Every year around February 11th or 12th, my husband says, “So we’re good? No Valentine’s Day gifts?” and I happily agree. It’s not that I’m not a romantic. I am, but I want romance in a non-cliche way.
So what’s non-cliche? Well, when looked at differently, there are regular things spouses do that qualify as small romantic gestures. If you think your relationship (or your husband) isn’t lovey-dovey, here’s a fresh look at 14 things you two might be doing and why they’re lowkey romantic.
1. You make each other’s coffee with just the right amount of cream and sugar.
This points to one of the most essential ingredients in a marriage. No, it’s not coffee, although that helps. It’s intimacy. We all desire to know and be known by another person. Sure, there’s way more to you than whether you like Splenda or stevia, but this small romantic gesture shows that your spouse has taken time to learn about you.
2. You go to work day after day.
You might not feel the romance bubbling over as you sit in rush hour traffic or clean the house, but consider this—you and your husband have teamed up to create a safe, secure home for yourself and your kids. That’s pretty amazing.
3. He buys your favorite moisturizer. You buy his antacid.
For my birthday, my husband knows I usually want something skin-care-related. And on more than one occasion, he’s texted me at the grocery store to say, “I’m out of Gaviscon! Cherry flavor, please!” Growing old together is romantic. Full stop.
4. You thank each other for little things.
My husband and I do our laundry separately, so if he folded mine, I’d definitely thank him. But we also try to thank each other for things that could easily be taken for granted, like letting the dog out. In those times, we’re really saying, “You make life better, and I’m grateful.”
5. You put a hand on each other when you’re in a crowd.
No matter how many people are in the room, you’re each other’s number one. A simple touch grounds you and feels like home.
6. He gasses up your car. You make his lunch.
Gas and a turkey sandwich might not have the same romance factor as champagne and chocolate, but doing that thing that makes your spouse’s day easier is definitely a small romantic gesture that should get more credit.
7. You don’t mention when he’s left the toilet seat up. He cleans your hair out of the drain.
There are roommate issues that can drive spouses crazy. It’s romantic that you’re both willing to let those things go. Loving relationships take patience, kindness, and sacrifice every single day.
8. You both put away your phone when the other one talks.
Our phones have become incredibly important to us. This literally small romantic gesture says, “You’re more important to me than anything else.”
9. You listen and respond with “I get it.”
If you share that you’re stressed and your husband says “I get it” instead of “here’s how you can fix that,” give him props. He’s showing empathy and validating your feelings. That’s a big deal.
10. You touch without it leading to sex.
It’s easy to feel used if touching always has to led to more. When you can cozy up on the couch and just be together, it’s romantic because you show you desire physical closeness with one another beyond just sex.
11. You try pickleball. He tries making DIY homegoods.
Or maybe it’s the other way around! When spouses are willing to show interest in what each other enjoys, they’re sacrificing their desires and stepping into the other’s world.
12. He follows up on work or friend drama.
“What’s going on with Claire from accounting? Is she still stealing your pens?” Your husband probably doesn’t really care if Claire’s snatching your Pilot G6 gel pens (although they are the best), but he cares about you, so he’s listening and following up.
13. You do something you said you were going to do.
Ask anyone who’s ever been in a relationship with someone who couldn’t be counted on; reliability is underrated. Following through on what you’ve said you’ll do, like emailing the insurance company or picking up milk, builds trust and intimacy.
14. You agree to order takeout.
You pull the chicken breast and broccoli out of the fridge and sigh. He says, “Wanna order out?” Be still my heart! Being on the same page and acknowledging when you both need a break… It’s a beautiful thing.
What small romantic gesture do you think is underrated?
