Is sex important in a marriage? Ask your husband, and he’ll probably shout yes before the question mark is on your sentence. Well, when I was a new bride, a few older and wiser women talked to me about sex and marriage. I had accepted on an intellectual level that sex would be important, but I struggled to understand on a heart level how physical intimacy would impact the health of our relationship. Now, 19 years into this lifelong commitment, I understand a little better.
The power of sexual intimacy remains a beautiful mystery, and its effects on a marriage are undeniable. Because yes, sex is important in a marriage. Here’s why.
1. Sex focuses our love exclusively on one another.
Marital sex has a unique ability to express love in our busy and distracted lives. Our attention is often divided. We juggle kids, work, school, or volunteer commitments and spend our free time scrolling through our phones. Sex is a time for a husband and wife to put aside the distractions and reestablish connection. The act of sex, when practiced humbly, teaches us to lay ourselves bare and give ourselves over for the benefit of another. We can know and be known when we eliminate distractions and focus on each other.
2. Sex symbolizes an unbreakable covenant relationship.
We live in a culture that idealizes and idolizes sex and also uses it as commodity to buy, sell, and barter. But I believe sex is actually meant to express a married couple’s unity. It’s not that we’re supposed to have sex as single people to determine whether to marry each other or just to have fun. We’re supposed to create an awesome sexual relationship with the man we’ve chosen to marry—a sex life that says what our marriage vows said: I give you all of me, and I accept all of you, permanently and exclusively. Marriage is a safe environment where we can glimpse joy in this unique way while illustrating the covenant we entered at the altar.
3. Sex is important, but how important varies by couple.
Is sex important in a marriage? Yes, but that doesn’t mean it has to happen every day. The frequency and intensity of sex varies from couple to couple for several reasons—needs, desires, and circumstances. You might not have sex as often after a baby is born or during a busy time at work. If you and your husband are both happy, try not to compare yourself to another couple or overthink what you should be doing. Just celebrate your compatibility and love!
What can you do in the next three days to prioritize your sex life?
