“No, that’s not what I said!” I said to my husband in frustration. “And that’s not what I was implying either,” he replied as he sighed and walked away. It seemed like we just weren’t communicating well lately. Maybe it was the stress we were under with the kids or the potential job change looming over our heads. Maybe it was the dreary weather. All I knew was we were in a communication funk.
I’ve tried many different responses to being in this kind of funk, many of which didn’t help or even made things worse. But I’ve also found a few that work well to help us find our groove again. When you experience a breakdown in communication in marriage, try one or more of these 5 things and see if they work for you too.
1. Bed and Breakfast
Go to bed early and plan to go out to breakfast the next morning, just the two of you. A little extra sleep followed by some time to yourselves can do wonders. So rather than going out on a Friday night when you’re both drained, enjoy eating a nice breakfast together while having an opportunity to talk before the demands of the day begin. Or if it’s more relaxing to stay home, have breakfast in bed!
2. An “OK Day”
Psychology Today reports that “being agreeable and selfless can rub off on people—seeing a person getting along and doing good can perpetuate kindness.” With this in mind, try for one whole day to just be agreeable. This means saying “OK” to whatever your husband expresses, explains, or needs that day. It’s just one day! It can diffuse the cycle of constant disagreement, thus hitting the “reset button” on your communication with one another.
3. Having Sex
While it may seem implausible to have sex when you’re not seeing eye to eye, it might be just what the doctor ordered! A study done by Curr Opin Psychiatry examined the effect oxytocin—a hormone produced in the brain as a result of sex—has on people. Apparently, it has lots of relationship benefits, like “trust, gazing, empathy, positive relationship memories, fidelity, and positive communication.” Bingo! Now I know this isn’t always easy to initiate when you don’t feel like it. But make the choice to try it, and see how it helps break down the barrier.
4. “Just Because” Check-Ins
Sometimes in the normal day-in and day-out rush and routines, conversation with our husbands becomes centered around getting things done and solving problems—like who’s taking the kids to soccer or a reminder to pick up dog food. But HealthLine.com recommends regular check-ins throughout the day to let your husband know how you’re doing and you’re thinking of him. Don’t allow these check-ins to be about anything else—just sweetly and simply checking in will help soften and deepen communication between you.
5. Create Your Own Dictionary
It took me some time to figure out that when my husband says something is “not bad,” he actually means that it’s pretty good! I used to take such offense to that phrasing. He’d use it to describe a new recipe or a new outfit I wore. Then one day I came straight out and asked, “What do you mean when you say it’s ‘not bad’?” Focus on the Family explains how, as a couple, it’s beneficial to create your own dictionary to avoid miscommunication. This week, ask your husband for his definition of a word or phrase you think could have a different meaning to you.
How do you resolve breakdown in communication in marriage?
