There’s nothing romantic about cleaning the shower, but my husband does it on a regular basis without complaint. I admit, I’ve probably taken those clean tiles for granted. (I figured he liked it.) I didn’t consider he might be doing it for me. In my mind, showing love meant bringing home a bouquet of flowers. When we finally had a conversation about this sort of thing, he numbered all the ways he shows me his love. And honestly, I felt bad for not appreciating him more.
I still wouldn’t mind flowers. But I know I need to do better with recognizing my husband for all the little things. Appreciating others is good for any relationship! Have your signals crossed with your husband too? Let’s get back on track together. Here are 5 ways to show you appreciate your husband for a healthier, stronger relationship.
1. Be timely.
Last week, my husband volunteered to join me for an extra church service. I was really glad he came! That night, I said, “Thanks for coming with me today. It meant a lot.” He nodded. “You’re welcome,” he said. “But it would’ve been nice if you said something earlier—like right after we left church.” Ouch. I told him I’d work on that.
In the workforce, it’s good practice to offer timely appreciation of colleagues. Economics professor Paul J. Zak says appreciating and recognizing someone “immediately after a goal has been met” has the biggest impact and builds trust. I’m going to apply that wisdom in my marriage to keep our ship sailing smoothly too.
Take action: Say thank you as soon as you can. When you appreciate your husband, you make him feel good for what he does, and it strengthens your relationship.
2. Pay attention to him.
How many of us half-listen to our husbands while multitasking? I know I do. I mean, come on. I have dinner going while trying to help our daughter with her math homework (didn’t he notice?)! I know the right thing to do is to stop and pause and look at him, but I don’t always do it.
Take action: Fully face your husband and make eye contact when he speaks. Use the active listening technique of repeating his words back to him so he knows you’re paying attention. This shows you respect and appreciate your husband for what he has to say.
3. Change your perspective.
Try seeing love the way he does. A friend of mine admitted she’s not a very touchy person, but because her husband is, she tries to squeeze his arm or put a palm on his back when they’re together. In my home, I’m trying to dust and sweep more because my husband appreciates “acts of service” as a sign of love.
Take action: Figure out what his love language is. If he appreciates words of affirmation, compliment him. Make effort to point out what you notice each day. “I appreciate you emptying the dishwasher.”
4. Tell him you love him.
My next-door neighbor lost her husband during the pandemic, and she told me she misses having him next to her in bed at night. They always used to say “I love you” before drifting off to sleep. Maybe you’ve been married for a while, and these words don’t roll off your tongue as often. But maybe they should? Telling your husband you love him lets him know you appreciate having him in your life.
Try our Rekindle Your Marriage Challenge for inspiration!
Take action: For a healthy relationship, express your love often and let him know you appreciate and value him. Also, show your love. Maybe it’s a snuggle on the couch, spooning in bed, or picking up after the dog.
5. Nevertheless, offer kindness.
The possibility exists that your husband has given up doing nice things because he feels unappreciated. Maybe it’s been an on-going, weeks-long thing and he’s been quiet and sullen. It would help your relationship to find words of appreciation and love. Someone has to get the ball rolling again. And as humbling as it might be, why not make the first move? You never know—it might be reciprocated.
Take action: “Hey, I know I haven’t always said so, but I appreciate all you do. I don’t take you for granted.” Along with these words, try to accept him for who he is and remind yourself that no one is perfect.
What other ways do you show you appreciate your husband?
