As I say less and pray more, I understand more. I understand now that my husband was always on my side. I had no reason to compare myself to his first wife. I understand now how joy comes the morning after holding my weeping husband in my arms — after saying “goodbye” to the girls at the end of a visit. I understand my husband and my girls more.

4. Don’t Put it in Writing.

Funny story. One day, I was really upset at my husband’s former spouse. Instead of cooling off, taking a walk or just leaving it alone, I sent off a heated email. Bad idea! The result? A returned email, equally as heated, which caused me months of weeping and nursing deep wounds. Since then, when I am mad, I let myself be angry, but I don’t respond in print – not even to my husband.

Being a stepmom is a tough job. There are some very murky territories within the role, but the rewards of hugs, laughs, and snuggles are worth it. My daughters truly were (and still are) the best wedding present I could have ever received.

Share with us… In your journey as a stepmom, what lessons have you learned?

The post 4 Tips for Being a Stepmom appeared first on iMOM.

She and Jordan’s dad took the reins and allowed her husband—the stepfather—to play the role of “good cop.” Jordan’s mom and dad took the brunt of her anger about a set of new rules and her stepdad was able simply to serve as a sounding board when Jordan wanted to talk about it. Wise stepparents can guide and nurture stepchildren without blowing up a fragile relationship. Here’s how to apply the “good cop” principle in a relationship with stepchildren.

Let your spouse take the lead 99 percent of the time.

One of the biggest stepparent struggles is the fragility of the relationship between a stepparent and stepchildren. Whenever possible, let your spouse take the lead in difficult conversations and moments of correction. The natural parent-child bond they have can take the strain of those moments better than your step relationship, even if you’ve been a part of the family for years. The natural parent can survive being the bad cop more easily.

Walk softly with your stepchildren.

To walk softly doesn’t mean that you don’t have authority in the home. It just means you possess the wisdom and self-control to exercise it without yelling, belittling, or adding to the conflict in any way. This is good advice for any parent, but it’s especially useful for stepparents. Remember, your stepchildren likely look for clues in your speech and behavior each day to discern how you feel about them. You may be reacting to or correcting their behavior, but they feel as if you’re expressing how you feel about them. You, as the adult, must take the lead and model restraint to build a good relationship with your stepchild.

Defer to the other natural parent when possible.

We realize this is tricky. Sometimes the other natural parent is no longer around because he or she has a lot to learn about being a spouse and about being a parent. In these cases, the full load of parenting falls on the natural parent who is still in the home and in the game. But there are many divorced couples who both parent well regardless of the fact that their marriage ended. In those cases, do all you can to make the natural parents (and the child especially) realize you understand the role and importance of that other natural parent and that you’re not attempting to take his or her place.

Play the role of encourager.

Look for opportunities to say positive and encouraging things to your stepchild. When your spouse has been forced to play the bad cop and things in the home are tense, you may be able to come alongside your stepchild and say, essentially, “Hey, I know this is hard, and you’re upset with your dad right now. But he loves you and just wants what’s best for you. I love you, too, and think you’re a great kid. Things will get better, so hang in there.”

Err on the side of generosity and fairness.

When in doubt, choose to believe the best about your stepchild. No, this is not a call to blind naiveté, but a reminder that sometimes, we all need someone to believe the best about us. And occasionally, it’s that confidence that propels us toward our better impulses. If your stepchild knows you think he or she is a good kid, he or she might just try to live up to your expectations.

How does your blended family encourage good stepparent-stepchild relationships and minimize conflict?

Dana Hall McCain writes about marriage, parenting, faith and wellness. She is a mom of two, and has been married to a wonderful guy for over 18 years.

The post Good Cop, Bad Cop: The Stepparents Guide appeared first on iMOM.

However, some blended families do manage to find a balance and build solid–not perfect, but solid–relationships with every member of their household. They’ve accepted that step parenting is a bit different from traditional parenting, and have figured out how to build mutual trust and respect with their stepchildren one day at a time. If you want to help your non-traditional crew live and love in peace, check out these 5 things happy blended families know.

1. Relationships take time.

Just because you became a child’s stepparent in the length of time it takes to say, “I do,” doesn’t mean that you have a relationship with that child. Understand that it will take time for your stepchildren to develop a true connection with you, and be patient with them. Likewise, it will take your children from a previous marriage time to develop a bond with your new spouse.

2. Respect is a two-way street.

The best way to develop trust and love in a relationship is to consistently show respect. Our culture is familiar with the idea of children showing respect to adults, but children are people, too, and deserving of respect in their own right. By speaking to everyone in the home with a respectful tone of voice and attitude, and by avoiding sarcasm and harshness, you create a culture where children and stepchildren understand that respect is the standard. You can exercise authority while still showing respect.

3. Co-parenting is a team sport.

You may be divorced from your ex-spouse, but he is still your child’s parent. And if he still shares any custodial rights, you have an opportunity every day to choose peace or choose conflict. For everyone’s sake, choosing actions and words that promote peace and unity in parenting the child you share is the wise course. Working hard to be flexible and communicate well regarding your child’s care and development is the right thing to do.

4. Discipline is different in blended families.

Finding the right balance of authority and love is difficult with any child, but when that child is not your own, you really have to think. Being united with your spouse about the boundaries for the children is crucial, as is consistency. But, even having said that, your relationship with the child is paramount, particularly in the early stages of living together as a blended family.

5. You can’t attribute every difficulty to being a blended family.

Parents in traditional family structures can attest to the fact that parenting is just hard. Period. Even with your biological children and an intact first marriage, some seasons are just difficult. So roll with the punches and realize that this wouldn’t be perfect under any circumstances, and do the best you can with what you’ve got.

What has been the key to success in your blended family?

Dana Hall McCain writes about marriage, parenting, faith and wellness. She is a mom of two, and has been married to a wonderful guy for over 18 years.

The post 5 Things Happy Blended Families Know appeared first on iMOM.

Stepparents can face problems at two distinct levels. First, you must contend with stepfamily issues: inner conflicts your stepchildren suffer as they sort out how they feel about you; their insecurity about the stepfamily; and their distress from shuffling between households, to cite a few examples.

Meanwhile, parenting kids this age has never been easy. Stepchildren face serious developmental issues during these years because of their age, not because they are stepkids. They become more independent and experiment with behaviors which can seem strange, silly, even dangerous.

Breaking loose from family is a normal part of teenage life, and stepchildren are no exception. Given such a tall order then, how can you be most effective?

Keep expectations low, patience high.

Your stepkids probably won’t share your dreams of a happy stepfamily. They may be unwilling to trust you. They may differ greatly from you in temperament, interests, values and habits.

Instead of viewing them as “disappointments,” remember that you didn’t raise them; they are not yours. There is no real basis for your stepkids to fit into any of your pre-conceived notions.

Some stepparents who have succeeded with stepkids of this age started slowly, yet eventually became trusted confidants. The secret is to not expect much from them right away and to make yourself available to spend time with them. Never be judgmental. Work on being an open-minded listener, a neutral sounding board.

Be flexible.

Establishing and enforcing rules is difficult for most parents, but you have unique limitations as a stepparent. Your authority does not stem from biological ties; there is no set reason why your freedom-loving stepkids should listen to you at all.

Before you start setting rules, therefore, you have to win your stepchildren’s respect. Show them why they should listen to you. Present yourself as somebody worth their attention because of who you are apart from your stepfamily role.

No trick is involved; just display time-honored adult qualities like self-sacrifice and self-control. Be patient, forgiving, kind and polite. Respect your stepchildrens’ concerns, interests, and need for “space” and time with their friends. Appear self-assured yet flexible.

Expect stepkids to test your rules. Don’t be afraid to say “no,” but avoid getting angry or jumping to conclusions. Most of all, don’t take rebellion to heart; most kids this age, no matter their family structure, challenge their parents.

Be you- not a substitute for the parent.

Some stepparents mistakenly attempt to substitute for an absent parent. Some try to build themselves up by openly criticizing their partner’s ex-spouse. Others discourage any discussion of the absent parent. You may feel drawn to one of these ways.

Kids this age often wrestle with loyalty questions. If you try to replace the parent, you will do nothing to endear yourself to your stepkids and may antagonize them. In addition, if you openly criticize your spouse’s ex, you could damage your stepchildrens’ self-esteem, which is pretty fragile already. Rather than focusing on the absent parent, work on creating your own distinct, healthy relationship with your stepchildren.

Have a sense of humor.

Too often, humor is the last tool parents think they can use when caring for pre-teens or teens. Many assume they must grit their teeth and prepare for one unpleasant and unnerving development after another. This attitude can predominate and foster a self-fulfilling gloom-and-doom prophecy. Stepparents who get in the rut of just having serious talks or encounters with their stepkids risk turning them off quickly.

A dose of light-heartedness will do wonders. Watch humorous movies or TV shows together. Take up games as a family that produce laughs. Be able to enjoy watching your stepkids having fun. Humor will make you more approachable and interesting. You will be more than a boring adult, always acting the same, saying the same old things in the same old ways.

Humor will tide you over should your stepchildren misuse the car or get one too many ceaseless phone calls. You can shrug off their wild behavior as “kids being kids,” rather than taking it as an affront to your own viewpoints.

Caring for pre-teens and teens isn’t easy for a stepparent. You are going to make mistakes and they are going to act up. In the long run, though, you will be much better off if you learn from your experiences and then shrug them off with a laugh. Perhaps your stepchildren will be nearby to enjoy what they hear-the warm sound of a very human parent.

The post Stepparenting Adolescents: It Takes Patience, Flexibility and Humor appeared first on iMOM.

Keep in mind that the process will be slow, and you will need to focus on building a relationship and earning the children’s respect before you can become a full disciplinarian to your stepchildren. Dr. Leman provides the following guidelines that will help you ease into the role of disciplinarian to your stepchildren.

1. Relationships come before rules.

Especially in a newly-formed step-family, be sensitive to the children’s emotional needs, and discipline gently but firmly. In the early stages as a stepmom, let your husband assume responsibility for the discipline of your stepchildren, although you should both work together in setting consistent rules.

2. The whole is more important than the parts.

Personalities, birth order and previous lifestyles make each child in a stepfamily different. But you will need to treat each family member fairly, giving each child an “equal opportunity to participate and contribute” in the family.

3. You are in healthy authority over your kids.

Dr. Leman cautions against being either too authoritarian or too permissive with any children in your household.

4. Hold children accountable for their actions.

According to Dr. Leman, “Loving discipline does not punish but lets the child pay a reasonable consequence for misbehavior or a poor attitude.” Rules must be clearly established, as well as the consequences. In the beginning, your husband will be the enforcer of these consequences, but you both need to work together at setting these rules.

5. Let reality be the teacher.

Let the consequences speak for themselves in discipline, and not harsh words.

6. Use actions, not words.

Again, Dr. Leman suggests letting the consequences speak louder than your words. Once you have formed a relationship with your stepchildren, you will begin assuming more discipline responsibilities. Once you do begin disciplining, avoid routinely prescribing punishments in the “if-then” context. Dr. Leman explains that this method will only keep kids focused on the punishment rather than being responsible. He suggests focusing on making sure the children know what their responsibilities are and what is expected of them.

7. Stick to your guns.

Dr. Leman defines this as, “being firm in enforcing whatever rules you all have agreed upon, even when your heart is breaking for the child who has just chosen to lose an entire weekend of wonderful activities by not being responsible.” No matter what stage of stepmother disciplining you are at, make sure that you and your husband are consistent in establishing rules and consequences for both your children and stepchildren.

In addition, Dr. Leman advises that discipline is the number one issue in a blended family, and “you and your spouse will stand or fall, sink or swim, together, and if there is anything the two of you need to work through and agree upon it’s, ‘Who will discipline the kids and how will it be done?'” So spend time formulating a plan with your husband on the rules and consequences within your home, and focus on building a positive, respect-based relationship with your stepchildren.

Tell us! What kind of relationship do you have with your step kids?

This article is based on the book, Living in a Step-family without Getting Stepped On, by Dr. Kevin Leman.

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While blending two families won’t be easy, there are some steps you can take to help avoid the common pitfalls. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, authors of Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts, provide several guidelines to creating healthy stepfamilies with their step parenting advice.

Put Your Marriage First

No matter how hard you try to make the transition easier for the children, their greatest sense of security will come from knowing they are living in a stable home again. If your marriage with your husband is strong, the children will adjust more quickly.

You may be harboring feelings of guilt and regret over any emotional difficulties your children have endured, and you may be determined to make it up to them by giving them all of your attention. But if you are only giving your husband your leftover time and energy, your marriage will suffer — and your children will become even more anxious at the possible threat of another divorce and turmoil in their lives.

In addition, when your marriage relationship is strong and you communicate openly with your husband, you will form a better parenting team.

Honor Traditions

Every family has traditions, whether it is reading the Christmas story on Christmas Eve or going out for ice cream after a softball game. Traditions give your family a sense of identity and belonging. But when you combine the traditions, identities, and histories of two families, you may find sources of conflict that you had not anticipated. While it is important to respect your former traditions, focus on building traditions that are unique to your new family. Don’t try to force your old way of doing things, but look for alternative traditions that you can create together. Incorporate your husband, your children, and your stepchildren in the process of finding the best holiday traditions and weekend activities that you all can enjoy together.

Conduct Family Meetings

Every family can benefit from weekly family meetings, but stepfamilies especially can use this time together to work through differences, share frustrations, ask questions, and even plan fun activities and vacations together. Family meetings can keep busy schedules coordinated; make sure every family member’s opinion is heard, and bring the family together for a common purpose.

Provide Personal Space

If you or your husband have children who do not reside in your home, they need a part of the house that solely belongs to them. Make sure they don’t feel like guests but part of the family.

Give Time to Adjust

While you may be anxious to have a child with your new husband, most stepfamily experts recommend that you wait at least three years before you conceive. It typically takes this long just for a stepfamily to begin acting like a true family. So give your children an edge by keeping their lives as stable as you can during these transition years. Your existing children (and his) will need plenty of time to adjust to their new life, and having a brand new baby sibling will only complicate existing conflicts.

Drs. Parrott encourages stepfamilies with these insights: “Even so-called ‘normal’ intact families have difficulties. Children play one parent against the other, for example, and cause chaos in their parents’ lives. Parents all over the world have trouble finding time to be alone with each other, and so on. Your situation as a stepfamily will be no different. Difficulties are normal.

What challenges have you faced and been able to overcome?

This article is based on the book Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts: Nine Questions to Ask Before (and After) You Remarry by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. 

The post Step Families: Successful Steps appeared first on iMOM.

Watch Out for Unrealistic Expectations. Many stepparents feel the pressure to make their new family into a perfect one. However, with the stresses of the previous marriages, finances, custody battles and the adjustments to a new living situation, reality often presents a different scenario. Take small steps in building a relationship with your stepchildren. Focus on building a respect from them before you expect them to have a loving relationship with you.

Encourage Openness. One thing a stepparent can do is to let the members of the family know that they can express their emotions and discuss their fears and insecurities. But Cerquone warns not to expect the children to confide in you early on. They will most likely only confide in their parent at first.

Be Supportive. Recognize the importance of your stepchildren’s relationship with the “other” parent. Do not seek to replace them, but rather focus on creating a new relationship with your stepchildren. And be sure to be yourself.

Be Sure to Partner with Your Spouse. You and your spouse will need to be in constant, open communication about the family. Be mutually supportive of each other and make joint decisions regarding the family. Make sure the children know you are united in your decisions.

Let the Parent Discipline. Cerquone encourages that especially in the early days of the new family, the parent to do the disciplining, not the stepparent. He says that, “Before you can be an active disciplinarian, you have to earn something more than your stepchildren’s perfunctory respect. Until they know you and trust you better, you can’t expect them to listen to you simply because you are now the new dad or mom in the house.” That doesn’t mean you will never be the disciplinarian, but Cerquone warns to start the process slowly. In the beginning, a stepparent should be actively involved in the rule-making, but not in the disciplining when the rules are broken. And be sure to present the house rules as a joint decision, so that the stepparent is not seen as the villain.

Don’t Turn Your Stepchildren into Scapegoats. Cerquone warns that while stepchildren (particularly those in the pre-teen and teen years) can be frustrating, be sure not to blame them for all the problems in your family or relationship with your spouse. Ask yourself if their attitudes and actions are the true problem, or if you more frustrated with something else — finances, your own feelings of being an outsider, or the way your spouse is ineffectively disciplining the children?

Maintain a Sense of Humor. Particularly if you have teens in the house, it will be crucial to maintain a positive attitude. Cerquone says, “A sense of humor will… refresh you as a stepparent… Humor will help you treat teen behavior as something other than the end of the world.” Save your energy for important things by not taking the little things too seriously. Try to have fun with your stepchildren. Cerquone suggests: “Think about occasionally making your points with your stepkids in light ways, for example. Write your concerns in a funny card or an amusing note. Or forget about making any points and just take your stepchildren out for some fun. See a comedy at the movies or spend the day at an amusement park…”

Be Persistent. The process of becoming “family like” will not happen overnight. In fact, therapist Patricia Papernow cautions that it may take several years. But keep working at it, because the benefits of your relationships with your stepchildren will be worth it.

This article is based on the book, You’re a Stepparent… Now What? A Guide to Parenting in Families With Nonbiological Children by Joseph Cerquone.

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