“It’s gonna be a late one tonight. I’m sorry for the short notice and for how it impacts the evening, but I’ll be home as soon as possible.” That simple text from my husband was all it took to disarm my mounting frustration from another late night and another missed dinner. But it wasn’t always that simple.
For years, we had been on a loop of him working late and me getting aggravated. He hoped that not talking about it would mean it wasn’t a thing, but I felt like his lack of addressing it made it additionally disappointing. Once we discovered the power of acknowledgment, it changed how we process almost everything. Acknowledgment in marriage is more than just noticing; it’s speaking up and saying, “I recognize this feeling, truth, misunderstanding, miscommunication…” If you’re looking for how to improve your marriage, here are 4 profound benefits of acknowledgment.
1. It bolsters empathy.
My husband was in the middle of a house project when he asked me to pick up some supplies at Lowe’s. His sigh was a dead giveaway that I picked out the wrong thing, and my kneejerk reaction was defensiveness. After a minute of juggling my frustrations, I acknowledged him by saying, “Sorry I grabbed the wrong thing. I know that messes up your timeline.” That flipped the switch.
By acknowledging my mistake, I let him know I recognized how it impacted him. This softened his irritation and started shifting his perspective. Empathy helps us remember we’re on the same team!
Give it a try: Before reacting, spend a few seconds considering the other perspective. Then, acknowledge your role and the impact it had.
2. It fosters direct communication.
Before my husband even opened the Amazon package, he preemptively said, “I used birthday money for this.” He knew my head would’ve exploded upon seeing the bottomless box of fishing lures and bait, so he got ahead of it by acknowledging that the purchase wasn’t coming from the regular budget.
Acknowledging something brings it to the surface and helps diffuse the potential for frustrations to build. It’s a starting point for communication rooted in thoughtfulness and respect and a solid basis for how to improve your marriage.
Give it a try: Pause and clarify. Ask open-ended questions and avoid jumping to conclusions.
3. It reflects humility and self-awareness.
We have a cute key hook where my husband hangs his keys 100% of the time. Mine make it there about to 30% of the time. This drives him crazy, and it drives me crazy that it drives him crazy. For years, I scoffed when he hung up my keys because the way he went about it was less than subtle.
When I started replacing my scoff with a genuine, “Sorry I forgot to hang those up again. I promise to keep working on it,” he changed the way he reacted to the keys on the counter. Self-awareness is helping me get closer to a 75% hang-up rate, and humility is helping him not to make a thing out of the unhung keys anymore.
Give it a try: Create simple action plans that promote growing in awareness and understanding.
4. It sets the stage for encouragement.
When my husband washes and vacuums my car, I intentionally thank him and acknowledge that he took time out of his day to do something just for me. Simply noticing when he does something out of the ordinary is different than acknowledging it. Letting him know that I see the bigger picture of his gift is reinforcing and encouraging.
Recognizing when others need acknowledgment takes discernment and practice; but when it becomes a regular part of how you engage with others, it will not only improve your communication and your marriage but also the other relationships in your life.
Give it a try: Always be on the lookout for ways to encourage, and then actually do it!
In what situations would acknowledgment make you feel more seen?
