Once the kids are in bed, I want to snuggle up on the couch with my dog and crack open my novel. But my husband has the World Series blaring on TV, and his favorite team isn’t even playing! The constant clamor of the crowd makes me want to go hide in my bedroom where it’s quiet. I sigh at the doorway to the TV room, trying to decide whether to argue my case for a quiet evening or leave to avoid a disagreement. My husband, remote in hand, glances my way. It’s time to decide.
“I’ll be upstairs!” I announce and take a step. But then he says, “Wait! I can mute it while you read!” This choose-your-own-adventure has taken a turn. What would you do? Marriage is so much like a team sport—you have to work together to win. Here are 5 plays for a stronger marriage that emerges victorious at the end of the day.
1. Make time to huddle.
If you ever played on a sports team when you were younger, you know the huddle is when players come together to discuss what’s working and what isn’t. And usually, a new strategy is put in place. The team then does a cheer and heads back to the game.
Taking a time out of the busyness of your day to huddle with your husband is a good strategy as well. How’s our parenting strategy working? What can we do better? These short breaks to come together to discuss concerns and goals work. Listen to each other, take turns leading the huddle, be honest with your feelings, and work together to tackle the challenges that might thwart your winning team.
2. Train with empathy.
Players naturally form friendships by talking and hanging out on the bench, in the locker room, or after a game. Smart coaches know that an emotional connection among players can translate into a winning record.
In marriage, building a trusting, emotional connection based on empathy can be a game changer. Empathizing with what your spouse is going through and validating his emotions is going to strengthen your connection. Work to understand each other’s perspective and it’ll be easier to provide the support and encouragement you both need. (OK, the World Series is kind of a big deal and only comes around once a year. I’ll join him on the couch.)
3. Incorporate team-building activities.
My daughter’s swim team has had pasta nights, poster-making afternoons, and themed swims where everyone shows up in costume. They’re fun activities, and a little silly too, but they bring the team closer together. For a stronger marriage, you have to prioritize fun activities too. My husband has one rule for our “team building” time together: No talking about the kids!
Maybe you take a cooking class together, or volunteer for a cause you both care about? Come up with a bucket list of activities for this season. Team building with your husband is going to make sure you’re playing on the same side—and not against each other.
4. Support each other to win.
As our high school volleyball team captain, I usually ran the timeouts and talked rapid-fire about our next move. When our strategy worked and we all gelled on the court, we put down point after point. But sometimes, I had to revise our plan and run different plays. Not a problem—by flexing to support each other, we could still come back to win.
Game plans can change. Think about your marriage. Have things always turned out the way you wanted? Probably not. But that’s OK. It’s part of life. We have to be willing to talk and revise plans—even if it’s a little humbling when things don’t go the way we’d hoped. When your husband knows he has your support, he feels loved and respected. He’s likely to show you the same support and follow your lead.
5. Celebrate victories together.
My husband and I like to give each other a fist bump or high five here and there. It’s goofy, but I think getting our kids to bed early is worth celebrating. When we take a moment to celebrate the little victories in our day, it makes me feel like we’re in this crazy parenting journey together. And having someone on my side just feels good.
Whether it’s a big victory like a pay raise or a little one like getting your child to eat her peas, celebrate it. When your team wins, it brings you closer together making you really feel like a couple with a stronger marriage—and one that’s on the same, amazing, winning team.
For fun, try our 14-Day “What If…” Marriage Challenge. It’s a game you both can win—together!
For a stronger marriage, what can you and your husband do this weekend to celebrate your most recent wins?
