When my husband and I were preparing for marriage, the priest assisting us suggested that we commit to one date night out a month. He admitted that it could be hard and a bit expensive because of babysitters, but he was adamant that it would be worth it. And he was right. We needed those nights out of the house.
But they weren’t enough on their own. Over the past seven years, we have gradually created the “Rule of One.” This rule recognizes that couples need to reconnect regularly if they want their marriage to be healthy and happy. Monthly dates alone aren’t going to cut it—a lot can happen in a month, and you just can’t leave it all to be hashed out during your date night. Take a look at the three parts of the Rule of One to see how they will help you refresh your marriage.
One Night In Per Week
Four months after our first child was born, my husband and I were coming home from dinner and a movie when I realized that I was absolutely drained from the experience. I know some couples swear by their weekly date nights out, but that was just not a sustainable option for us at the time. Paying for babysitters, dinner, a tip, and the occasional movie was expensive, and making the arrangements for the night was just exhausting. By the time we left the house, all I wanted to do was go back inside, put on my pajamas, and go to bed.
So, we instituted our “one night in.” Since that day, once a week, we have a date night at home. After the kids are in bed, I cook for just the two of us, we reconnect, and we just enjoy each other’s company. We light candles and serve special “grown-up” meals. We talk about the past week as well as the one ahead, going deeper than we do with the kids around. Weekly date nights in require no money, and only a little bit of planning. Find one hour a week when you can be alone, and commit to making it happen. If you need some inspiration, take a look at these simple at-home date ideas.
One Night Out a Month 
A monthly date night was the first part of the Rule of One we added to our marriage, and personally, we’ve found them to be the hardest to maintain. But we have fought to keep them on our calendar, and not just because I love eating out at restaurants. Sitting alone in restaurants often leads to the best conversations between my husband and me. Just this past month, we spent our entire date dreaming about our dream home, complete with French doors in our bedroom leading off to our deck. As we walked back to our car, my husband was able to take my hand, since we had no little children to lead across the parking lot. It made me realize I’d taken hand-holding for granted.
Having date nights is a great way to reconnect with your husband, and they don’t have to be expensive—consider swapping babysitting services with a fellow mom, packing a picnic lunch for the park, or attending a local cultural event with your husband. If you need ideas for conversation starters, take a look at this printable.
One Weekend Away a Year
My husband and I are fortunate to have families who are willing and able to take our kids for a weekend so we can go away once a year. Some years, we have had more “honeymoon” experiences—a weekend at the beach or at an amusement park. Other years, we have stayed local, found a hotel room on Groupon, and spent the weekend exploring different restaurants, taking walks, and just enjoying each other’s company. In our experience, two full days really are necessary to get the full effect. For most couples, it’ll take a full day before you shift out of “parent mode” and can really start to focus on your marriage. It also gives you enough time to move beyond conversations about work, the kids, and other practical matters.
Weekend getaways can be pricey, but they don’t have to be. Consider splitting your kids up among several friends or swapping babysitting with a family member. On a few occasions, we have driven our kids to out-of-state family members, and then had our getaway weekend in the same area. Not every couple can get away for an entire weekend, but if you can do it, it will be just what you need to remember why you married your husband in the first place.
What are your favorite ways to reconnect with your husband? Do you think he’d say the same thing?
