Before we got married, my husband gave me oodles of attention. He wrote long, sweet emails, we talked for hours on the phone, and our dates included a present-day rarity: hand-holding. Now several years into marriage, we’ve developed our… routines. But when I stumbled across a crumpled old card from my hubby in the back of the closet, I started feeling a bit wistful. I wanted to bring the romance back. But how?
We’re all busy these days with jobs, kids, and household maintenance. But romance is important. It’s one of many things that keeps marriages going strong. Don’t you think? Let’s get your hubby on board with these 5 things to rev up the romance in your marriage.
1. Talk to him about romance.
I left my daughter’s room whispering final good-night wishes and found my husband on the couch, feet up and eyes shut. I hesitated, but then cuddled up next to him. His arm dropped to my shoulders. “Sweetie,” I began. “I know you’re tired. But I wanted you to think about something.” One skeptical eye cracked open, but I continued. “I miss those days when we were more romantic with each other.” With his eye trained on me, I kept going. “What if we tried to make romance more of a priority?” And, of course by “we,” I really meant him. He grinned, and I took that as encouragement to continue laying out a plan.
Raising the topic of romance with your husband is the first step. Because we don’t want them to think we’re criticizing them, couch it as a team effort and commit to making more effort as well.
2. Encourage him when he makes effort.
Things for us started off slowly. But I noticed my husband trying. When he passed behind me in the kitchen, he ran his hand along my back or waist. In return, I smiled and told him, “That was nice.” Forming new habits takes time, but with encouragement, it’s easier to keep at it. When he brought home a gallon of my favorite ice cream one evening (and it wasn’t even on the list!), I made sure I let him know I appreciated his thoughtfulness.
Romance can be a slow burn made up of little acts of kindness. Keep noticing his effort and he’ll hopefully respond with more romantic gestures.
3. Lead him in the right direction.
OK, it’s just easier to be direct. My husband knows I like foot rubs, but he might not know when I need one. Being point blank about asking him to rub my feet during a TV show doesn’t steal the romance from the act if he agrees. Rather, it can spark it. There’s no harm in making requests. In fact, it’ll make romance more likely to happen.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married! Things you think he should know by now may be lying dormant in his thoughts. Let him know what you’d like to see in the romance department, and he may pick up on your desire for more intimacy.
4. Return the favor.
Maybe it’s Chinese takeout in front of the fireplace after the kids have gone to bed. Or a coffee run Saturday morning while your hubby sleeps in. If you’re like me, you often have your kids’ needs front of mind and sometimes forget those of your husband. But if you’re noticing little things your husband’s doing for you, it’s good for your relationship if you do the same. What’s the saying? Kindness begets kindness?
If you want your husband to be more romantic, being a little starry-eyed yourself could get things rolling. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and if he’s made effort, do respond in kind.
5. Be romantic together.
What makes your heart skip a beat? Aside from seeing my husband in a suit or with a five o’clock shadow, I feel most romantic toward him when we’re doing something new or different together. “Wanna go out to the fire pit?” When we bring blankets and cozy up together, I tend to forget about that Netflix show I wanted to watch and instead am grateful for the effort we made for each other.
Romance takes effort. Like a good workout, has anyone ever wished afterward that he or she hadn’t done it?
What are your ideas to put more romance in marriage?
