“Sorry, what?” I rearranged my face, so I didn’t look as annoyed as I felt. I’d just plopped down on the couch to text a friend. And then my husband, who’d followed me into the room, started talking. Now his lips straightened into a thin line. “Did you hear anything I said?” Um, no. I sighed and clicked off my screen. “I’m ready. Go ahead.” He raised an eyebrow but started again. Have you been in a situation like this one? When you’ve lived together for years, it’s easy to let good manners and nice behavior slide. It happens. But I’m trying to do better.
Sometimes we just need reminders. What can I do to show my husband I love him? How can I strengthen our relationship? Start simple. Remind yourself how to be nice to your husband with this list of 9 easy ways.
1. Show him respect.
“Wanna see Mike’s garden?” my friend Katie asked. She pointed to carrots and radishes, and when Mike came over, she slid her arm around his waist. Even if you’re not always on the same page, try to understand each other’s interests. When your husband knows you respect his hobbies and his hard work for the family, he’ll feel loved. How to be nice to your husband starts with showing respect.
2. Listen.
How often have you and your husband had a misunderstanding? You can avoid some of the confusion that comes from only half-listening to each other by turning your body toward your husband and really listening to him. Boston University’s Office of the Ombuds recommends that people try active listening to be more deeply engaged and attentive to what another person is saying. Paraphrase what your husband just said and ask questions to make sure you understand.
3. Be patient with him.
We can be nicer to our husbands when they don’t do things perfectly—like dressing the baby in mismatched clothes or driving closer than you would to the car in front of you. Loving our husbands well means extending grace and patience—the same thing we’d want him to do for us.
4. Think about him when he’s not around—and let him know.
Because being nice to your husband is good for your relationship. It takes 10 seconds to scribble a note or 2.2 seconds to send a text. When he’s not around, I’m trying to pray for my husband too. Why not set a reminder in your phone to do one of these things?
5. Work to understand what he needs in the relationship.
I’ve learned over the years my husband needs a little time after work to decompress. It’s good for our relationship to give him that and I’m grateful when he gives me a break from the kids too. Whether your husband needs time to talk baseball with his friends or time to tinker in the garage, understanding his needs can go a long way to improving your relationship.
6. Know what’s going on in his life.
What’s on your husband’s plate? Does he stress about work or worry about his mother? Is he disappointed he doesn’t exercise more? Ask questions. Find out what’s on his mind. It shows you care, and he might be prompted to learn more about your life in the same conversation.
7. Be tender when he’s vulnerable.
It’s uncomfortable according to James Madison University’s Counseling Center, but it’s not a sign of weakness to be vulnerable. Vulnerability takes courage, and by sharing his feelings with you, your husband’s trying to forge a deeper connection. Be tender with your response! Reassure him of your love and trustworthiness by keeping his secrets and not throwing them back at him later on.
8. Let him know when you’re proud of him.
He doesn’t need to be the guy who gets a raise or wins the local 5K for you to be proud. Maybe he just earns an honest living and is a good dad to your kids. Drop him an affirmation here and there. I’m glad I married you. I’m proud of all your hard work. It’s an easy way to be nice to your husband, and it’ll go a long way.
9. Take the role of biggest fan instead of biggest critic.
Pointing out your husband’s flaws and constantly criticizing the way he does something can be really harmful for your marriage. I know I have to bite my tongue in the car when my husband drives, for example, because I don’t want to be the person in his life who constantly makes him feel less than. To be nice[er] to your husband, look for opportunities to build him up instead.
What do you do to go out of your way to be nice to your husband?
