As I tore open a gift on Christmas morning as a kid, I gasped over the sound of the crackling maple, burning nearby in the fireplace. That gift, which my parents had hidden well, was a Barbie I wanted but never thought I’d get. Growing up in a low-income home usually meant we got gifts like socks on Christmas—what we needed, not what we wanted.
So when I got older and got a job, I went a little crazy on Christmas, draining my bank account to buy everyone what they wanted. Giving Christmas presents can be a lot of fun, but it can backfire if we’re careless like I was back then. It’s about finding a better balance between need and greed. We need to buy the right gifts for the right reasons, and we can do that with intentional gift-giving. Get better at intentional gift-giving with these 4 questions to ask yourself.
1. Am I using gifts to compensate for something?
It’s an easy trap to fall into thinking we can make up for not being engaged in the lives of our kids by buying them the things they want. I’ve done it. We can buy our kids every gadget on Amazon, but it won’t make up for the time they want to spend with us.
Pro-tip: Instead of buying each kid a toy, buy an experience you and your kids can have together.
2. Will the gifts my kids want move them toward or away from our family values?
As we are inundated with ads leading up to Christmas, many of which skillfully manipulate us on a subconscious level, it’s easy to find ourselves putting items in our carts that actually contradict the kind of family we want to be.
Pro-tip: Smart devices almost always lead to isolation. Consider a Christmas gift that the family can enjoy together.
3. What is a gift you can give that will help your kids step into their gifting?
Christmas isn’t the time to try to force our hobbies onto our kids. You may love fishing, but that doesn’t mean your kids are going to. Besides, if we give our kids a gift they’re interested in, it’s more likely to get used in the year to come instead of getting shoved into the back of their closet until we donate it to the Salvation Army.
Pro-tip: Spend strategic time with your kids to ask what they’re really into lately.
4. Can I afford these gifts/are they reasonable?
Have you ever felt pressure to get certain gifts just to make it look like you can afford them? I didn’t go into debt that first Christmas, but the gifts weren’t reasonable, and I spent way more than should have. Sometimes in the frenzy of the holidays, we lose sight of our budgets and just buy, buy, buy. If you realize this is the year you have to get control, you might have to have a hard conversation with your kids about what to expect on Christmas. Being responsible with money is a lesson that will set them up for better financial health.
Pro-tip: Set up an automatic debit of $20 per pay period to go to a specific Christmas account.
Are you a good gift-giver? How can we be better at intentional gift-giving?
