Holidays in our blended family can be stressful. I spent the first few years of my marriage trying to maneuver holiday schedules that fit everyone’s life and demands. My husband’s ex-wife often fought my ideas for adjusting the shared time, even when it would benefit her. Our kids felt the stress between their father and mother despite my efforts to shield them from it.
But I used to be a single mom, and I remember the stresses of sharing my son during the holiday season. It felt like a game of Jenga. One wrong move would send it all crashing down. One thing I have learned over the years is when you’re co-parenting holidays together, you have to be creative, flexible, and willing to let go of the norms. Here are 4 ways to do that and ease co-parenting holiday stress.
1. Celebrate on a different day.
Holidays are special. Those earmarked days on the calendar symbolize what I always think of as the perfect family day. However, when co-parenting holidays together, celebrating on the actual date of the holiday may not work. The good news is you can celebrate any day you’d like. My husband used to turn Christmas Eve into Christmas Day because his ex-wife had the kids for Christmas Day. The kids loved it and it showed them holidays are about family, not dates on a calendar.
2. Combine holidays.
When my husband was a single dad, he didn’t always have the kids on certain holidays. So he created a tradition of combining Thanksgiving and Christmas into “Thanksmas.” Crazy as it sounds, his two kiddos liked the idea of combining Thanksgiving food with Christmas presents and decorations. It lessened the hard feelings when the holiday rolled around, and he couldn’t have the kids with him.
3. Invite your ex’s family to join.
Maintaining good relationships with an ex’s family members can be difficult, even impossible. People take sides for obvious reasons. But if you have a good relationship with your ex-husband’s family, one way to make the holiday more fun for your kids is to invite those family members to join in. My husband often has invited his ex’s grandmother and cousins into our holiday celebrations. Open-ended invitations to the other part of your children’s family allow you to keep communication flowing and surround your kids with people who love them.
4. Remember it’s the time spent with your kids that really matters.
Kids make a big deal about the presents. They love the decorations. They can’t wait to have their favorite foods. But when all is said and done, it’s the time you’ve spent with them that really matters. Sure, all the other things are fun, but investing that focused time will mean so much more. My son and I still sit and giggle watching the Grinch together each season. Put the gift-giving stress aside for a moment to bake the cookies, sing the carols, and watch the movie you have memorized because those are the things your kids will remember.
How will you make sure you find joy in the holiday stress?
