Valentine’s Day never mattered much to me. I remember getting a teddy bear with red hearts on its feet in ninth grade. The boy I was “going out with” had sprayed the bear with (or possibly dunked it in) Cool Water cologne. Other than that, February 14th never left much of a mark—that is until the year I was going through a divorce and was alone on Valentine’s Day.
That year, something that had never meant much meant everything. A lonely Valentine’s Day felt like a preview of a lonely life. It sounds overdramatic, but that’s how it can feel when you look around and see other people in love. But there are things worse than being alone on Valentine’s Day, so instead of lamenting about your singleness, remind yourself of these 3 things to celebrate.
1. You have love in your life.
Romantic love is initially based on attraction and often status. And unfortunately, it can be conditional. That’s why I wore makeup on my first date with my now husband, and he may or may not have done a set of pushups before ringing my doorbell.
Meanwhile, the love that’s in our lives through our children is unconditional. It’s sewn into the fabric of our relationships. Even if we yell or they’ve rolled their eyes for the fifteenth time today, the love between mothers and children is solid. I remember looking at my son in his newborn days and realizing I didn’t have to do anything to earn his love. I needed a shower, a toothbrush, and a fresh shirt. He didn’t care. Pure love.
The love in your life today might not be romantic love, but don’t ignore its significance if you’re alone on Valentine’s Day.
2. You’re rebuilding.
Whatever led to you being alone on Valentine’s Day—divorce, the death of your husband, abandonment—you’ve been through a period of loss or stripping away. But now, I hope you’re in a time of rebuilding. You get to create a healthier you, a heart that’s open to loving again, or a more stable environment for your kids.
Give yourself a V-Day gift. Write down three things you want to be able to say next year at this time. (“I have a date” can’t be one of them.) Some ideas are: I found a job I enjoy more, I’ve forgiven people I needed to forgive for my own well-being, and I’ve gotten better at prioritizing my physical and mental health. Under each statement, write one step you can take to get there and give that step a due date.
3. You’re not in a relationship with someone just to fill a void.
There are some women who have Valentines, but they’re men who disrespect them, use them, disregard their children… You get my drift. You could have a date tonight if you lowered your standards or were just looking for a warm body. You could probably also have a date with someone who’s not the one for you but would buy you dinner. Neither of those options honors you or your children.
It’s tempting to write the story of this Valentine’s Day and place yourself as the teary main character. But what if you shifted the narrative and made yourself the empowered heroine who chooses to settle for nothing less than the right guy at the right time? That transforms a dateless Valentine’s Day from a flaw into a flex.
What’s another positive way to look at being single?
